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Original poster

Trying to trace someone - using AIBU for traffic

41 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 13/08/2019 23:45

Hello all!
I'm trying to trace someone I knew 20 years ago, when I knew him he was in the army-stationed in Salisbury at the time. He's not on Facebook/Instagram - LinkedIn. I still have his number but it's not his anymore. I have tried the various email addresses I can think of. Does anyone have any clever ideas about how to trace someone with limited info!!!

OP posts:
bouncingraindrops · 14/08/2019 18:18

Write to the army pensions office and ask them to forward your address, if he served for a long time he would be receiving an immediate pension.

This is not ok. People have the right to only be contacted by the pensions office; Not some random woman who has decided she wants to reconnect after 20 years. There are many cases where people need to be protected and this kind of contact would not be ok. There is no way the pensions office will risk it.

If the guy is not on social media and can't be found by google I think it's safe to say he doesn't want to be found

Ravingstarfish · 14/08/2019 18:21

What regiment? How old?

LeggyLinda · 14/08/2019 18:29

You could post on the “looking for” forum on Arrse or the website of of specific regiment and ask for information.
However, I would recommend against it - the past is the past. He’s probably moved on and you should too IMO

Dyrne · 14/08/2019 18:39

I absolutely HATE seeing the ‘find this person’ stuff on social media - what if it’s someone escaping an abusive situation? People share without a second thought and then move on with their lives; but it could genuinely destroy others.

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 14/08/2019 21:52

Is it a good idea OP if you were in love with him!? (I'm going by your username!)

FlowerTink · 14/08/2019 22:04

I know OP is interested in this from a love viewpoint but I admit these types of things make me nervous.

We no longer have contact with some relatives as it was a 'stately homes' situation and we now have DC we want to stay protected, and it worries me that people share these social media "tracking down this person" posts without knowing it from the other side.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 14/08/2019 22:08

Pretty sure the pensions office wouldn’t forward anything. Would break GDPR.

No it wouldn't - no personal information is being given to the OP. ~

I wish people understood the law and legislation before quoting it

PennysPocket · 14/08/2019 22:19

Vets UK would not forward the letter on. Trust me. Can you imagine if it was an abuse letter full of death threats and not a love letter!

If you knew his regiment you could join their regimental Facebook. Most have them.

Thing is maybe let sleeping dogs lie. He probably is in a relationship now and blasts from the past don't always go down like they do in the movies.
What if it turns out he's a fat alcoholic arse?
Best to keep the nice memories you have of him.

HappyGirl86 · 14/08/2019 23:05

You must keep us updated if you have any luck OP. I wonder if he is trying to find you too!
Maybe he is on social media but uses a different name? I know lots of people who do that due to their job.

bouncingraindrops · 14/08/2019 23:17

Why would he be looking for her as well? Too much unrealistic romance on here. This is life, not a movie. Unsolicited contact from someone you knew over 20 years ago is plain weird. Ok; if they are on social media it's a bit different, but to actively try and track down someone you are having (probably false) feelings for when they have no visible internet presence is absolutely barking mad. It's very easy to focus on someone from your past, the likelyhood of them doing the same? Very very very slim.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 14/08/2019 23:22

Just make yourself visable on social media. If he wants to find you, he will, but please don't start tracking people down or getting people to share things on social media. You have no idea what's going on in his life right now.

mpsw · 14/08/2019 23:38

People who are not easy to find perhaps do not want to be found.

The military are very cagey about passing on info (always have been, for security reasons, long before GDPR, because you could be anyone, and your reasons for seeking contact might not be as you state them)

That said, try the relevant regimental association. They might be prepared to a tell a member that someone has been enquiring and do they want to receive contact info. OTOH they might not, but you have lost nothing by asking.

Deaths in combat are announced - if his name in not listed in the roll calls, then that is not what happened. Deaths of serving personnel for other reasons (eg fatal accident or RTA) may or may not be announced

Iamnotagoddess · 15/08/2019 00:11

@IAskTooManyQuestions

Using personal data held for business purposes for personal issues breaks GDPR.

HappyGirl86 · 15/08/2019 08:15

Just a little passing comment @bouncingraindrops maybe there's a secret hopeless romantic in me haha
He could still easily have feelings for her and be happy to get back in touch, I work as a registrar for marriages and I sometimes meet couples who lost touch for years and then get back in touch and end up getting married.
I know this isn't every day, but you never know.

saffy1234 · 15/08/2019 08:21

I love posts like this!

justmyview · 15/08/2019 08:37

Just make yourself visible on social media. If he wants to find you, he will

Good advice from @DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

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