To be livid at DP for DSS’s behaviour

[Crazykiddies]

I’ve been in my DSS’s life for 5 years now and over time he’s got more and more cheeky and rude to me. He’s now going through puberty (13) so I guess that’s a huge part of it but I can’t help but be annoyed that he isn’t disciplined by his dad or mum and thinks this is acceptable behaviour.

He steals any money that’s laying about the house, he refuses to make himself snacks or even toast and says it’s to be done for him. I once told him I couldn’t afford a taxi for him to school and he’d have to get the bus and his dad got a call from the head teacher saying he was crying in school saying I bully him. I’ve never once raised a hand to him and I’m constantly going out my way to try and make him feel 100% included in everything.
His dad sucks at gifts so even early on I was buying all his gifts for birthdays and Christmas, my family get him gifts and include him in everything and did right from the start and he is ungrateful and rude.
I had a baby last year and he came round for a while was coming to stay all the time and was lovely to his sister. He now forever calls her spoilt even though most of her belongings are secondhand and he gets so much more than her.

Basically today I’d organised a night out for him and his DD and he came in asked if I was going and when I said no he loudly shouted yassssss. Then proceeded to hit my baby on the bum and tell her his toys are the one thing in the house that isn’t hers and she better not touch them.

My DP is ducking useless at telling him off as he says he’s old enough to decide he doesn’t want to stay with us. He’s scared his son won’t visit anymore if he’s tougher. I’m at my wits end though, I’m angry and fear DP will get told off about it when he’s home

He's probably worried about the new baby taking his place, plus hormones etc. His father needs to speak to him if his behaviour is unacceptable though and he needs to have consequences, the more you do it the more you are easier to paint as evil step mother, which you're not.

I don’t tend to tell him off, I think I’ve always felt it’s overstepping. I’m just so frustrated that there aren’t any rules or form of discipline there as I will not be raising my baby like that. A serious word with dp is needed.

Hormones or not you don't have to tolerate his behaviour. Try not to be influenced by what he might tell a teacher or his Mum. They probably know deep down what he is like and want you to collude with their blinkered view. You have a right to be treated with respect in your own home.

This, again, is about respect and his father needs to teach him by example.
Stealing is not acceptable. No excuses.
Expecting a maid service is not acceptable. At 13 he should be asking then helping himself when you agree. No exceptions.
If he expresses disgust at gifts, immediately remove them and donate, with his knowledge, to the local hospital then ask your family to stop. He has to learn to be polite.
Smacking your baby daughter is absolutely not in any way acceptable. Nope, nope nope.
His father should have picked him up on his yeeeeess comment straight away.
Who is the parent and who is the child. He is being manipulated by a 13 year old and the 13 year old has the upper hand with the ultimate bargaining tool.
Is your oh honestly happy that his son is being so disrespectful to the mother of his daughter?
If this is not stopped now, his behaviour towards your daughter will go downhill further as he will push to see what he can get away with to her detriment.
Set boundaries and make sure his father follows through....every time.
Yes he may sulk, argue, cry, tell stories about you, threaten to stop coming and stop but stick to your guns.
If he knows you love him but you dont like his behaviour, rinse and repeat, then the message will get through. It is likely the birth of your dd has set him into a spiral of jealous behaviour. His position is being challenged. He needs to learn there is space for you all.
Btw, I suspect his.mother is also getting hassle.

I get you don't want to step on anyone's toes but when he smacked your child be it gently or not I'm guessing the child is under 2 and at his age he should know better. The second he lays a hand on your child you need to tell him enough. By law he could be prosecuted at his age for hitting such a young child maybe you need to tell his parents how they handle his behaviour is their choice but if he lays a hand on your baby again you will punish him in a Manor you see fit. It's vad enough they allow him to treat you like that bit your child is not being subjected to that because his dad's too scared the little brat will not want to visit again

Oh no I was livid at him hitting her. She’s only a year and it was the straw that broke the camels back. I’m telling my OH straight, I’d rules aren’t put in place I’m leaving, my DD comes first and I will not put her in a position where her brother is spoilt and setting an awful example. I’m not going to lie though I think his mother encourages his behaviour to me.