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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex SiL manipuating GCs

8 replies

GrannyKewl · 13/08/2019 15:19

Hi, my ex son in law was an abusive arsehole while he was living with my daughter, he ate the kids packed lunch stuff, hit my daughter, banished the kids to their rooms all the time, threatened to punch me the first time I met him, is a gambling addict, never contributed anything financially or otherwise, now lives in his mum's in his old bedroom aged approaching 40, turns up at my DDs house when she's at work, tells the kids [only one is his biological child] that mum doesn't care about them and that's why she goes to work, tells them and my DD about the [alleged] women he's f**king, tells my DD she's a mug for going to GA now that she is free of his influence [re gambling anyway]. What can she do to stop him turning up? The kids let hm in because they've forgotten about his violence, about him smashing up the x-box and tv, about his general abuse. I live hundreds of miles away or I'd be there guarding the door, guarding my family more than I can be. He pays no maintenance, why would he? He's never contributed anything, my DD worked full time to be able to afford everything including his gambling habit and then sadly hers, while he lay on the sofa getting fatter and lazier. She's a good mum, she deserves a good life and so do my GC but none of them are going to have one while this useless tosser is hanging around. I have no AIBU question but this looks the busiest bit if I want answers. Help.

OP posts:
GrannyKewl · 13/08/2019 15:23

My question I didn't ask is what can my daughter do to stop him coming round to her house and manipulating the kids?

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 13/08/2019 15:46

what can my daughter do to stop him coming round to her house and manipulating the kids?

Can she afford a solicitor (or can you)? She could file a restraining order against him if she's able to prove his influence on them is harmful.

Teddybear45 · 13/08/2019 15:48

Being honest to the kids is a good start. Protecting kids from the knowledge that their dad is abusive makes no sense - they need it hammering home that he’s going to hurt them and if they allow him in the house again their keys will be removed.

bridgetreilly · 13/08/2019 16:12

How old are the children?

makingmammaries · 13/08/2019 16:16

Can she try to get a job that would allow her to move away?

GrannyKewl · 14/08/2019 10:34

I've been looking up non molestation orders and suggested this to my daughter, other than that I don't know. Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
FiveFarthings · 14/08/2019 11:12

Did your daughter ever report any of the abuse to the Police? There are very strong domestic violence/harassment/stalking/child protection laws in the UK. Maybe she could speak to the family protection unit in her local Force? Even if she doesn’t want to take formal action, they will be able to give her advice and put her in touch with the right people.

GrannyKewl · 14/08/2019 13:40

The kids are aged 17, 14, 12 and 10

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