to expect people to come to planned playdates!

[booberella12345678]

I'm so annoyed. At least 4/5 times over the last few weeks we have been let down by people who we were meant to meet for playdates. All have them have pulled out right at the last minute, when i text/message to check details etc, which makes me think that they wouldn't have even bothered telling me and they just found something more interesting to do than to spend time with us (me and my 6yr old dd). Its so annoying because if i have a playdate/get together/trip planned it goes in my diary and i purposely plan other events around it. If i had to cancel a playdate i would do it as soon as i can and rearrange. At least 3 mums have specially told me they want to do stuff in the holidays and when i text with potential dates i get silence -arrgghh why bl**dy say you want to do stuff then ghost me - thats ridiculous - just tell me the truth. Im fed up because my DD wants to do these meet ups and i feel i am disappointing her all the time - along with not planning other activities because i expect these playdates to take place. I really dont think my child is disliked by other kids as she is fairly calm, quiet and reserved like me, i just think people get better offers. However even some of her best friends mums have been rubbish - including pulling out of a sleepover that was planned a month in advance and another completely ghosting me about any playdates in the whole 6 weeks. I make it clear to mums that they can stay the whole playdate or leave the child - whatever they prefer or we can meet at the park or softplay if they prefer. Im a quiet person and i think i have some kind of social anxiety disorder my whole life. Something which my parents never helped me with, so i have made a herculean effort (for me) for my daughter when it comes to socialising. I am on the PTA, i talk to other mums on the playground(something i hate, but i dont think i come across as mean at just maybe boring?), i created and administered the facebook social page for the school (something which i know has been hugely helpful for others), we attend every single birthday we are invited to no matter what. I just so sad at the moment, we were stood up again today and last week at park date which i organised - where 10 mums said they would come - we were the only ones there (my DD was really sad about this), turns about 4 or 5 mums decided 30 mins before hand to go to softplay.

I have social anxiety and i'm interested in advice - how can i get more social opportunities for my child, specifically where can we meant children/parents who will actually want to do stuff after school? Im feelong pretty rejected now and I have decided with my DH we wont ask anyone eles to do anything with us for the rest of the holidays and just enjoy time together

Hi OP

Did they all just decide last minute to go to soft play and not let you know uninvite you? Did they set up a separate group chat or something? That sounds really harsh and almost bullying behaviour.

No real advice as you cant stop other people acting like twats. Is there one mum you know better that you could ask if she knows why this happens? Also it might be best if you dont mention to your daughter that she might be seeing her friends, just turn up to the park with her and if they're there it's a bonus

They texted each other and left us out. No idea why, my feeling is more that they just dont think about us as we are not in the 'clique', despite me trying. I honestly dont think i have said or done or said anything offensive/contraversal or that my child is especially naughty - we still have nursery friends we meet but they now have new school friends at different schools so are often busy. I think as we are both shy we are never really looked on as particulary fun - so often are put aside when something better comes up

Hi op, I really feel your pain. Having got one through primary school and one in the final year I've had years of this. Always made massive efforts, some kids have been over 5/6 times with no reciprocal play dates. Personally I think it's rude not to reciprocate or think to add someone to a group activity such as the soft play when they have spent the effort thinking of you. It does get easier as they get older, mine now rarely do/ want play dates as such, and my eldest now organises his own social life (although I'm still taxi driver) which is great because it's not up to flakey mcflake to think of inviting him! Don't stop making an effort just because some people are too rude to reciprocate BUT only invite if your DD has asked and genuinely wants that friend over, I think it's easy to fill their time with all this when actually she'd probably enjoy and prefer doing something just with you. Chin up this stage doesn't last forever.