Or is he texting too much? Clingy?

[phatsandfatter]

I'm dating a guy,not official just dating.
He texts a lot.
Tonight I went out at 4pmwith a friend for drinks.
He text at 5pm then sent me a Snapchat.
Then text at 6.30pm I replied and told him that I hoped he had a good night (to end the convo)
Then he text at 8 pm then another Snapchat at 10pm
I feel suffocated
Is this clingy ?
Or aibu

When you read this and then consider the many threads complaining that they 'never get replies to texts' or 'he never texts first' you begin to understand the real meaning of the "You can please some of the people some of the time.." etc

OP he would be too intense for me but I do appreciate that he is trying to do the right thing and many would be flattered and pleased by his attention.

That would be too much for me and I'd had to end it. I'm not a texter and neither is DH. I would find this way too suffocating as my xbf would do this to me. Constant texts and phone calls throughout the day. He started to get annoyed with me if I didn't text back straight away or answer my phone.
If you're keen to carry on with the relationship then maybe you shouldn't keep responding to him every time he texts you and see if he calms down.

I got annoyed with my partner at the start of our relationship as he was a very clingy persistent texter! I told him to tone it down a bit and then a bit later when we’d fallen in love we both texted non stop anyways. Nowadays he’s a perfectly reasonable communicator, he’d never bother me if I was on a night out or anything. So it might be worth looking past! Just keep an eye out for if he’s especially bad when he knows you’re out with other people- could indicate a controlling/jealous streak.

Horses for courses.

I’m a texter/whatsapper and wouldn’t find that too much at all. But it depends on the content of the texts - if it’s “where are you, what are you doing, why aren’t you replying to me” stuff then ugh. If it’s mindless chit chat or funny little things then I don’t mind it at all.

I’d been OLD for a while and liked messaging - it can be an indicator of how keen someone is. But then it’s all about context and content!

When I got back into the dating scene I was utterly shocked about how much texting there is.

It bears absolutely no resemblance to how my exDH and I texted, not the conversations I have with my friends.

One man could text me 100 times a day, and was a regional director of a huge company, so fucking busy at work too.

I have learnt to lean into it a bit.

Me and dh were texting constantly and speaking to each other before we had even met. I remember when he first phoned me I was so nervous but I loved his voice on the phone.

We still constantly text now after several years of being together, most the time about mundane stuff like what's for dinner but even when we go out we text and if the other doesn't reply we know its cause they are busy and dont get the hump.

If you dont like it either dont reply and see how he reacts (either by not bothering or texting insanely worried if you are ok, ignoring him etc) if its the latter then yes that is needy and I wouldn't like it.

Or when you next see him tell him you are not a big texter and prefer face to face convo.

If you are compatible and like each other enough you will find a happy medium

This is where Mumsnet shows age differences, I think. I'm in my late 20s and think this is a normal or even low amount for someone you've just met/like, and my own experience (past people I've been dating, my friends' experiences, people they've dated, anecdotal evidence from people my age etc on Twitter) shows that that's pretty much the norm for my age group and the people I know. I've been in a relationship for 6 years and we still text more than this throughout the day - as I do with my two closest friends in our group chat, my sister, etc.

But my mum, who's in her early 50s, takes 5-6 hours to reply to one text - if not a day. And she has said similar about how often people text when dating.

@honeyloops I think you’re generally right, I think I’m the exception to the rule! I’m late 40s and I text A LOT 😁

My boyfriend and I (we met OLD) message on and off all day. We’ve racked up thousands of messages in the last few months. My friends and I predominantly message via text rather than calling, it’s easier as we’re all busy so can read and reply when it’s convenient.

What sort of things is he texting about? And did he know you were out with a friend when he sent you the texts you mention?

I wouldn't mind being texted if there was a reason - when I first met my DP he would text me in the evenings sometimes if he knew I was watching the same TV programme as him and wanted to talk about it or something, and that was nice. Or if there was something he'd seen/heard that he knew would make me laugh. But it would drive me mad if I just got texts saying things like 'Hi xxx' or 'How r u 2day?' or whatever. I have friends who are dating and I'm kind of horrified that the expectation seems to be that they'll have long conversations by text that essentially go:

What you up to xxx
Not much just chilling, you? xxx
Not much lol been at work all day so just chilling as well. Going to gym later xxx
[pause]
Just going to gym now xx
OK, enjoy xxx
Back from gym, just having dinner xxx

And this will go on for bloody hours. It would drive me insane.

Yep same @Sidge - we talk utter shite all day long. Sending each other links to articles, stupid pictures, 'what we having for tea?', stuff that happened at work blah blah blah. And the same with my friends - our whatsapp group can rack up a LOT of messages in an evening!

Obviously if we're busy at work or doing something else, we don't reply, but it's nice having that constantly open channel of communication instead of occasionally having a few messages in a thread and then that's it, makes us feel more connected (especially as our friendship group lives hours apart from each other).

I do agree it may have an age element though I have known some middle age folk msg as much as teens.

Did the messaging increase when he knew you were going out with friends. Because to me that does show insecurity.

AlexaAmbidextra
This would drive me mad and I’d be telling him so. Thank God I’m so old that I was dating before mobiles were invented. I couldn’t have put up with this having to be constantly in touch bollocks.

I'm even older and agree and would find this really ridiculous. The last time I charged my mobile there was a text from a month ago. Friends know not to expect a reply to a text by me any time soon.

Just to add to this - people seem to fall into two camps:

1. Texts back and forth like a conversation - one or two words or sentences at a time, flows quite naturally

1. Hello! How are you? We haven't spoken for a bit so here's update one about my life. Here's another thing and a question about what you've been up to? We should meet up for a coffee soon. There will be one or two more messages after this and then we won't speak for a few days/weeks depending on who you are. Xxx

The second reminds me of emails or letters or when you had to pay 10p per text so you crammed lots of info into one message. Or even a phone call, where you get everything out in one go and then don't speak for a while.

The former is how messaging apps are set up now - even down to the ease of being able to just press Enter to send, it's designed to make things flow more naturally and be more 'always on'. Some people don't like this, of course, but I think that's why younger people are more likely to message like this (although not only younger people!) - we've grown up with the idea of being permanently connected in a way that older people haven't. I'm old enough to remember dial up and emailing, but my internet years also begun with the idea of Lycos chat rooms and the beginnings of MSN.

Yes, I I agree. Hundreds of texts don't consist of paragraphs of news. They are snippets and responses. It's shocking when you count them up but take milliseconds to write

Everyone is different I guess. I take lots of texting as a solid sign they are interested personally and would be upset by someone barely contacting me.

My latest paramour who is, admittedly, an old friend, and I just had a quick WhatsApp convo over 15 minutes. Because of this thread, I counted them, it was 50 discrete messages.

I love a quick phone call but hate texts, unless they’re specifically with arrangements for meeting up/ lists for shopping/ directions etc I cannot abide being texted for chitchat!!! He would do my head in!!!

It depends, me and DH are like this and always have been but others don't want to chat as much. I would just say you have things going on so won't be able to text as much. If he doesn't listen then clearly he isn't right for you