To think ghosting is despicable

[madcatladyforever]

What the title says, I think ghosting is despicable and cowardly.
If you've got a problem with me just say so and say you'd rather not continue talking to me any more and at least communicate in some way about it even if short and to the point.
Ex husband always very poor at communication/zero communication skills, did the dirty on me, left and divorced me.
Ok fine, so I got over it and decided that it would be a shame to waste 20 years of marriage and decided I'd stay friendly even though I was incredibly pissed off with him.
He'd often come over for a chat and a cup of tea then suddenly I was ghosted out of the blue - no reason given.
All phone numbers, emails blocked.
This was months ago, now I hear from a friend he wants to get back in touch.
However, I despise ghosting so much I've decided I will not see or speak to him again.
AIBU here?

You're not being unreasonable not giving him a second chance, but "ghosting" someone is sometimes the right thing to do for some people.

YANBU. I'd do a reciprocal block of all his email addresses and phone numbers. He's probably lonely and sees you as convenient company, until the next time you've served your purpose and he ghosts you again. Unless you have an actual reason to communicate with him (eg children together) block and ignore and don't waste your time thinking about him. Better best forgotten.

Depends on the circumstances, the problem with some people is that they are dreadful at confrontation and rather go into ghosting mode rather than be asserive. I am terrible at being assertive or with confrontation myself so can relate even when the other party is totally nasty to me.

YANBU I was discussing this with DH at the weekend actually. I think its exceptionally cruel.
In many ways a big argument and being told what you've done is far easier to deal with. When someone treats you like you're not even worthy of an explanation it is so hurtful.

Ok fine, so I got over it and decided that it would be a shame to waste 20 years of marriage and decided I'd stay friendly even though I was incredibly pissed off with him.

Er, why? Surely a clean break is better when there are negative feelings involved? Which I gather is what you’ve decided now. I’d stick to that. He sounds like he’s messing you about.

Ghosting can be appropriate in some circumstances.

I think ghosting is disgusting. If someone has upset you to that degree at least stand up and tell them why. It also seems to me that most of the people who have been ghosted have no idea what they have actually done. It all literally comes out of the blue. That could be that they are totally selfish and unable to see how their behaviour affects others, or it could be that the ghoster (is that a word??) Likes the drama that comes with this.

I wonder if he briefly met someone who didn’t like that you were still in touch and demanded he cut you off. Now it’s over, he’s happy to resume? Not that this excuses any of that, just a thought.

Depends why he 'ghosted', if it was because of his own MH issues and he needed time to heal, then thats his prerogative.

Do you have children? Becuase your going to be that mother at the wedding if you dont get over yourself.

I agree ghosting is cowardly.

Well doesn’t look like yabu
Perhaps he’s blocked you because of a new gf

Aside from that, ghosting sometimes is acceptable. I’ve ghosted someone who repeatedly took advantage of me in every way. Used me as free childcare (2 hours turns into 5 or 6 with food therefore needed), to “borrow” a few £ here and there (steal money essentially), “borrow” kids’ clothes (that still fitted my kids) from me (ditto stolen), follow me everywhere I went, use me in any way she wanted. I didn’t owe her an explanation. She abused me and I owed her absolutely nothing.

Luckily no kids but we both belong to a very small religious community which means avoiding each other is impossible.
I no longer liked him after he divorced me as he treated me so badly but felt it would be in everyone's interest not to be that angry ex wife but to be civil and pleasant if we ran into each other and swallow my pride and be nice.
There is such an event coming up and I think it's going to be awful now.
I agree Chunkers I suspect a woman is involved in this.

Completely agree with you. People should grow some balls and tell a person if they don't want to see them anymore.

That being said I did this and the friend didn't appreciate it but acted like I was horrible for not wanting to see them again. We saw each other at the most twice a year anyway?! Sometime you can't win but ignoring someone is horrible.

Sometimes ghosting really is the best.

Why you want to be friendly with someone that “did the dirty” on you amazes me anyway. Fine if you have dc you have to remain civil but you don’t. If the 20 years togther meant anything to him then he wouldn’t of done the dirty would he 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just forget him...

Ghosting often is a very sensible and preferable option, especially when you deal with unreasonable people who do not pick up on obvious social cues. Sometimes, you need to free yourself from drama and stress, which includes unnecessary confrontations. People are not owed an explanation or official announcement to an end of a relationship/friendship per se. I have ghosted a few people and feel no guilt whatsoever. I am not prepared for endless debates with an ex after I made it clear there was no future for us. In their minds, I ghosted them without any explanation. Ditto for some emotional vampires that would be so consumed with their own neediness, they would not ever show any interest in my life or acknowledge that I have a lot of stuff going on. They would think nothing of calling me while seriously ill, caring for a dying parent or after their death and waffle on about their petty shit. I don’t owe them any explanation for such spectacularly selfish and insensitive behaviour. Ghosting in some cases does not occur out of the blue or is a mystery, it’s just that the person who has been ghosted tends to take no personal responsibility for what led up to that final action.

I've had enough casual partners go batshit-crazy on me when I decide to break things off to see why ghosting is a thing.

I've been ghosted before a few times, and I try not to let it get to me - it just means they didn't want to have that conversation, perhaps because they've had bad experiences breaking things off properly in the past.

Ghosted two ex friends, one I had been there for through break ups and house moves however when I went through a hard time she was no where to be seen. Every time she contacted it was about her so I gradually faded out the contact. The other was very good friends till I had a child, she just became too much, turned up the day after I got back from hospital uninvited at 8am I was in bed, wouldn't take a hint to leave, kept turning up, didn't want me to breastfeed around her husband, wanted me to allow her children to hold newborn baby unassisted (they were under 6) wanted to comment on everything I did and was doing wrong, it was suffocating, again I just slowly edged away.
I could have called them out, say I wanted nothing more to do with them and listed all the bad feeling but what would it achieved really other than a lot of bad feeling. I hope they just think we parted ways and grew apart because although it wasn't a friendship that worked anymore we did have good times previously.