How do I stop the anger and accept the situation re addiction

[cantstopthedreams]

My Sis is a full on drug addict (heroin, crack). She has been for 20+years but after LOADS of family support, 4 x rehab plus other failed sources of support I have accepted that she will not change and have gone NC with her - it is just too painful for me to think about her and the damage she has inflicted on the family, in particular my wonderful Dparents. I have not done this lightly - like I say I have 100% tried to help ans support her all these years.

My Dparents are unable to 'give up on her'. I get this and imagine how I would be if it was my dc. However, I am just soo incredibly angry with the situation. My sis lives with my Dparents so even though I am now NC with her, she is constantly in the background and I repeatedly have to be exposed to her dramas, her abusing my parents (this happens very frequently). When she is in rehab, my Dparents are different people - happy.

I cannot change this. How do I accept this is how things are without the anger I feel? I avoid my parents because I don't want to think about Sis. That is very wrong and I feel guilty all the time and then really angry and sad.

Sorry OP, didn't want to read and run. I have no advice, but that sounds so hard-hopefully someone who can help will be along soon.

I don't have any answers for you, although I do sympathise having been through something similar with a brother. What I would say, though, is that this is a problem the importance of which others might underestimate and if you can afford to, I would get yourself someone to talk to or perhaps see if there is a support group for families of addicts near you if you can't.

I'm sorry for your situation. Anger is a perfectly natural response, but as you know, destructive to you.

Sorry you are going through this. Have you tried contacting Families Anon? Speaking with others in the same situation might be helpful.

famanon.org.uk

You have to do what is best for you, if your parents have not chosen to distance themselves, then you don't have many options, other than to do what you are already doing.
This isn't your fault, and you have no need to feel guilty. I was in your parents situation, but although I tried to support my son, I soon realized I could not have him living with me while he was using drugs, it took him 10 years to with lots of relapses to climb out of the pit. I think sometimes, people have to reach rock bottom before they realise, that their life is their responsibility.
Keep in touch with your parents, they need your support, but make it clear that they should not be putting up with abuse in their own home, or making it easy to obtain drugs, by providing free accommodation, or spending money.
It is very hard for you

It's incredibly hard, but we have to accept other peoples right to not only make their own choices in life, but incredibly bad ones, and over and over and over again, including when it damages us, or those we love. It is their choice. How we deal with it, is ours.

The stress and the drama and need to be rescued or the rescuers need to vent about the lives they feel they have no choice but to live, are all choices too, though it's hard for people caught up in it to see it at the time.

We then choose to give it all head space mainly because we don't know how not to, but when looked at cold and hard, it is our choice.

Some of the anger may be the being rendered powerless to fix things, accepting that is a life skill in itself.
However, I think going NC is a form of bereavement, and bereavement has stages, and anger is often one.

It is a horrible situation. I don't know how you can fully cut her off as long as your parents are supportive.
They say drug addicts need love, although it is awful for your sister she is selfish, they make suffering families life a misery.
As horrible as it sounds I often say I'd murder my adult DC serve time rather them watch them live that life.

I guess there's nothing you can do ,understandably your parents don't want to cut her ,off ,she's still their daughter no matter how hard it is , I guess you could refuse to talk about her to your parents and meet them away from her .

Thank you for the kind words and advice. So sorry to anyone else effected by addiction it is unbearably hard to deal with. I have just registered with famanon and will try to get some support as I am determined to not let this wreck my relationship with my parents but also I am struggling to cope with my emotions and its hard to talk to people in real life about my situation x