Offended by comments now I’m pregnant or just sensitive

[Agog123]

So I’m noticeably pregnant now, working in London doing pretty long hours. I love my job, hate my commute.. the usual.

My job involves interviewing and meeting lots of clients, nature of my industry means they’re typically Middle aged men.

Pre-bump showing my family life was never a topic of conversation. Today however, in three separate meetings I’ve had the following comments;

1. Oh are you having a baby? (Well, obviously..) Is this your first? (No, second) Where’s your first now? (Because it’s 5pm?) he cuts the meeting short and said ‘you best get home to your family’

1. I don’t get to see my children with bedtimes etc, my wife does most of it (awkward silence..) what does your husband do for work?

1. Oh you don’t look like you have long left! Gosh you must be so tired, my wife was knackered when she was working and pregnant (I’m actually not due to December..)

Just why!!! It’s so much more invasive than the women who are interested in my birth plan, what I’m going to call it, asking if it’s kicking...

Or am I just being overly sensitive?

Think you might be being overly sensitive save for the 'you must be nearly there now' comment which I've also had and wound me up massively as I was only 6 months pregnant at the time! I think that one comes from the fact that you rarely see properly pregnant ppl in the telly - only ever neat bumps on Corrie or whatever!

The other comments though - people are just trying to show an interest. It would be weird if they completely ignored your bump! I'd be glad of someone cutting a meeting short so I could get home a bit earlier and I'm pretty sure the guy meant it in a nice way.

You’re not being overly sensitive at all. Being visibly pregnant gives people some kind of weird licence to turn into total idiots. Some people I barely knew in other departments in my workplace seemed to think they had to ‘acknowledge’ my pregnancy all the time at meetings when all I wanted to do was get decisions made. But yours are sexist, too. Maddening. All you can do is stay icily professional and look surprised and taken aback when they start that kind of thing. ‘ I really don’t see why that’s relevant.’

And blow their minds and tell them your DH is a SAHP.

First one was sexist. Second one was socially awkward and sexist. Last one sounded fairly empathetic if clueless.

I think some people just use it as a topic of conversation. They feel awkward because you're visibly pregnant and don't know what to say so people usually ask the same stock questions and comments. I didn't mind the questions and comments because I was expecting my first and just walked around in a happy daze with my bump. It felt surreal so I was happy to talk about it. What I did mind was a bus driver asking me to pick up the ticket someone else had dropped when I was 37 weeks pregnant! I told him there's no way I'm getting back up if I do! CF!

You are not being overly sensitive OP. I had the same when I was pregnant. Everyone I met in a professional capacity was completely distracted by my bump when I wanted to be treated as a professional. Lots of personal questions and comments on my appearance. One person I met in a professional setting immediately started telling me about his wife’s hypnobirthing and how painless it was!!! I have no solution but have huge empathy for how annoying it is.

I’d say overly sensitive as they are just showing interest.

I’m not due till decemeber as well and I don’t think I’m that big so I’d of taken offence to that comment as well.

Think you need to booked yourself into the salon have a lovely pregnancy massage, have a mani and pedicure (or whatever you do to pamper) you sound like you need some me time to relax and unwind

I announced to my colleagues and I got 'thought you were as you were getting a bit, you know...' (I haven't gained any weight yet), and way too many questions about contraception (surprise baby). I still seethe about the checkout girl who thought I was due any day (last baby) and I was only 18 weeks and she noticeably dropped her jaw when I said as much. People lose their filter when faced with pregnant women...

You’re being overly sensitive. Give people a break!

First one was sexist. Second one was socially awkward and sexist. Last one sounded fairly empathetic if clueless.

This was my impression too.

Lol Sparklybanana! I had this too! I was all bump and one colleague said to me when I was about 6 months "oh I didn't know you were pregnant. I thought you were carrying a bit of extra timber!"

Today someone just stared at my slightly rounding belly... it became so awkward I eventually started the conversation with "I am actually 18 weeks pregnant"

I was meant with "OH, ARE YOU?!" whichni find even more offending as it felt like they was blatantly staring at the stomach for an eternity.

Sound like they are just trying to make conversation and naturally die to your visable bump, they are making comparisons to their own experiences of having a family. It's a weird one when we are pregnant because I think that people can be very invasive with questions and touching of bumps too, but it's sort of like it sparks a special memory in them and that's why they go overboard with how they speak about it and those people who touch your bump. Very few of them actually intend to make us feel uncomfortable but unfortunately that's how we can come off feeling after being questioned and poked and prodded by different people.

I think general comments about bump and family stuff is just people trying to be pleasant - even if they are a bit misguided. I'd just smile and go with it.

The stuff about getting home to your children and where are your children now is very different. That's just plain old sexism and it's really fucking annoying. You're going to get a lot of that.

I bet your partner will never, ever be asked who is looking after his baby when he goes back to work. Men don't get asked these sorts of questions. They are treated the same as they were pre children, because it isn't seen as their responsibility. It is solely the female's responsibility to worry about these things, and if they child is "cruelly" left in daycare, it is only the woman who has left them there, not the man. The leaps of logic that people make are utterly absurd when you start to examine them closely, but it's just how people seem to think.

Not overly sensitive. It’s a pile of shite. I used to hate being pregnant and working. Drove me mad the comment I used to get. On one notable occasion the first words out of my client’s mouth were “oh, I didn’t expect an extra...” whilst eyeing up my bump...🙄 and then he made a complaint about my competency - the one and only complaint of my career so far... (which disappeared when I put in my detailed response).

I think the only thing you can do is stay professional and take it on the chin. Smile and move on?!

It sounds like they were being nice and trying to show an interest. I totally remember being oversensitive when pregnant tho....a combo of hormones sickness and spd got me super grumpy

Overly sensitive.

As for some of the comments, it's not sexist to show an interest. If you don't want to answer their questions you don't have to, but that doesn't mean they don't have a right to ask them.

I think they’re just trying to be friendly/find some common ground. Apart from the person ending the meeting early which I’d find odd.
I’ve found that if people know I have a child and work full time they ask intrusive questions about my childcare arrangements and I don’t really want to tell the truth that I hate being full time but need the money so I end up coming across overly blasé about it which I can see them privately making judgements about.

Good god I find these comments ridiculously UNoffensive

Nabana, how does any client have the "right" to ask what her husband does?

"It's not sexist to show an interest"...

Did you miss the part where a client cut the meeting short because the OP "better get back to her family"?! That would make me livid, pregnant or not.

You're not being over sensitive OP - pregnancy has suddenly put you in the category of 'wife and mother' in their eyes rather than 'person I have a professional relationship with'. I'd hate that shit.

Urgh that it’s annoying. I also work in a male dominated industry and when I got pregnant I could just see them distractedly starting at my bump and then come out with an awkward comment (not generally sexist but often a bit personal). I think they just didn’t know what to say. But in my opinion, in a professional capacity ‘congratulations’ is about as far as I think it should go! I don’t want to talk about it at work!

Thanks for all the comments! After sleeping on it I’ve decided that

1. is a sexist pig
2. was meant in an interested ‘I wonder how they make it work’ way and
3. is just a much older man who was trying to be nice

Nice to have a balanced view on here :)

Me and DM take DS (age 3) on a regular walk through fields/woodland thats also used by lots of dogwalkers.
We also carry pocket treats DS will happily walk 2 hours as long as there's a few digestives.