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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children playing out

27 replies

Poops81 · 13/08/2019 15:56

Is this a bit odd? There are two small girls in my street (4 and 6) who play out unsupervised all the time. I won’t let my six year old out on the street unsupervised but she is allowed to play in the garden with her 3 year old sister. They have seen them out so I let them in the garden to play as I felt sorry for them Mum had no idea where they were, you can’t see our house from there house. They were round our house til 8pm last week when I had to ask them to leave. They were still playing in the street at 9.30 They knock on my door about 5 times a day asking to play and I have just started pretending my daughter is out. It’s not sitting with me right at all. They so little and out unsupervised on the street all the time but I can’t take them in all the time and let them play as they caused carnage in the house last week and it’s not fair on my husband to have to come home to a houseful of children that aren’t his!

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 13/08/2019 15:59

You shouldnt be taking them in anyway. And it isnt your place to police other parents choices

These things are always regional or class domionated. Small villages or cul-de-sacs fine to play out; living on Brixton High Street, not so fine to play out.

whyohwhyflowerdear · 13/08/2019 16:04

On my street children from as young as 4 up to the age of 10 all play together. My son has just turned 8 and has only been playing out since this spring. It depends how safe your street is. My youngest is 3 and desperate to play out. I stand in the front garden and watch her for a little bit when she wants to join in with her brothers.

Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 16:07

This is what I do to 🙂

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/08/2019 16:15

You really shouldnt invite the children in to your house OP
In addition no it is not normal to yet young kids play out in the street!
Out of interest do they have their own back garden?

Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 16:17

Sorry to clear up any confusion I didn’t take them in. I let them in our yard to play I had the door open cooking i the kitchen and they inevitably ended up in the house! Yes they have a back garden x

OP posts:
mbosnz · 13/08/2019 16:17

And it isnt your place to police other parents choices

I would say it is if you feel their parenting choices are placing their very young children at risk.

Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 16:23

Thank you. 🙂

OP posts:
Justgivemesomepeace · 13/08/2019 16:36

I would set the expectation with them now that they cant play in the house.
I have a similar situation with the 4yr old next door to me. They let him in their garden and shut their doors. He then climbs through the fence and comes into mine. My 6 yr old plays with him but it got to the point he was coming into the house and playing with ds toys, messing up his room, playing in the bathroom and was a real mytherer, wanting drinks biscuits and toys we didnt want him to play with, putting his shoes on. Meanwhile next doors back door stayed shut. Mines open in the nice weather. I was lying on my bed one sunday eating a kit kat and in he wandered. It got silly.
Rules now are outside only. He doesnt come in as he was getting too familiar.
You have to be quite firm and clear and just say outside only. Shoo them out of the garden at mealtimes or when you want them to go.
However on sunday dd(16) felt sorry for him when he wandered in and put thomas on the tv for him and played planes with him for an hour when we were out.

Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 16:55

Thank you this was very useful, its a bit unnerving having uninvited kids in your house. I need to be firm, i have fobbed them off for so long saying she is not in i think they getting bored now! Enjoy the rest of your summer x

OP posts:
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 13/08/2019 18:37

Are there any other kids out on the street?

What's the state of these girls? Do they look clean,looked after? Do they go back in for food? Do they stay in when the weather is bad? Are they dressed accordingly for the weather?

Is there anyone at home so they can go in if it rains/there's an emergency/they're hurt?

Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 20:36

They were in our yard last week they went to get thier tea, we went in for ours, they were back about a min later, so i dont think they ate. They have asked for food before. They have knocked on our door in the rain before in sumer clothes They look reasonably well dressed and well cared for in general though. There is someone at home, i dont think the mum or dad are leaving the house at any point and leaving them just on the street

OP posts:
Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 20:39

there are two older boys out on bikes sometimes but no other children play on the street, its a unaddopted road, so its a dirt track full of pot hoes and not very nice

OP posts:
HappyParent2000 · 13/08/2019 20:44

There is a 6 year old who frequently comes to a local park alone, often plays with my 3 year old for ages, I put my feet up and keep an eye out.

I see lots of children out with their parents and alone as I spend a lot of time at playparks. Seems pretty normal around our way. Will be happy to let mine play local when he is mature enough.

SparklyMagpie · 13/08/2019 20:54

So you've reported it then right? If you think it's wrong ( and I'm not saying for a second I don't agree because that is concerning and obviously sounds like their isn't a concerned parent) you'll have reported it

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 13/08/2019 20:54

I think the scales are tipping more towards neglect and less free range parenting/everyone else does it.

Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 20:59

I wouldnt let my six year old girl go to the park on her own.

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 13/08/2019 21:05

What do you plan to do about it though?

You have a few options

1.turn a blind eye and turn them away from your door. Not your circus not your monkeys
2.take them under your wing and say nothing

  1. Keep an eye out for them and ask for advice from places like NSPCC.
4.report to SS
Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 21:10

Thank you for your reply. I think option three is my best option right now. We also have a community police officer I might phone him for a chat too, see if he might be able to point out the dangers of young children playing out. It maybe the mum is just oblivious.

OP posts:
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ysmaem · 13/08/2019 21:21

I agree that 4 is a maybe a bit young, but I allow my 6 year old out to play on our street with his 8 year old brother (we live in a very small town) and there are 2 other boys who are also 6 who play out with them. But playing out and about at that age is the norm where I live.
I agree with other pp that you shouldn't allow them into your garden and house unless you've consulted their parent(s) first. If you don't want them in the house causing carnage then you've got to stop letting them in.

SparklyMagpie · 13/08/2019 21:28

Can't really moan about it if you haven't/aren't doing anything though Confused so you can't be that concerned

Original poster
Poops81 · 13/08/2019 21:38

Thanks for your comment. I don’t really think I am “moaning”’just concerned. I have known these girls a week and wanted some advice on what I think is a neglectful situation. I have had some great advice from one poster which I am going to take on board. Have a lovely evening x

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 13/08/2019 21:40

Well OP said she plans to speak to someone so maybe we should allow her time to do that?

She took the first step of asking for opinions,checking it's really an issue, like hundreds others do on this site and others.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 13/08/2019 21:43

NSPCC contact details.

www.nspcc.org.uk

Call us or email [email protected]k_.
0808 800 5000

Or online on the website.

You can have a chat,ask for advice or report anonymously. If there is significant concern they will report to SS themselves.

Once school starts if your kids go to the same school you can also talk to someone there (head,safe guarding lead etc) and they will keep an eye out or add it to other concerns they might have.