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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Sil's request is cheeky?

53 replies

WantANewSil · 15/08/2019 14:15

NC for this. Sil has just asked dh to travel to hers on the train (he can't drive) so he can set up a mini portable spy camera for her. It would take about 2 hours to get to her house. Would be quicker by car. It's something she could bring to us to have set up so isn't it cheeky to expect dh to spend time and money instead. We have a young toddler to look after and she has no children and I'm sure she has more free time. She never does us a favour and has never gone out of her way to help us. She is a very entitled and quite frankly a selfish women. Sulks if she doesn't get her way. After 10 years of her I'm a bit at the end of my tether with her cheeky demands and selfishness. She has in the past demanded that we stop what we are doing and get a taxi to see her because she is in the neighbouring city with spare time on her hands. Many many other examples but I don't want this to be long or drip feed. As my username suggests no Im not her biggest fan so that could be clouding my judgement.

OP posts:
Original poster
WantANewSil · 15/08/2019 15:14

jessycake there is zero chance she would pay for the train fare. If dh asked she would probably sulk about it

OP posts:
PapaShango · 15/08/2019 15:17

I installed one of these literally 2 days ago. Got it to spy on my puppy when I’m out. It takes about 5 mins to set up and is pretty self-explanatory. Even those with very little technology knowledge can manage it.

Tell your dh to say no. Or if she insists, she can come to you

Durgasarrow · 15/08/2019 15:20

This sounds like a problem between you and your husband. If I am guessing right, it sounds as if your husband will want to take the train and leave you with the toddler. My advice would be to say that if he wants to do this ridiculous job, go right ahead, but bring along the baby, so daddy and toddler can have a fun train adventure plus toddler can have a lovely visit with aunty, and you can get some "important work done" in the meantime (i.e.: long bath, netflix, etc.)

BeerandBiscuits · 15/08/2019 15:21

YABU. She asked but she can't force you/DH to do anything. You can't blame her for asking, especially if she usually gets what she wants by her behaviour.
DH can say no. Who cares if she sulks?

Drum2018 · 15/08/2019 15:30

If your Dh doesn't want to go tell him to grow a pair and say No. it's very simple.

QualCheckBot · 15/08/2019 15:41

YANBU. Its an easy task she can do herself by following the instructions, she wouldn't even pay the train fare and who on earth does a 4 hour round trip by public transport to a favour for a healthy adult?

My BIL as similar form. He asked me (its always me for some reason, never DH whose sister he is married to) if he could stay in our house while we were on holiday. The answer was "no". He also asked if I could get a resident's parking permit in his name so he could park closer to his work. The answer was again "no". He's rude, belligerent and very much a taker not a giver, and I have no problems admitting that I don't like him.

Don't be afraid to say "no" and don't feel obliged to give reasons. Equally, if your DH runs after her, don't feel obliged to hide your annoyance.

NoSauce · 15/08/2019 15:45

It’s up to DH. If he wants to help her then he can if not, great.

Beautiful3 · 15/08/2019 15:48

Its down to your husband to say no.

RelaisBlu · 15/08/2019 16:00

As she is so clearly unreasonable, I don't understand why you & your DH have a problem saying no to her - so what if she sulks? Let her!
She will keep on doing it unless you learn to refuse

CuriousMama · 15/08/2019 19:23

And what does he think?

Original poster
WantANewSil · 15/08/2019 21:03

He isn't too keen on the idea because with the bus and train, door to door it would take 2 hours there and 2 back and cost 20 pounds on the train. But he is a bit of a mug when it comes to his sister. I said he could take our toddler and he wasn't keen on that idea either.

OP posts:
FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 15/08/2019 21:27

Why would you think him taking a toddler on that journey is even remotely sensible? Seems you are making issues when quite frankly it is nothing to do with you. Stop taking offence on behalf of others.

Your husband is an adult and can decide for himself how he wishes to spend his time and money. If he wants to help, that is nothing to do with you. If he does not want to, he is more than capable of saying no and discussing alternatives without your input.

