To drink wine and cry in the bath?

[magpiecounter]

So after a week of positive HPT we finally thought our years of infertility were over and our IVF/ICSI had worked. It was an amazing dream come true. However that line didn't get darker it just disappeared and today the clinic have said they are sorry but it was a biochemical pregnancy and the little bean didn't make it.

So now I wait. I wait for the pain and the bleeding. I should be being there for my family and my husband but all I want to do is sit in the bath and drink wine because what's the point in being good anymore?

I cried in the bath at the wedding at the end of Gurren Lagann.

You poor thing, take it easy and spend some time looking after yourself. Sending big hugs xxx

@mbosnz it's just I know all about dealing with grief and dealing with hardship and all the techniques. I've been through so many therapy sessions and so much on the job experience. But it's all shit. I want to just advise people to scream aloud and hate the world and scream some more. Not to write down their feelings and how that can be looked at. Now know the stages of grief and how each one is normal. None of this is normal. It's inhumane torture. My tutor today said "this is a good thing for you. It's valuable experience for you" in no way is this a good thing.

In the words of my friend - "It's not just shit - it's shit, shit, shit!". Be kind to yourself and just concentrate on getting through the next couple of days I had a miscarriage years ago and I never believed that I would get pregnant again but I did - dreams do come true. Ps Your husband is a star 👍.

I've been through a shitload of therapy.

With the same therapist that needed therapy as a result.

I'm not a therapist - but there is nothing similar between being the patient, and being the doctor, from what I understand.

Let yourself be the patient. Don't try to credit it to the doctor's account.

Just be.

It sucks.

Thank you everyone xxx

It's shit. I had successful ICSI but subsequent rounds to hopefully produce a sibling have failed. I know I'm lucky to have one but I was at a family event today and a relative my age had her three boys with her and rather than focus on the event all I could think bitterly was, ''alright for you falling pregnant three times with no difficulty wasn't it?

Feel the anger and the bitterness, it's completely natural and give yourself time to heal and think before deciding what to do next

Again I thank you all for your kind words. MN can be a harsh world but it's good to know that in times of need people band together and support. My DH came upstairs to tell me all the crazy things in our life that are ridiculous, all the stupid adventures we have had, how much we love each other and how much of a crazy family we are. He said we will share those stories with a child and make them laugh. We will embarrass our children and make them roll their eyes and wish we were a million miles away because that's what kids do and we will love them for thinking or saying that.

Despite the bad times we have each other to hold and we all will still be alive and keep going i the morning, and the next morning, and the next.

Rationally I know it'll get easier. I just want to be self indulgent and few sorry for the children I never got to name.

🥂 for each of you and thank you for being here for me tonight xx