To be furious that friends know that I've had a m/c when some didn't even know I was pregnant?

[Katie3677]

Have just found out that the two friends who knew that I was pregnant have been told by another friend (who I hadn't told I was pregnant) that I had a miscarriage. They were told on Tuesday and I only had the m/c on Monday for f*s sake. I have no idea how she knew, but am furious that she took it upon herself to tell everyone by text. The worst thing is that it is her wedding tomorrow so I can't ruin her day by saying anything, but I also know that she will have told a load of other people who I haven't seen for years, and I really don't want people to be looking at me and feeling sorry for me tomorrow.
So , just when I was beginning to get over it myself. Grrrrr!

Hi Katie

Maybe she thought it would be helpful if your friends knew, so they could be more supportive and not put their foot in it. Im sure she would not have told anyone just to upset you and properly did what she thought was best. Please dont be mad at her, friends find it hard to know what to do and say for the best after somehting like this.

Hope your ok hugs

Lisa

Oh its a tough time for you. Im sorry for your loss.

I'm sure your friend meant well by telling people. Try not to let it get to you.

Katie, so sorry about your miscarriage, very sad time for you. Have had a MC myself so know it's tough. I think perhaps your friend was trying to spare you the pain of telling people yourself. I'm sure it was a (perhaps clumsy) act of kindness. Sorry if this sounds tactless, but have been there so know it's true, your hormones are probably still raging a bit and of course you're probably very emotional... If you can, try to put this to one side for the wedding day, leave it a couple of weeks and then reconsider whether you need to take it up with your friend.

YANBU I would be furious, but rise above it and act with the manners that she hasnt been taught. And by text as well cheeky cow.

I take your point, but what is really scary is how she knew, only one day later. Only one other person knew at that stage and they don't even know each other. This town is too small, time for me to move I think!

Katie - I can understand how you are feeling as I felt the same when I had my m/c and people found out before I had chance to tell them.

But I do agree, I am sure she had your best interests at heart and wasn't just spreading 'gossip'.

Hope you are being kind to yourself xxxxx

Calordan, agree texting seems a bit off for news like this, but the friend is about to get married, will have a million and one other things to do.
Katie: I must admit, I'd be intrigued to know how she knew. But vent your spleen at MN not your pal, let her enjoy her wedding and sort it out afterwards. Take care, it will take a while to get over this but lots of people out here to listen to you.

Ok, so if she has a million and one things to do for her wedding then why the hell has she taken it upon herself to tell everyone MY news. She didn't even have the decency to call or text me. And I know that she will have told a load of people that really don't need to know. I just feel that a real friend doesn't behave like that. Sorry, but you did tell me to vent my spleen at MN!

Katie - sorry, I kinda read it wrong. So YOU hadn't told her???? In which case that is shite and no, I wouldn't be happy.

I hadn't even told her that i was pregnant, she's not that close a friend

completely agree, prob not her fault that she found out but she should have def spoken to you and if she is so bloody busy with her wedding she shouldnt be off chit chatting(unless you asked her to)which you didnt, unwritten rules.

Thanks, feel better now. now I just have to stop myself from getting too drunk at her wedding tomorrow and smacking her one!

glad you feel better, let us know how it goes tomorrow and shout away when you get back if you need to!

Pray for hail, a slurringly drunk vicar, and a best man who gives a three-hour speech detailing the time the groom got locked in the Sex Museum in Amsterdam overnight because he was so absorbed by the exhibits.

Karma comes back and bites her on the arse!

You're not being unreasonable - it wasn't her position to say anything at all, and I can completely understand why you are hurt and angry.

On a more practical note, I would just say to anyone who has heard the news through her "Ah. Riiiigght. I was hoping this wouldn't come up. We had been hoping to tell people ourselves when we felt up to it, and if you could possibly keep it under your hat for the moment we'd be so grateful" That way everyone will know that the friend was being a gossipy cow.

Sorry, I'm going to disagree with the people who said the friend was just trying to help. Text messages are for gossip, not the conveyance of sad news.

How was the wedding Katie and how did you handle it? Hope you're ok.

The wedding was lovely and I did manage to refrain from smacking the bride, despite getting quite drunk! I did however find out how the bride knew, and am now even more angry. Her sister in law uses the same childminder as me, and the childminder took it upon herself to tell the sil. The sil then took it upon herself to tell the bride, who texted everyone she knew! Needless to say that I am not very happy with any of them. However, I have decided that it is over now, everybody knows and there is nothing I can do about it. I did have a quiet word with the sil at the wedding and will do the same with the childminder and the bride when the time is right. Thanks for all your support.

How dare your childminder share that sort of private info! Furious on your behalf.

Think you have the right attitude though - well done you and glad you had a lovely time at the wedding