Try and only get worked up over anything she asks of YOU. This does not concern you, and your dislike is ridiculously unnecessary here, she has not asked anything from you.5

Weezol · 15/08/2019 21:31

If he isn't keen, he needs to say no - it's that simple.

Leeds2 · 15/08/2019 21:35

I think SIL is being cheeky to ask, but I can understand why she has if no-one ever says no to her! Tell your DH to say no, and deal with any fallout.

OnlyaMan · 15/08/2019 22:09

Setting up (Installing?) a CCTV Cam sounds like a job that needs to be done in situ. After all, it is necessary to test it, and troubleshoot if necessary. So perhaps someone needs to be there to do it, if the OP's SIL is too unsure to do it herself.
Nevertheless, the questions really are
"Does it have to be done NOW?"
and
"Can SIL come and collect the OP's DH, and return him?"
I have always found that when I answer inconvenient requests from anyone, (including family), with the answer "Of course I will help, but at a convenient time, and you have to help somehow", the job is magically done without my help.

llangennith · 15/08/2019 22:18

Sounds like you really dislike her.

Why do people always churn this one out?
Stick to the OP's poiint🙄

R2G · 15/08/2019 22:43

The word that springs to mind is boundaries. If she asks her brother for a favour, it's not really anything to do with you. However, if him going for hours affects you then it is okay for you to point this out and ask him to check if she can come to you. If he still wants to go it is up to him, he might enjoy her company on his own brother sister. If he finds it a bit much, he should tell her so.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/08/2019 23:57

Sounds like you really dislike her

Why do people always churn this one out?

@llangennith I think that's the first time I've ever made that comment. And it's because that was my interpretation of her post. So do nob off please. You're hardly sticking to the point yourself. Just a bit of pointless trolling.

maddy68 · 16/08/2019 00:02

Perhaps she has asked your dh to visit and when he's there could he set it up? Sounds far more likely

Yabbers · 16/08/2019 00:21

It is not cheeky to ask your own brother to come round and do you a little favour.

Surely it is if he lives 2 hours away? How far would you say is ok? If he lived overseas, would that be fine too?

Yabbers · 16/08/2019 00:22

And it's because that was my interpretation of her post

It read that way to me too.

CharityConundrum · 16/08/2019 09:57

If he wants to help, that is nothing to do with you.

It is if he expects the OP to look after their child(ren) while he heads off, which it seems he does given his reaction to her suggestion that he takes the toddler with him.

Original poster
WantANewSil · 16/08/2019 10:23

FifteenYemenRoadYemen
Seems you are making issues when quite frankly it is nothing to do with you. Your husband is an adult and can decide for himself how he wishes to spend his time and money. If he wants to help, that is nothing to do with you.

So it's okay for him to swan off for 5 hours or so and expect me to take care of our toddler. I don't ever get 5 hours to swan off like that/ a 5 hour break from toddler. Like previous poster says since dh expects me to look after our active toddler it very much is my business.

OP posts:
Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 16/08/2019 10:31

I don’t think travelling for two hours to help a sibling is that big a deal. I would and I fact will be travelling longer tomorrow to help mine and he has done the same for me in the past.
This is made a bigger issue due to the fact he doesn’t drive so needs to take public transport. Can you start a savings plan for driving lessons as with a young child even without doing favours for family it would make your lives easier.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 16/08/2019 10:38

Sounds like you really dislike her.

What's your point? Why wouldn't OP dislike her? If someone continually made unreasonable demands of my DH (or anyone I care about), sulked if they didn't get their own way and had no respect for anyone else's time then I'm pretty sure i'd dislike them too.

OP, it's very selfish of your SIL to expect your DH to make his own way to hers by public transport, at significant cost, to do her a favour when she has a car of her own. She should be offering to drive to you or if it really needs him to be at her place, to collect him and drop him back once the job is done.

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