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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset for my DH and PIL regarding SIL's behaviour

10 replies

alidew · 14/08/2019 18:55

My DH and PIL recently spent a long weekend with my DH's sister for her significant birthday. The trip involved them paying for flights, hotels, transport and meals. MY DH also had to use some annual leave and he has very little left - we haven't had an annual holiday yet either. It was money we could ill afford but it was for her big birthday and they were all looking forward to spending time with her as my DH hasn't seen her for 3 years as she lives so far away. They were away for 3 days but only saw the SIL for 2 meals during that time as she was too busy with her partner, his parents and his grown-up children who live with her. Both meals were at 7pm and my DH was back in the hotel room before 9pm each night, so it really was very limited. He and his parents are very upset, not just because of the cost but also because she spent so little time with them, even though she had asked them to come for a long weekend. They ended up having to go on a bus tour of the city and other things on their own to fill the time - the city isn't a destination they would ever have chosen to visit, they were only there to see her and she knew this. AIBU to find this a bit out of order?

OP posts:
bluebeck · 14/08/2019 18:59

Not really your business is it? I would keep out of it.

It's a shame DH spent all that money and used up annual leave but that would have happened even if he had a wonderful time and presumably you already agreed to this?

If DH is angry with his sister it's his job to tell her.

neverdrinkingagain66 · 14/08/2019 19:01

Yes that is very out of order of your SIL. YANBU.

Singlenotsingle · 14/08/2019 19:07

It's the same as a holiday that turns out to be disappointing, isn't it? It can happen wherever and whenever. You just learn by your mistake and vow never to do it again.

I suppose either the PIL or the DH could mention to her that they were sad not to have been able to spend more time with her, but not your place to get involved.

Purpleartichoke · 14/08/2019 19:07

How is it not her business? It is her money, her time with her spouse, and her time solo parenting.

alidew · 14/08/2019 19:20

Thank you all, I am upset on their behalf. It is absolutely not my business to interfere but I have a horrible feeling nothing will be said to clear the air and this will affect the (already quite fragile) relationship they have. It is hard to be a bystander.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 14/08/2019 19:24

Yanbu. If SIL couldn't be arsed to make an effort she should have objected to the trip.
Who's idea was it? Did SIL get much notice? Has her DPs visited in the 3 years.
She clearly has her own life, it was still rude IMO.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 14/08/2019 19:25

Was there no itinerary laid out beforehand? Were they all in the same villa/hotel ? Were expectations laid out beforehand? What were they expecting to happen, other than evening meals?

Summerunderway · 14/08/2019 19:28

Best leave it longer than 3 years next time.
Sounds like she has moved away and moved on from her own family sadly.

Cherrysoup · 14/08/2019 19:30

How very odd. Having just spent some days with family, it was all about what we were doing together for most of each day. My next weekend is also planned all round seeing them and spending time with them.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 14/08/2019 19:40

There were 3 adults on this trip. Why was nothing arranged beforehand? . Why did nobody actually say anything to the woman?

I don't get all this pussyfooting around and moaning about it afterwards. Maybe I'm just too outspoken. 🙅🏻‍♀️

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