AIBU to be pissed off at DH's managers?

[KitKat1985]

DH injured his back about 2 months ago (this in the context of previous back surgery 4 years ago). He was signed off sick as he was on a lot of morphine etc. He doesn't like being signed off sick, and he tried going back to work about a month ago but his work told him after a few days that he clearly wasn't ready yet (he was still on morphine) and pretty much told him to leave and to get signed off for another couple of weeks and see occupational health, and then come back once he was in less pain and not needing morphine. He wasn't very happy about this as he wanted to be back at work, but his workplace insisted. Things have slowly gotten better and he's been able to reduce his pain relief a bit, and he went back on phased return again last week, although he's still struggling at times.

This morning when he was at work a colleague told DH that some of his managers are pissed off that whilst DH was off sick (after they told him to get signed off for another 2 weeks) there are photos of him going out with me and the kids on Facebook. The thing is I have done pretty much everything the past few weeks, but occasionally DH came out with out us to get out of the house for a bit, and basically spent the whole time sitting (as it was all he could manage). I did all the driving on all the occasions we went out and all the running around after the kids, as he was still on morphine and not able to manage much, but he was going stir crazy in the house and getting really depressed stuck in the house, so I thought it might be nice to come out with us and have a change of scenery.

The 'offending' photos from what I can gather on my Facebook page are:

There's 1 photo of him sitting eating lunch with me on my birthday.
1 photo of him sitting on a bench.
1 photo of him sitting in a chair at the beach.

Now I can understand them being pissed off if there were photos of him doing anything physical whilst he was off sick for obvious reasons, but there are only photos of him sitting down out of the house, and was he really never supposed to go out or sit anywhere other than in the house when he was signed off for 2 months? And to add salt to the wound he told them he wanted to be back at work, but it was them that told him to get signed off for another couple of weeks, so it was their decision for him not to be at work anyway, not his!

I'm now worried that his work are going to accuse him of malingering or taking the piss, but I really don't think sitting in a chair out of the house on a few occasions in any way shows this.

I guess I'm pretty pissed off as the past couple of months have been horrendous at times (he's been in A&E on IV morphine and everything at one point, and I've had to help him get dressed etc on occasion), not to mention do everything for the kids whilst working full-time, so the suggestion that we've just been taking the piss and we've just been using his sick leave as an excuse to go out on jollies has really grated on both of us, but was he really just supposed to sit in the house for 2 months? I can't help but feel that if he had been signed off with a broken leg for 2 months or similar no-one would bat an eyelid at photos of him sitting out of the house on occasion, but somehow because it's a back issue it's automatically assumed that he's trying it on (even though they know he's had back surgery etc in the past).

And yes I've learnt my lesson and no more photos of DH on Facebook, but I genuinely didn't think either us or him were doing anything wrong.

AIBU to be pissed off at DH's managers?

If you want to be annoyed with anyone, be annoyed with the colleague who felt the need to pass this information on.

IME, the kind of people who enjoy sharing things like this have almost always embellished the story.

I think the colleague was passing it on as sort of a warning to DH that certain managers are obviously monitoring his Facebook page and were a bit pissed off by some of the content, so he might want to be careful what is on his Facebook wall for a while.

I was actually also wondering if the issue was more from the colleague who mentioned it.

There have been threads on here of nasty, small minded people bitching about ill colleagues daring to leave the house. Some people are dicks. Unless a manager has actually said something I would try not to dwell on it too much.

Of course it's an important part of someone's recovery to be engaging in low level activity and gradually increasing what they do. Just because you're fit to be driven on an outing that involves sitting down in a new location does not mean you are fit to be at work.

The kinds of idiots who complain about it lack the intelligence to follow that through and consider that the short outing may require the rest of the day to be spent recovering and therefore of course they are not fit for work.

Generally, anybody with a modicum of intelligence understands that, but sometimes jealousy clouds judgement or reading too much of certain nasty tabloids or simply lacking in empathy. People who've never been through anything difficult like this can thoroughly fail to grasp what it's like recovering from something major and fail to comprehend that it's slow and gradual, not a black and white case of waking up one day 'better' having previously been bed bound.

I'm sorry this has happened when you've all been going through such a tough time. Has your husband been seen by occupational health yet?

Is his job sitting down or needing to be physically activr? If sitting down, and he made a point of being in a lot of pain on the day he went by, but then they get to see 3 pictures of him smiling happily sitting down out, I could say how they would not disbelieve him, but question how truthful he was on the day thry told him to take more time off.

If his job is physical, then that's another matter.

This is why you
(a) have a locked down profile
(b) NEVER have work colleagues on your social media

yes, that's crap. Clearly they think he should be flat on his back in a darkened room 24/7.

However, time to sort out his FB.

His job is quite sedentary (but does involve a lot of driving) but their main concern when he went after the first lot of leave was that he was clearly really 'dopey' on the morphine and had made quite a few mistakes in his first few days back on his first lot of phased return, so they told him to take more time off. He was still on morphine when we went out.

