I've built it up in my head and now it's too big

[Jackreacherismyhero]

Self sabotage warrior here.

I've been off work for a while now, about 5 weeks with depression and anxiety relating to my infertility and other shit and they've agreed to let me do a phased return for a whole week when I go back.

I'm meant to be in tomorrow morning but I'm really struggling tonight. I'm on Sertraline and I forgot to take it at the weekend because we were away and I forgot it so it's my fault but I'm now having a bit of a relapse of my mood and the side effects

This is really rambly but if you've been signed off with mental health issues how do you go back to work? I'm shitting it so I've built it up in my head to be way bigger than it is but I dont want to not go to work tomorrow but equally I dont want to put my recovery at risk by going to early.

You just go in and pick up where you left off. Just do it. Don’t wreck it for yourself.

I’m on Sertraline too (have been for years) and whenever I miss a day or two for whatever reason, I do find that I have an emotional relapse. The good news is though, that feeling is only temporary, as long as you pick back up with the pills.
Emotions-wise I find the only thing that helps when I’m feeling down is to have a cleansing cry and then try to sleep. Focusing on yoga breathing often helps me to do so.
Logically you know you’ve built it up in your head, so going back to work probably won’t impact your recovery.
I would therefore suggest that you get up and try to go to work tomorrow. Just take everything one step at a time, don’t think too far ahead and try to ease yourself back in.
And if you do feel overwhelmed at any point, you can always pull your boss aside to tell them and ask to go home or for a walk or something.
Improving your mental health is a journey, so don’t beat yourself up over any perceived “setbacks”, and remember that there are always people around to support you - sometimes you just need to ask for the help you need. Good luck!

Most people don't want to go to work. Especially after some time away. A lot of people get 'The Fear' when returning to work following a holiday or even just the weekend. These are normal feelings.

Actually I think you might be better at work. At least you are occupied and don't have the stress of being 'off sick' to add to your problems.

It is definitely better to face going to work than not.

I’m going to say the opposite here in that maybe you are not ready to go back to work - the only thing you can do is see how you feel in the morning.

did you have time off sick before this 5 week period - either for physical or mental health reasons - building up to needing this time off?

I ask because I was signed off work for over a year - admittedly some of my issues were work related - but it progressed from odd sick days here and there to being off for a week followed by a couple of weeks. I went back in but it was too early for me which then resulted in much longer absence from work.

Have you been having counselling to talk through what’s bothering you?

Good luck if you decide to go in - if you still feel unable to don’t worry about this either - MH is such a difficult thing to gage x