Potty training my three and a half year old

[user1472709746]

I have tried everything to get my three and a half year old dd to poo on the toilet and nothing works! She has been potty trained for weeing for over 6 months and will quite happily take herself off to the toilet to wee with no intervention from me.

I have tried sticker charts, bribery, reading books about using the toilet, roll play with her toys, letting her have her ipad on the toilet to stop it being boring for her, making her clean the knickers herself. Nothing works! I even have had laxatives prescribed to eliminate constipation as a possible cause. She isn't even particularly bothered if I don't clean her straight away. She will ask me to clean her up but if I say 'I'm busy right now' she will just walk off and do something else and forget about it.

I gave up trying to get her to poo on the toilet about 2 months ago (as it hadn't progressed at all in 4 months) and instead focused on just getting her to tell me before she goes so I can at least put a nappy on her. She wont tell me. She goes in her knickers literally every single time.

At one point I just put her back in nappies as I was so sick of her clothes getting soiled but she stopped using the toilet for weeing so I put her back in knickers to avoid her regressing even further with toilet training.

She has no developmental issues and is otherwise normal. I know she has some control over her bowel movements because she never goes at nursery. Only when she is with me.

Advice please! I am at my wits end!

She'll get there. My little one has the same issue for quite a while. I tried to encourage her to get to the loo when I saw 'the face' and eventually she allowed herself to be coaxed into doing the poo on the loo. It wasn't an instant 'click' then - there were still times when she didn't want to use the loo & just went in her pants, but it gradually improved and she got more and more used to it. She's pretty reliable now. Just keep gently encouraging her and she'll get there. It's great she has the wees sorted!

Everyone was saying 'she will get it' for months but I literally haven't met a single other child in real life who has been this resistant. People have now started raising their eyebrows in surprise when I tell them she still hasn't got it!

She’s three and a half so old enough to have a conversation - what does she actually say when you ask her why she refuses to poo in the toilet?

What does she do at nursery? Poo in the toilet or just not poo at all?

My son didn't start using the loo for p oo until just before school of there were any raised eyebrows I just ignored their problem not mine

There is some good advice on the ERIC website. It talk about it in reference to constipation but the same techniques work for reluctant poopers.

www.eric.org.uk/how-to-prevent-constipation-in-children

The main thing is to not make a big deal of it. I know its stressful but don't fuss, don't get cross, don't make it a big thing, you need to stay relaxed. Get her into a toilet routine where she sits on the toilet a few times a day, such as after meals, for around 20 mins or so (a tablet or story book can help with the sitting). The goal is not to poo, just to get used to sitting on the loo. If she does poo then lots of praise. Movicol can help keep things moving, stop her getting constipated if she is withholding, and help get her into a good routine by helping her feel the urge to go, it'll be worth speaking to your GP to see if they feel she needs a prescription for it.

If you haven't read it already then Poo Goes To Poo Land is a good resource to read to her, it can be downloaded online for free.

I had this issue with my daughter, even when I put her on the toilet she held it in most of the time but on occasion she did it on the toilet but not very often I ended up putting her back in nappies.
Then 1 day she just took herself to the toilet and did it and she's been doing it ever since something must have just clicked with her I'm not sure what though.

Poor you. My first piece of advice is ignore everyone who says they have their kids fully potty trained by 3. They are lying/kidding themselves.
Second piece of advice - make sure you have treats for you planned be that whatever.
Third piece of advice, orange juice (even dilute prune juice which dd got to like )
Fourth piece of advice, poo goes to pooland (as pp have said)
Fifth (you can count, you get the picture), try an open nappy on a potty to get the idea.
Make toilet time fun and relaxed (see 2 above). Blowing bubbles, real or imaginary gets the right muscles working as does raising the knees by using a footstool. We had lots of fun (see 2 above) when dd put her hands together in front of herself and blew an imaginary bubble. It got bigger and bigger and then floated in the air until it swallowed me up and you couldn't hear me talk scream (see 2 above). And then it popped with great hilarity all around (see 2 above).
If this doesn't work yet, take you time and try again later (see 1 and 2 above).

Does she have a regular time of day (or thereabouts) that she poos, as most people usually go in the morning or in the evening but a similar time each day. If you can work out a time frame then I'd put on the toilet every 20-30 minutes during that time frame. She'll get bored of doing this after a few days if you're consistent with it, tell her she's eating into her own play time and could be doing much more fun things that sitting on the loo every 20 minutes waiting for a whole morning. Keep her on for 10 minutes each time and tell her you're waiting for a poo.

Google the book poo goes to Pooland and print it off

Although my DD has ASD she is very aware and this was the biggest problem we had earlier this year. Her refusing to poo on the toilet. We got her PECs with the step by step of toilet time. She was hesitant to do her poop on the loo for like 2 weeks and would only do it on the potty. Then one day the penny dropped and she did it in the loo. I made such a happy big fuss that she now expects a parade every time she poops😑 Just keep asking when shes weeing if she'd like to do a poo as well? Hope it goes well!

We had the same issues so we just left it for ages. Then one day it was into pants and taking DS to the toilet and he just instantly got it. We waited until he was just 4 though. He wouldn’t entertain the idea at all until then. No idea what happened as I was trying the week before in the garden and he was happily weeing in his pants, then a few days later it was the toilet with only a couple of accidents first week and now it’s perfect. Kids are so weird sometimes!

Be patient.

We tried many things, had almost 8 months of on and off tolietting.

Starting school in two weeks and it’s only just getting sorted. All we had to do was give them the chance and time to work it out for themselves.

It’s just one of those things you can’t rush if the child just isn’t ready or doesn’t want to. You end up going in circles and doing more harm than good.

My first piece of advice is ignore everyone who says they have their kids fully potty trained by 3. They are lying/kidding themselves.

Except some children are fully potty trained by 3 and to say their parents are either lying or kidding themselves is pretty shitty, tearing those parents down is not the right way to build other parents up.

Potty training depends entirely on the individual child. Some will be ready at age 2, some won't be ready until much later, some will take a matter of days to train, others will take longer, some embrace it, some resist it. You never know which child yours will be until the time comes.

@Venger , my apologies. However there is a tendency amongst some people to use potty training as another element of competitive parenting which makes that those who aren't there yet feel like shit.
Obviously anyone who has cracked it early should be proud of themselves. But my experience is that they still have wet beds, wet undies and occasionally more. They just spin it in a different way. All power to anyone who is successful early on but don't spoil that success by making everyone else feel useless.

I will try googling Poo goes to Pooland. Hopefully it will help!

There has been a lot of transition recently. Newish baby, new house and I am super tired so am definitely reacting more emotionally than I should be. I know I need to be more calm about it but I am just so sick of cleaning it up and it's so frustrating not being able to work out what the problem is.

When I ask her why she went in her knickers rather than telling me and going on the toilet she just says 'cos I did' over and over.