To be fed up with in-laws?

[HaveIGoneMad]

Since I had my baby I've comments about my emergency c-section - that saved mine and my babies lives - implying that I took the easy way out and was lazy, eye rolls when I stated I wasn't allowed to pick up my toddler 2 weeks afterwards, being asked 'still?' When I said I was in pain 4 weeks afterwards, then there have been comments about breastfeeding, such as why am I still breastfeeding at 2 months, how my baby wants bottles!!, and asking how long I'm going to carry on. The constant barrage of comments and critism in other aspects of my parenting is really getting me down when I'm already suffering PND and I feel like I'm an awful mum who's failing her kids right now.

Arm yourself with the facts about what an amazing thing you’re doing feeding your baby! Give them it printed out if you need to and anytime they mention it say “read your sheet, we’ve covered this”

Limit contact.

Pretend you don’t hear a single word that’s negative. Really freaks people out. Just like it never happened

“Oh you were daft to have that section”

I know, it’s amazing that we were saved, so lucky.....and I never felt stronger than when I look back at what I’ve been through for this baby. DH is so proud of me

Etc.

Spin everything or answer the jibes with something totally unrelated like the time or your plans for tomorrow.

You’re awesome, keep hold of that!

My partner says to ignore and that he can't say anything because these comments are never made in front of him

That isn't at all helpful as well as being total rubbish. You have told him what has been said and he should stand up for you and not use excuses so as to back away from an uncomfortable conversation.

Tell MIL that BF is recommended for at least 6 months, but continuing into the baby's second year and alongside other foods is considered ideal. Add that you intend to follow recommended guidelines for as long as possible and that your DH fully supports your choices.

With regard to further comments about the CS, just stop what you're doing and give MIL/FIL a confused look and say "I may have not have pushed DD out of my vagina, but why do you think having your flesh, muscles and uterus cut open, and stitched up again, is an easy thing to go through? Either one of us could have died without the surgery".

Your PILs sound like twats. Have you shared your FILs texts with DH?

You don't have to see to see your in-laws. Let your partner take the children to his parents house.

I would say 'This is our baby and our choices. If you can't support us then leave. If you make these comments again you will be told to leave.'

You'll probably feel like your head is exploding the first time you say it, but it will benefit you in the long term.

You need to say something otherwise your PILs will see you as a doormat.

Forward all texts to your DP. When he comes back into the room, repeat what your fil said. There’s no reason why you have to see these idiots, send your DP with the toddler while you stay at home with the baby. You absolutely must protect yourself and your mental health during this time. Don’t look back and regret being treated like this.

Your toddler would idolise Fred West if he brought sweets every week.
Toddlers don't know what /who is good for them. Your dc does not need someone who is bad for YOU in their life... Don't be a martyr there..
Block their numbers. My ils never had my number. They sound bullies tbh.

You are not a awful Mom at all.

They are bullies and there is only one way to handle bullies by calling them out on their behaviour. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to them one on one, next time they say something wait until DH returns to the room then really loudly say “Oh MIL what were you saying about my c section/breastfeeding etc...Hubbie you need to hear this one” make sure to use that last line because they will learn that you are a team.

I had a boss like this she was horrible. One day she asked if I was pregnant so I responded super loudly so others could hear everything I said. I asked wow did you just ask if I was pregnant pretty sure you can’t ask that or are you calling me fat. She backed right off after that(and got fired for bullying couple months later)

As for the whole c section/natural birth I would just laugh at them. I had a 36 hour natural birth on my son. I ended up with 4th degree tearing and other stuff. I had to be rushed into surgery after birth and had to have two more operations within the year. I am having a c section on my second in 2 weeks time. Does not matter what way baby comes out as long as it is safely.

Take care and enjoy your little one.
Make sure Hubbie is supporting you x

these comments are never made in front of him, which makes me think they know what they are doing.

Of course they do, OP. They are deliberately undermining you.
It's very nasty, & you need to make them stop before it becomes a way of life for them, & a misery for you.

Next time they come out with another snarky remark, brace yourself & tell them that you are getting bored of their unhelpful & ill-informed commentary - but if they wish to challenge medical opinion, they are welcome to phone Mr X (name your surgeon) at the hospital, who is bound to be delighted to hear their advice.
Then GREY ROCK them on it.
Because next time, you only have to say "ring up Mr X & tell him so".
They will soon tire of a game which you are always going to win, just with that one simple phrase.
You have to demonstrate that you are strong, & that you refuse to accommodate their twattery.

Perhaps if partner is out of the room when they say these ignorant and cruel comments call out "Oh dear your mum or your dad says I took the easy way out with my emergency c-section" You most definitely don't need to tolerate their bullshit

I would have told them both to F off by now.

Not OK. Let them know.