To ask how to stop bf my 17mo

[cadburyegg]

I managed to stop bf DS1 by 15 months and it wasn’t particularly difficult but at 17mo DS2 is still feeding. I wouldn’t mind if it was just morning and evening but the constant demands of bf during the day and at night too are really wearing. He has had 2 night feeds already tonight. I am constantly exhausted.

I have no idea how to stop though. When I am at work he is totally fine but i don’t know what feeds to cut out first because he seems dependent on all of them!

He also seems to be constantly teething which doesn’t help! I am also concerned about him waking DS1 , who starts school next month (they share a bedroom)
Please help a sleep deprived mummy!

I’ll start by saying I have no actual experience of this because I only have a 13 month old and I’m still feeding morning and night and occasionally more than that - but for what it’s worth...
I’d cut out the feeds that are bothering you the most, first. So, if it’s the night feeds then stop those. When I first night weaned my baby I tried just not feeding cold turkey and it was awful - he cried and cried until I caved. So I tried a gradual weaning technique and it was magic - almost no crying. I cut down each feed by 30 seconds every night until in the end I was feeding for 30 seconds only and then not at all, just cuddling and rocking. After I did that we’ve been back and forth a few times when I’ve fed him in the night again for various reasons (illness, away from home etc.), and I’ve found the best thing when stopping again is to just not feed at all rather than gradually wean again, but that first time it made it so much less stressful. Saying that, at 17 months your baby will understand if you explain it. So, when you’re feeding before bed you could try saying ‘we’re having lots of lovely milk now, and then no more milk until the morning - if you wake up in the night mummy will come and give you a cuddle but we don’t have milk in the night’ and then reinforce that when he wakes - comfort him while saying ‘it’s sleepy time now, not time for milk’ etc.
Once that’s settled and you’re not doing the night feeds any more (and it might mean less sleep for a while as comforting without feeding night take longer, but hopefully he’ll cotton on that he’s not going to get milk in the night and stop waking for it) - you could tackle the daytime feeds. I’ve heard people saying they’ve had success with establishing a series of ever tightening ‘rules’ to cut back. So, stop feeding when you’re out by saying ‘we only have milk at home’ and distract him, then ‘we only have milk in the rocking chair’ (or whatever you feed in in the nursery) - or you could just do ‘it’s lunchtime, we don’t need milk at lunchtime - we have a nice sandwich’ etc. when my baby wants a feed in the day I try offering water/a rice cake because he cant talk yet so sometimes it’s just that he’s hungry and I guess it’s easier for him to show me he wants milk than try to ask for water. I hope this makes sense - and obviously take my advice with a punch of salt because you’re ahead of me in this journey and what works for me might not work for you - but just wanted to say one thing stood out from your post. You said DS seems reliant on all the feeds. He’s not. You could stop cold turkey and nutritionally he’d be fine. If you were out for the day, he’d be fine. He might cry for a feed but if you do it gradually and comfort and distract him from wanting it then hopefully it won’t be too much of a wrench but please don’t feel guilty because he’s reliant on a feed because he’ll be totally fine without it.
Oh - and well bloody fine for making it to 17 months. You’re amazing!

I have been trying to stop feeding my 2 year old for a while
The day feeds were easy to cut out, just offer an alternative food e.g a pouch of baby food.
The morning feed is easy to cut out just get up before them and offer breakfast instead.
The bedtime feed and 2am feed are proving more tricky. I offer savoury baby food in a pouch before I feed which is reducing the lengths of feeds. I haven’t gone cold turkey on night feeds as ds has minor feeding issues and I don’t want him losing weight. Could you offer warm milk in a sippy cup in the night (I can’t because of cmpa)
Don’t go cold turkey and risk mastitis.
I just dropped a feed a week and now we are left with two feeds that I’m happy to carry on with until he’s had an operation in the autumn.