Well, he'll know them better than I do but my guess is they were stirring.
If the managers had the good sense to send him home when he was claiming to be fit but wasn't they'll also know that lunch with his family is perfectly reasonable.

I would take it up with my manager if I was your husband, his work colleague maybe stirring it a bit. If not, I'd remind the management that I was off at their insistence and had wanted to continue working. I'd also mention that doctors normally suggest that some light activity is recommended now for sore backs, to stop the back from getting stiff, rather than lying around doing nothing.

How likely is it that they were stalking his FB Vs some grassing him up?
With respect you only have this colleague's word for it. Maybe they are the resentful one and was making a dig. Who knows. I do think it's a bit of a case of "live and learn" but in this day and age I would be very careful what you put on FB while he is signed off and I would also make sure your page is completely locked down - which if you're posting pics of your kids it's wise to do anyway.
Ultimately if a medical professional has signed him off then he's not fit to be in work and that's that, but it's not worth the hassle. Either make everything very private or just don't post pics of him for a bit.

If work told him that he wasn't fit to return - and he's been signed off by OH, then I don't see the issue...I can understand to a point why pics of him having fun instead of being at work would get to some people, but unless there's pics of him bungee jumping, running a marathon or getting stuck in at soft play then I don't see the issue. Agree with others though that holding off on the pics/tags probably makes sense!

Highly likely just a colleague stirring

Managers would know that being on morphine is reason to be off sick, but not a reason to be inside your house 24/7

If they actually had a problem with it, it would have been raised on his return. Can he speak to them? HR would likely be horrified someone was saying this...

Sour grapes from an ill-informed colleague who has no idea what your DH has been through I think

This is why I don't have many work people on my Facebook.

The few that I do have are all restricted and see nothing.

If his work has declared him not fit to work they seriously cannot expect him to sit in the house the whole time.

His colleague should not have told him, whether or not his intentions were honourable,

If his managers have any issue they should bring up with your husband, however if is obvious he's not running a marathon or on fairground rides and is sitting then there is no case to answer

His colleague should not have told him, whether or not his intentions were honourable,

I agree with this also. Your DH is supposed to be recuperating and doesn't need to be bothered by work gossip - which is what this is really tantamount to.

I've learnt my lessons and there won't be any Facebook tags for a bit.

I'm not going to remove the pictures though or start blocking pictures because I think it'll look then like we're trying to hide something, and I don't believe we've done anything wrong.

I'd be doing a 'look at the cocktail of pills' and 'poor love flaked out in pain on the sofa' posts to compliment

I had a similar situation with my DH. On the medication he was slowly able to move but certainly wasn't fit to drive or make any decisions. He wasn't himself until completely weaned off the medication. He ended up off for 4/5 weeks in the end and I know he was desperate to get back. He was really worried about going out in case anyone saw him but I felt it was important not to sit in the house for the whole time. He wasn't able to do much but I guess if anyone had seen him sitting at a cafe with us or whatever, they may have felt he was fine. (They would have missed the shuffling walk and babbling.)
As his manager hasn't said anything I wouldn't be too concerned. Sounds more like someone stirring. If I'd heard my manager say anything like that I would have pointed out that sitting on a bench for a couple of hours is hardly comparable to working! The 'friend' should have stuck up for him.

@KitKat1985

When you're off on sick leave, posting pics of yourself having a good time, sitting on a beach, socialising etc is just asking for trouble.

My DH was off for 2 weeks earlier in the year after having a small physical procedure. I drove us to the beach (30 miles away,) around 4-5 days after he had it done. He was OK in himself 4 or 5 days after, but couldn't drive. We also went for a pub lunch one day...

I took some photos, (of us at the beach one day, AND and at the pub lunch, the next) and when we got in, he went to put them on facebook. I said 'are you mad?' 'why?' he said. I said 'putting pics of you at the beach AND at a pub lunch while you're off sick? REALLY?' He said 'I am allowed out before 7pm.' I said 'Yeah, to pop to the chemist, or to get some milk or bread, but not to go to the beach or the bloody pub.'

He just didn't get it at ALL. Fortunately, he did actually listen, and didn't put the pics on. He put them on a few weeks later and made out we had been a few days before.

Why would you put these photos on social media? Another reason I hate social media!

Did your dh know you were posting pics of him?

ZeeZee I get where you are coming from but there has to be some common sense. If someone is signed off for a couple of weeks or more, it's not realistic to expect someone to spend every waking second in the house, and I think them going out is fine provided they are not pictured doing some highly physical activity or similar that would be completely incongruent with the reason they were off sick.

Inbox - The photos were mostly of the kids. DH just happened to be in some as he occasionally tagged along and sat and watched the kids play when we went out. I didn't purposefully tag him, but Facebook seems to do it automatically if it recognises the person.

I understand how hard it is. I was injured and turned up at work full of painkillers and while i could move around i was in no state to work. Facebook woulf have made it look like i was fine when in reality i was off with the fairies.