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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a baby?

11 replies

Toooldnowx · 13/08/2019 21:05

Toooldnowx

AIBU to want a child at 45?

I have one 7 year old and I really long for another. I haven't tried but I want to. I'm worried I'm too old and that the pregnancy (if I got pregnant) would be risky. I'm physically fit as I run a lot.

Should I accept that I'm too old now? I feel a sense of regret.

OP posts:
Regreteverything · 13/08/2019 21:06

YANBU, plenty of women have children at your age.

AliceAbsolum · 13/08/2019 21:08

Yanbu but you may struggle. If so donor eggs are an option.

Ponoka7 · 13/08/2019 21:11

I think if you don't try you'll always regret it.

There's a small possibility that you'll succeed in having a baby.

Would trying mean that you would have to put your life on hold at all?

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2019 21:12

YANBU to want one, of course not. Do you have a partner? Nothing to stop you giving it a go n

Original poster
Toooldnowx · 13/08/2019 21:15

Thanks everyone. I would have to put my career on hold. I'm just so annoyed that I kept waiting and waiting for the right time to have another and I now fear it's too late.

OP posts:
Chitarra · 13/08/2019 21:15

YANBU to try but you should accept that it may not happen for you. What does your DH / DP think?

Original poster
Toooldnowx · 13/08/2019 21:18

Hi Anneloves. I'm married. My husband thinks it will finish him off Grin because he remembers the sleepless nights but would be happy to have another.

As I'm writing this I'm feeling the regret. This is the first time I've ever vocalised this beyond speaking to my husband. Saying it publicly, albeit in an anonymous forum, makes it so real - the wasted time waiting for nothing really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toooldnowx · 13/08/2019 21:21

I feel a bit unreasonable wanting to have a baby now. It doesn't seem ideal. Although 45 is not old it seems too old, if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/08/2019 21:24

You made the decision that was right at the time! This could be in part to your hormones suddenly making you want one so much more than you did 2/3/4 years ago.

I hope it happens for you Thanks

DisappearingGirl · 13/08/2019 21:57

YANBU - however, I've posted this before but will post again here.

Do consider the increased risk of genetic conditions. Not saying this is necessarily a reason to rule it out but it's worth considering how you feel about it (and a possible reason not to wait, if you do go for it).

For example, here's the risk of Down's Syndrome by age of mother at birth:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/downs-syndrome/causes/

www.niftytest.com/education-hub/apps/maternal-age-risk-calculator-step-1/

manicmij · 14/08/2019 00:23

To want one isn't being unreasonable.
Whenever I hear of someone giving birth at over 40 I do cringe as I was a child to a 45 year old mother 47 year old father and I hated it, absolutely hated it. Why? By the time I was 15 their interests were so so different from mine, their social set was "old" !and, even though they were very fit they were not into the same sports etc. They died when I was in my 30s compared to my friends who still have parents. Also there will be 8 years at least between your child and the baby. Age difference makes activities hard to do together as a family. I know I will be shot down in flames with the likes of 'women in their 40s are having children all the time". Just because someone does something, doesn't always make it right.

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