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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am definitely BU - neighbours moving and I just need to vent somewhere

14 replies

verticality · 15/08/2019 09:51

Let me start this post by saying I know that I'm being unreasonable and seriously overreacting and that this is very much a First World Problem. I have really bad PMT right now, too, which isn't helping!

Our lovely neighbours, who have been next door to us for years, are moving out today. They have both recently retired and are going to join family in another city. I know they will be really happy there.

But I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, even though we're not "close" friends. They've just been great people as neighbours. We've been next door for over a decade, have watched their fantastic kids grow up and leave home and become wonderful adults. We've had a mutual cat-sitting arrangement for years, and I'm going to miss their kittie too. We've never had a single cross word, about anything. And now, as I watch all their furniture get stacked onto a truck, I feel like sobbing.

I'm also anxious about what the next people will be like - I've had awful, awful neighbours before, and it's such a horrible experience. Just praying to God they aren't noisy and aggressive. Because of things that have happened in the past (a period of homelessness as a teenager), feeling secure and safe at home is quite important to me.

I know I'm being ridiculous and lacking in perspective, and I know that I should be happy for them. I'm just a bit shocked and confused at how strongly I feel about this. And it has helped to put it anonymously out there in writing.

OP posts:

mrswhiplington · 15/08/2019 10:23

I understand how you feel. They're not just neighbours are they, they are friends as well. We've had rubbish neighbours in the past, loud, aggressive, made us miserable. Then the house was sold and a lovely quiet couple bought it. My husband made friends with the man, they used to go out for a pint, help each other out with DIY etc. They stayed for 3 years then decided to move back to nearer their families. We were upset but wished them well.

We dreaded who would move in next. We now have another couple with 2 children. They can be noisy at times but are quite friendly. We know it could be a lot worse. Try not to worry too much.

Original poster

verticality · 15/08/2019 10:27

Thanks for being so lovely to me. I knew I liked them as neighbours, but I don't think I'd quite realised how strong that feeling was until today. I guess I should just feel lucky that we've had over a decade of such niceness, really.

OP posts:

MamaGee09 · 15/08/2019 10:37

We have lovely neighbours too and it’s why we’ve we’ve converted out house to make another bedroom rather than move. Our street is the quietest street and even although I wouldnt call us all friends we are pleasant. Neighbours hand in sweets at Christmas and Easter for our kids.

It’s hard when someone new moves in as you know it’s may upset people, just hope that they are good people.

WonkyDonk87 · 15/08/2019 10:40

Don't worry OP, the new ones may be just as good. Our lovely neighbours moved on and we were devo. No more cheerful greetings over the fence, no more DIY/gardening advice, no more chats with their lovely moggy. New neighbours are more our age and are very chilled out, have started growing veg and can regularly be heard singing in the kitchen I like them a lot.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 15/08/2019 10:47

Awwww OP I hope you get nice new neighbours too as you seem nice .

Could you keep in touch with ex neighbours ? And their kitty of course

whothedaddy · 15/08/2019 10:48

Good neighbours help make a house feel like a home. You are not being unreasonable at all.

Original poster

verticality · 15/08/2019 10:54

We will be keeping in touch with them - we have their new address and we go to the (lovely) city they are moving to every couple of months, so I am sure we will meet up some time.

@WonkyDonk87: your story really cheered me up. Everyone else on the street here is absolutely lovely too, so there's no reason to think the new people will be a nightmare.

@MamaGee09: we also did building work to stay, in part because we like the neighbours around us. We've just finished a big project in the last couple of years and things are just right for us now. I would be really reluctant to move after all that! We're in a semi and they are joined to us, so it feels like a big risk.

OP posts:

TheCanyon · 15/08/2019 11:03

Totally understand. Our neighbours are fantastic, don't know what we would do without them. The same as you id imagine.

AJPTaylor · 15/08/2019 11:18

We had fab neighbours in our old house. Still miss them .

Weenurse · 15/08/2019 11:32

We have fabulous neighbors, I got nervous whenever there was a house for sale in the court.
Now all younger neighbors with children aged 1-11, our DC in their early 20’s. I miss judged turnover by 10 years 🤨.
We are all friendly and have a Christmas party every year.
We are closer to 2 of the families and I would be like you if they moved.
Good luck with your new neighbors.

Original poster

verticality · 19/08/2019 14:26

Just wanted to update this thread.

Neighbours are happily settled into their new house, and are really enjoying it.

We met the new neighbours and they seem like a lovely couple. This is their first house so they are quite excited, and they are already doing a lot of work to improve it, which is nice. So far, so good!

OP posts:

dollydaydream114 · 19/08/2019 14:42

Totally understand what you're saying - having had good neighbours and bad ones, I really know that anxiety about who will move in! Glad your new neighbours seem nice.

We met our neighbours on one side the day we moved into our house and we were really relieved when they seemed nice ... I hope they felt the same about us!

The other side are less great but could certainly be worse.

FuzzyPuffling · 19/08/2019 14:46

We had some very quiet, pleasant but no overly friendly neighbours and when they sold up we worried that we might get noisy neighbours.

The people who replaced them are brilliant! They have become close friends and if we had chosen our own neighbours we would have picked them.

I'm glad your new next-doors seem lovely too and hope that, as for us, things go from ok to fabulous!

Celaeno · 19/08/2019 15:14

I think it’s totally natural and logical to feel like this...When you think about it, you have some element of control over the other people you have a daily connection with- your friends, your workplace, people you see at clubs or classes... Yet you have absolutely zero control over who moves in next door to you, but they potentially can make your life hell!

You’ve been very lucky for a decade, and so far so good with the new neighbours. Tbh I think it’s extremely lucky to get neighbours who are perfect and extremely unlucky to get the neighbours from hell... most people will be somewhere in the middle and to some extent you have to learn to be resilient and tolerate them. Here’s hoping your new neighbours stick around; they sound nice.

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