To just want my own fucking way/ a break?

[OverpricedFloorCushion]

I work full time with 9yo DS.

I have only been granted two days annual leave through the entire summer which have been and gone. As such, all my spare time has gone on keeping up with housework and ferrying DS to various babysitters, all of whom live 20 or more miles away.

Every fucking time I manage to grab a small amount of time to myself, something fucks it.

Last night I cleaned the whole house, got washing etc sorted, helped DS tidy his room so we could just enjoy a relaxed day.

DP has declared he needs me to go to a certain shop this morning, on the other side of town; fuck off.

Have just brewed a pot of coffee to sit and enjoy it with my book, downstairs neighbour started hammering something the minute I plonked my arse.

Landlord has expressed a wish to come round and see to some odd jobs later.

Have a missed call from a grandparent which will later on result in an hour long phone conversation about bus times and shopping, which I will humour because my grandparents are wonderful but it just cuts into my down time.

I realise these are small things but it just feels like I never get any proper peace.

Does anyone else feel like this?

You sound angry. It's frustrating and you're right not to go shopping with DH. Does he help with housework?
Why are you doing everything?

Totally ignore dh - is he not capable of going by himself?!

I totally get you. Every single day, I have plans to do certain things, then my DH decides we need to do the neighbour’s garden (she is very old and simply can’t do things like lop big branches), then he bought something and had to pick it up from over an hour away. It’s a good job I like spending time with him!

Set some clear boundaries. I am fiercely protective of my down time and I don’t allow anything to compromise it.

I’ve worked really hard over the last few years cutting down on my obligation. I no longer speak on the phone to people and it’s rare people come over. It’s just too overwhelming. Pretty much everything is on my terms and if people don’t like it they can knob off!

Until you mentioned DP I'd assumed you were a single parent as no partner to take time off / share housework / ferry your child around

Is he your childs father? Does he not do his first share?

I also assumed you were a single parent until you mentioned DH. Why isn’t he helping with these things?

Also, why is the childcare 20 miles away when you say you live in a town?

Yanbu to be annoyed. I get the same sometimes.

Usually it’s when I’ve said to dh and ds (And now new Dd) that I need a rest/break/whatever and I’m just taking hour/half hour etc. And it’s midway through that dh comes to find me with ds. “Let’s see what mummy’s doing shall we?” Fuck off will you?!

Don’t get me wrong I love dh and ds and dd. But sometimes I just want it to be me!!!

We do have a thing called “no contact Monday’s” or we did until Dd arrived 2 weeks ago.

Basically once ds is in bed dh and I don’t talk to each other. I don’t answer the phone. No texts. No emails. Nothing. No contact. I used this time to have a bath, read book, chill. And dh knew not to disturb me.

With 2 week old Dd it’s more difficult to do this but I’m trying to schedule down time in.

When we had kids we had to agree that the house wouldn’t be as clean as usual. Share chores or let things go a bit to free up time.

For work I have non iron shirts. You hang them up when the wash is done and they don’t crease. We haven’t ironed anything for several years. Are there some other tasks that could be cut out. Clean the shower / bath when you’re in it. Saves a fair bit of time. Have you got a dishwasher

Also. You need to make sure you’re polite but firm about time ‘I’m really sorry I can’t talk on’. It’s a bit brusque but needs must. And get your partner to do their share.

What we did was get an app that you put all the cleaning tasks into, then the frequency they need to be done by, and you do it on a rolling basis of 1-2 things per day, therefore the house stays clean and you don’t have to do exhausting multi hour sessions of cleaning

UANBU. Particularly hard during school holidays. I'm going to book some annual leave when the kids are back in school for MY break (like a few hours). Any more local babysitters?

YANBU. It's incredibly draining to be constantly disturbed especially when all you want to do is spend half an hour reading a book. Your partner needs to be more considerate (as does mine!). Don't really know what to suggest because I personally feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall when I've tried to discuss it. Just wanted you to know you weren't the only one x

Pretty much everything is on my terms and if people don’t like it they can knob off!

I really, really wish I could be like this. I never put myself first because I end up feeling guilty or worrying about upsetting people. Teach me your ways!

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery haha, it took a very, very long time. I used to be a complete people pleaser and would be incapable of saying no but it was always at my expense and I became burned out.

What I’ve found is once the boundaries are in place and you stick to them people get over it. They just accept it as the new you and the new normal. I’ve had very little backlash!

Glad I'm not alone!

DP doesn't live with me, he spends a night or two here a week and does help out a bit when he's here to be fair. But because I drive and he doesn't things like this tend to fall on me. He has also taken leave and flexitime to help a bit with DS (not his). He likes to be busy when he has downtime whereas I like some space to let my brain switch off and he doesn't understand why it bothers me to have to drive around running non-urgent erramds when all I want to do is veg out.

My childminder is on holiday (had booked leave to cover this but it wasnt granted) so DS has been with various family members depending on who is free to help out at the time.

Can I ask what app you use Super? I'm a slattern at heart but have recently moved and have been trying not to let things slide so its easier to keep on top of.

Give dh a job to do on his day off.
Whats the betting he pulls a face. We all need time and space,so its up tp you to take it.
And don`t feel guilty.

YANBU I get what you mean about there being no time to yourself. Every now and again I tell everyone (including husband, kids, parents) I'm working that day and prepare as if I'm going to work but really it is my day off. The kids go to school and no-one bothers me. I feel guilty but at the same time time I love it.

KUGA It doesn't bother him though. He likes to be busy and is generally out and about on his days off anyway, he just doesn't seem to get that I like having nothing to do occassionally, to let my brain switch off.