to ask how long it takes to recover from coercive control?

[OoohMasala]

I'm looking at the list of things my ex did to me and feeling sick, and angry, and vulnerable. He controlled me financially, told me I was fat and ugly and made me feel worthless when I was pregnant, he sexually coerced me, he punched walls, threw things, used gaslighting, drive dangerously (140mph) when I was in the car, was sarcastic, volatile, rude, aggressive, and really quite scary. If I showed you the list of things you would probably cringe. How the hell to I even begin to get over this? I can't afford counselling and don't think free counselling is worth doing (tried 3 times), I'm on a waiting list for the freedom program but I've oversubscribed and could be another 9-10 months, I've spoken to women's aid etc. I just feel angry and like he's continuing to abuse me by taking me to court for access to our child. How do I even begin to recover?

I want to be able to have a normal relationship one day (not soon, I am giving myself 2 years minimum), but the idea of it terrifies me. The idea of having sex again scares me as my ex was so rough and it hurt a lot of the time. He used to choke me when I didn't want him to and he would ejaculate on my face without telling me he was going to etc.

I don't know what to do. How do I make myself normal again?

Sorry about the lack of paragraphs. It's my phone. I type in paragraphs and they somehow disappear when I click post!

It took 2 years to actually hit me.

I felt good leaving, had bad days, but generally good. Got a new house, new job got the kids settled. Then once everything was in place, I fell apart.

I had counselling and 6 months later I feel loads better for it. Still on anxiety and depression meds.

But i had an abusive childhood, which is why I put up with so much shit. Probably should have been on them a long time ago anyway.

I am 4 years down the line and life is good. Still have to see the shit head occassionally. But its life is good.

Counselling was great. But it was my second attempt. The first attempt didnt help at all.

You poor thing. I don't think there is a timescale. You just need to heal little by little and get to know and love yourself. Don't set time limits. Don't pressure yourself at all. Be kind to yourself and seek help if you need it.

It will change you forever, but with time and counselling (proper trauma counselling with a psychotherapist) you will realise the strength you have. Took me a few years.

It was about two years after it ended when i woke up pne morning and realised that i could do whatever i wanted.

Then came depression and anxiety.

Id say five years on, I'm now enjoying life. It probably started a year ago.

So around 4-5 years.

I feel like I'm never going to recover. Going to docs today. I'm so tired