Have just stopped feeding my 18mo. She was on night and morning feeds during the week and the odd weekend feed to get her to nap. Gradually cut out the morning feed. Then I got DP to put her to bed without a feed once a week. We built this up so that she knows that if DP is putting her to bed there is no chance of milk. With me she would just scream till I caved in and fed her.Last week DP put her to bed every night. After that, I put her to bed using his routine and she was fine.

When I was where you are I night weaned and meant I went on to bf for nearly another year. It was the night feeds that were killing me. I read lots of a book called Nursies When The Sun Shines with her, got her used to the idea that the boobies go to sleep after she goes to sleep - so still did bedtime feed but then subsequent wake ups she got a cuddle and a few lines from the book. She started saying them to me after a bit! And the night wakings decreased sharply after a couple of weeks as she got used to it. Sometimes we fell off the wagon if she was ill or when my breasts got too full and needed clearing to avoid mastitis, but eventually we got there. I thought when I was night weaning it was phase one of weaning for good, but I found it made a huge difference to how I felt about feeding and we carried on. I day weaned eventually so we were down to morning feed and bedtime feed (on my nights, dad and I alternate bedtime) then dropped the bed time feed much later (that was a doozy, she was NOT happy ) and finally a while later the morning feed. And done! Relatively little upset all round.

Having said that as per my username two months on I am still suffering from severe low mood that came on as I weaned - hormonal crash apparently. Doesn't happen to all women but with watching out for, if you start feeling like utter shit and like the world is broken, it may not be what it seems!

Stopped 17 month old last week

•rock to sleep the first few nights with no breastmilk- was fine as used to it at nursery.
•refused any pulling at my top. Distracted with toys, food
•kept this up for a while and seemed to have forgotten mostly and no longer expects milk to sleep. Now she can sleep by herself if she's tired as isn't waiting for it
•now have began to introduce cows milk when she's thirsty and in cereal

Best thing is do not give in to milk demands because they'll get used to it again. Stick to whatever you do

With DS1 I'd been told that they only want feeding during that night as a comfort thing at that age, so I started offering a bottle with water just in case he'd woken up thirsty. He soon realised that it wasn't worth waking up for and started sleeping better. If he did wake in the night then it was relatively easy to cuddle him back to sleep.
DS2, however, is a completely different story! I'm still feeding him now - he's 17 months. We did night wean ages ago, which involves me bribing DH to have him overnight for a few nights so he didn't smell me and want milk. DH offered water and then also let him cry a bit. It worked for a while, but when he wakes in the night and I go to him, he screams until I give in 🙄
I'm still feeding him morning and night, and during the day when I can't get him cows milk. I'd like to stop soon but am at a loss too.
Maybe get DH to have him in the night for a few nights and see if that helps?

@runoutofgas

Why do you have to bribe your DH to look after his own son for a few nights???

Sorry if just lighthearted and I missed it but it makes me mad the way some men (Inc my partner tbh) reckon that breastfeeding = mother's job to do all nighttime parenting. But my DP wanted me to wean DD so he bloody well had to play his part in helping me do it! Left to myself we'd have been bedsharing and probably still breastfeeding through the night if I'm honest...

I’m in the process of weaning my 2.5 year old. Over the past few months we’ve gone from non stop bf all day and night down to 2 feeds a day-one when he wakes up and one before bed (although he still asks in the day he knows he can’t have any!).

I started with night feeds, and actually had to sleep in a different room to him (we used to co sleep). My DH told him I was sleeping at my parents.

Once he stopped waking up at night I told him no milk in the day and stuck to it. He was upset at first but has got used to it.

I think what worked was cutting down gradually over months and sticking to it. It is tough when they are older!!! I stopped a lot earlier with my others and it was easy!

Overnight we introduced a gro clock and said no mummy milk at night. We would offer a cup of milk - my husband did it to start with to make it easier. She protested a lot bit eventually took the cup. Then we gradually watered down the milk over the course of a few weeks until it was just water and then eventually she stopped waking for it. I think she was about 18 months.
But she was already happy with cups of milk during the day so it might be tricky if he isn't used to having a sippy cup.