Narc controlling ex...AIBU to think I can get a dog if I want?

[Flappypants]

Hello
It's been a while since I was last on here. I'm the one with the speeding, sexually abusive narc gaslighting arseface STBXH.

Brief background/update...the DC and I ended up in a refuge last July after some superb support off this forum. It has been one of the worst - and weirdly best - 15 months if my life. But it's a horrible shitstorm still and he has managed to do enough of a number on CAFCASS to eventually get contact built up to 50/50 in due course. He hasn't lived here since last July. We both own the house. Finances ar3 yet to be sorted but there is no way the marital home can be kept.

While we were together he wouldn't let us have a dog. Our son has additional needs and both DC have really struggled with extended (or any really) contact. DD is still BF at age 3 even after four nights away. I feel that the upheaval of moving house, more and more time away from me with a father who ignored us completely for 7 years, the additional emotional and mental stress they are suffering etc would be alleviated by a sort of "therapy" dog. Speaking personally, I'm also lonely...when I'm by myself in the evenings and when the DC are away. I have hobbies, friends, I socialise and fill my time but my chest is cleaved by this whole process.

Anyway, STBXH keeps telling DS that I can't get a dog at this house and tonight during a contact call said "Mummy is going to have to talk to Daddy about that" when DS said we were getting one.

One one level of course the nasty bastard can't tell me what I can and can't do any more and he thinks he can still control me but is there any legal reason I can't get a dog? We could be here for ages yet but it will help the children cope with the transition to a new house eventually. Is he just being a total knob head and forgetting that he no longer has a say in my life??

There's so so much more I need to ask you all about narcs, children, how you cope with awful custody outcomes etc but we've found a doggo to adopt potentially!

TIA x

I replaced my ex with a dog. Much more loving, loyal, obedient and frankly tidier than him too

However, I'd encourage you to move house before getting a dog. This is purely because moving house can really unsettle a dog, particularly one with a rescue background who associates a new home with trauma. When I moved house my dog went through a 6 month phase of not letting anyone else through the front door (basically think pint sized guard dog...) - I couldn't have visitors of any variety unless I shut him in the bathroom, and in the end we had to get professional help.

Beagles are lovely but can be a bit crazy!

Dogs are wonderful healers and often used as therapets.

And your knobhead ex gets zero say in whether you can get a dog. He’s just trying to maintain his control. Just smile and nod and do whatever you planned anyway.

Agree with previous poster that you need to keep dog safe from ex though.

Tell him to piss off, absolutely non of his business what pets you get. Enjoy getting a new furry family member op

Hello all

Well, the man cannot help himself. He has taken this and gone to 100mph in a heartbeat. I received this yesterday, on DD's birthday after other rubbish from him accusing me of preventing phone calls, breaking his DD belongings in the house and so on. It is hilarious, if not a little bit sad that he can't allow the tiniest bit of pleasure.

Feast thine eyes:

"My client has become concerned to hear through DS that your client plans to get a puppy imminently. Whilst my client appreciates that your client is of course entitled to have a pet if she wishes, he felt it appropriate for me to write to you pre-emptively as the decision to get a puppy at this point will have a direct impact on him and the children. In circumstances where the FMH is likely to be sold, there are concerns that a new puppy may hinder the sale process. Damage to furniture, smells, stains etc. are unlikely to assist in making the house attractive to a potential purchaser. My client is also concerned that the costs of a dog are entirely unaffordable. Food, beds, toys, vaccinations, insurance, dog grooming etc. all cost money that this family simply do not have. In addition, your client will find herself in a difficult position in terms of maximising her earning capacity moving forward if she has a dog to care for or will have the added cost of a dog walker if she plans to leave the dog for long periods at home.

Ultimately this if of course a decision for your client and long-term, if she decides to get a pet, that is entirely a matter for her. However, my client does not feel that it is fair for him and the children to be penalised financially as a result of this decision and he therefore asks that your client reconsider her decision. For the avoidance of doubt, if your client does get a pet, my client will not be in any way responsible for the costs of doing so, including any impact it may have on her future earning capacity and will ask the Court to consider this email if the issue becomes pertinent."

Plar, your post was very timely. He has listened to the chatter of small children and made a series of assumptions.

I just said to my lawyer I wasn't going to waste money discussing a non-issue, that there is no imminent puppy and that there are significant benefits as a physical and emotional therapy and encouragement for DS, help with transition to a new home and, not that it has anything to do with STBXH, a benefit to me at a very difficult and lonely time of my life. He really is a controlling Twat who has more time and money than sense (he's reduced his NET income from £280k pa to a fraction of that, hidden money, pays me a pittance in maintenance and has no idea how what my plans are or if any animal will be a gift or what.

Silly man.

Personally I would aim to get a mature dog when your home is settled.

But in the mean time I would make sure that every time he collects the children I was borrowing a dog, ideally increasing size on a regular basis. So after a few months you have some sort of wolf hound milling around.

Ideally deny all knowledge of the dog if mentioned and swiftly arrange to borrow a cat to confuse him.

So after a few months you have some sort of wolf hound milling around

Love it, what a knob.

I have a 35kg greyhound you can borrow

Op you can borrow this. I promise your ex won't hang about giving you crap...

I have a terrier you can borrow. Great guard dog, tends to run at visitors growling and then run off to find a ball and start a game of fetch with them. Sounds much bigger than he really is. Puts the wind up people when he needs to.