Evening visitors and kids bedtimes

[Hairwizard]

So this is fucking pissing me off now. Am i being a dick about this or are they being inconsiderate?

I have been getting dcs back to routine again after it all went to shit on arrival of the twins almost 6 weeks ago.
Dinner for dcs is now from 5-6.30 depending on what im making. Dd who is 15mths then is for bath story and into bed for 7. Ds who is almost 6 will get bath then ready for bed and story around 7.30-7.45. Twins obvs not in routine yet but will have bottle then moved to cot in bedroom where its dark (getting them used to day/night).

My issues is ILs. While i have no issue with them dropping by theyve taken to dropping in on an evening. When im trying to get everyone to bed.
Bil usually lands in after 7 and often after 8, ds then gets all over excited and wanting to carry on with him, then wont go to bed when hes here. He is then hard to settle once bil leaves.
Sil for eg dropped him round home after 9 as he had gone to work with daddy then looking home cos hungry/tired. She had stopped by the gym so decided to bring him home.
Of course, ds' whining for sil to do bedtime starts up, but she cant do just one story, then he whinges for her to lie beside him til he goes to sleep(that could be anything from 30min to an hr) this is every time shes here.
Last night she told him she couldnt as had to go home to get ready for the morning. Then sits down and starts fucking chatting, instead of leaving! So now he thinks shes staying a while. Then she gets a phone call and is sat on phone for a good 15min. Meanwhile he is whining on and refusing to go to bed.
All the crying wakes dd. I lose it. I take him to his room, hes crying louder that he wants to give auntie a hug. So we go to living room so he can give her a hug. Then hes crying even louder and refusing to go back to bed. I ended up lifting him off her and taking him to room. I get him sorted. Then when i go back to living room and see she has left. To my relief.
Going to have to speak to dp as this cant continue, is it just me or do you just not be dropping by when its bedtime?? It happens every single time. And quite honestly, once i get them to bed thats my time to chill for an hour or 2 and stick tv on. I dont get time to myself during day as am busy with dc and cleaning/washing etc.

Sorry this is really long. Feel better for that rant.

Dear God, you've got 6 week old TWINS. even without two other kids i wouldn't be putting up with this. That's my only precious free time in life! Presumably they live close enough they can come around at a more convenient time?

They are being massively inconsiderate, but have you said anything to them? Do they have DC? Sometimes people without DC don't know how important routine is. You or DP need to say that the evening visits need to stop as it's causing havoc with DC routine. My MIL and her (2nd) DH used to turn up whenever they felt like it: often after 6pm, when DS1's bedtime routine had already started. DH would be still at work: they would bang on the door 'til I answered … I would say that we're running the bath, 'well we want to see our DGS - we won't stay long' but of course they always did. DH told them, I told them, made no difference. So I just stopped answering the door. Hope you have more luck!

Often a lot of the in law rants on here are absolutely ridiculous but you are totally not being unreasonable!! No way should they be doing this. You need to politely (at first) tell them exactly what you've told us, they need to know!

Yep say no visitors after x time. My mum seemed to always ring between 7 and 8pm when I specifically told her that was bath and bed time and I wouldn’t answer the phone (but I could hear it ringing and stress me out in case it was something important as everyone knew not to call!). Somehow she seemed to think that was the best time to call, no matter how many times I told her not to!
Put your foot down.

They are very inconsiderate.
Sil doing bedtime is hugely over-stepping the mark for a start.
You are going to have to be less welcoming.
My in-laws used to turn up either mealtimes or bedtime until I once made them stand in the hall while DS finished his meal. They didn't come again at mealtimes.
I also would lock the door and tell them I was busy settling the DC after mil started trying to take over bath and bedtimes if and when she fancied.

YADNBU! You have your hands full with four children and people have to respect that. Tell them all you’re tired and need the evenings to get into a workable routine. I can’t imagine coping with one newborn and two older children let alone twins while all this is going on. Sit your husband down and tell him if he doesn’t have a talk with his family you will.

If they’re desperate to see you and the children tell them to come round much earlier and lend a hand. They shouldn’t even need told.

Jesus! You’ve got the patience of a saint, you need to get dp on board and tell his parents etc that bedtime visiting is not on! Are they a bit thick to not realise this? I’d have told them to eff off long ago

We've had literally never had evening visitors (like the kind that just drop in for a few hours and then go home). I can't imagine why anyone wants to come at the end of the day when everyone is tired and there is a million things to do. Just say no, they can come on the weekend when you have time for everyone and presumably your partner is home and no one is stressing about getting to bed, getting up for work the next day, getting the house sorted. Even when we have houseguests (on the weekends, when we have time for them), they know that at bath/bedtime they need to find something to entertain themselves for an hour because we're busy with the dc.

I love people coming at bedtime, because they usually put her to bed for me

The door is locked, partly so they cant just wander in but mostly cos when im down in their bedrooms you cant hear door being opened, you wouldnt know who would walk in unnoticed.
Sil doesnt have kids, too old now anyway lol, but she should know better. Ive no problem with them dropping by, just not after dinner time. Relieved to know its not me!! I would never dream of doing that to anyone, family or not.