To be sad that he can go 24 hours without speaking to me?

[Lalandia]

Been with my partner for 18 months now, we don’t live together. Both work normal 9-5 jobs. 9 out of 10 times I’m always the one who initiate contact. I’ll text him in the morning before work most days, or quick call in the evenings. At first I thought maybe it’s because I’m the first one to text/call so he doesn’t get a chance, so I stopped texting to see how long it would take him to contact me. I didn’t hear anything from him the first 24 hours , on day 2 he texted me in the evening but it was to ask something (think “ did the parcel come today”) and that was that.

I don’t think I’m being needy, one text or call would do in a 24 hour period. AIBU?

You text several times a day while you are at work?!

I disagree that he’s necessarily not that into you. He must get love you deeply but have different needs in terms of contact.
I think we know when we’re loved, something in us relaxes and leans in to the love. Do you feel loved, or always a bit wanting more?

Maybe he’s just got nothing to say in a quick text. What is the point in sending a message that just says hi or something? It’s a waste of time. It’s much more bland to send a set of pointless texts on a daily basis than have a nice meet-up on a less frequent basis.

Every couple is different, what's normal for some is bizarre to others. It's a bit odd that PPs don't seem to get this (or rather are too keen to put the boot in).

DH and I have been together well over a decade, we still message every day, just random stuff. Some people would undoubtedly see this as OTT/soppy - honestly, neither of us gives a flying fuck. We do what works for us.

I actively dislike being texted or called too often. At work especially - I don't keep my phone on my desk and it's always on silent so I wouldn't see/hear it anyway - this is the same at every workplace I've been in. I agree with PPs that it's different needs/expectations, not that either of you are "wrong". Personally for me it can indicate a level of stability and security in a relationship, that you don't need to know the minutiae of each other's day.

Why are people saying he’s not your partner, he’s your boyfriend? Surely it’s just different words meaning the same thing?

YABU. It would drive me insane if someone were texting me "for a chat", not because they needed anything, when I was getting up and getting out in the morning.
I agree with what munemema said int the first reply, and totally disagree with JayDot500 on this page.

However, Havelock has it right, with this Every couple is different, what's normal for some is bizarre to others.

I have a really really screwed picture of this as my OH has a job where he goes Sst and can’t contact or text me for 4/5 months.

He also lives away in the week and we always text and never call (he used to call me and had nothing to say 😂).

So I am pretty independent from him, but it’s about what you need and want here isn’t it? And it doesn’t sound like you are getting it so talk to him about how you feel.

*away

You're not wrong, but neither is he.

Everyone has different needs - you're someone who likes regular contact in between dates, he's obviously not that bothered.

Only you can decide if it's a dealbreaker or not.

@BackforGood Well, that's just it. YOU don't want that type of relationship, but if your partner wanted more, then would you be willing to give more? Or perhaps your partner would want even less from you, and get irritated because you just felt like calling one day to say 'hi'.

I don't like that the OP is being told to settle down and lower her relationship expectations when her opinions/values are valid ones.

I don't really remember how often we used to send messages before we lived together, we'd message a lot when we weren't seeing each other but maybe would skip some days if we were busy. The idea of texting on lunchbreak is crazily specific and impossible in some jobs, it's something I could manage maybe once every 10 working days at most. The issue you have really is the inequity; it isn't one of you busy on one day and another next Thursday, it's him not contacting as often as you do. Try talking to him, that's the only way you can move this forward and your relationship needs to work for you specifically rather than for 60% of the randoms on mumsnet.

I originally thought this thread was going to be about you having had an argument and not talking for 24hrs tbh! YANBU.

My DP & I live together but are still in some sort of contact most days. Usually just funny memes via WhatsApp or wee stories about our day rather than full blown conversations. At the start of our relationship we would only see each other on weekends and we were pretty much constantly in touch then, messages or emails during the day in work and then a call at night or the odd text if we were out with friends etc. This was natural from both sides rather than one chasing the other though, and still is.

I don't think it's needy to want more than that imo.

OP doesn't need to lower her expectations but if she's concerned that she's doing all the running and he's not as interested then if she steps back a bit she will see if he's just genuinely not a texter/caller or losing interested.

Or, better, she should have a conversation with him. Not about changing him and pushing him, which she implied should happen by comparing him to all her friends dps and stating she wasn't asking too much for texts every day. As equally as she shouldn't have to lower expectation, he shouldn't have to lower his for her and do something he isn't comfy with.

Everyone is different. Since they've been dating 18 months i wonder why it's not come up before.

I know people who chatted every night for an hour to their dp until they moved in, my dp and i would have been bored. We enjoyed f2f more. Different stokes for different folks. Luckily we were on the same page about it. After 18 months, why are OP and her dp not?

I think it does definitely vary from person to person. My fiance and I text during the day and always have done. In the beginning we text during the day and called each other at night but that's just us. Mind you if it's a very busy day we probably text once and we live together. I once dated someone and we text /called every few days.

You do sound a bit needy tbh. That being said I contact my mum every day, I miss her if I dont. I can go a few days without contacting siblings. I txt, watsapp my husband once a day. When I have been away from dh I will always message to check in but have gone over 48 hours without phoning him and vice versa. We rarely txt each other if we are out with friends. I do ring him on his way home from work as my dd 3 wants to talk to her daddy, it also distracts them long enough for me to run the hoover around before my dh gets home.

Talk to him if you feel it is an issue to gage how he feels.