Almost estranged relatives guilt tripping me for not being close

[perrieryay]

My paternal grandmother is very difficult. She constantly picks fights and makes up ridiculous lies. As such, I've never been close to her as my dad is genuinely scared of her. Growing up we saw (and that side of the family) twice a year and every time there would always be a massive blowup. The other day I got a call from my step-grandfather basically having a go at me for not making an effort to be close/communicating. I am very unconfrontational so I apologised. I could kick myself now!

Tbh I really don't give a shit about them (GM, 2 uncles, 2 aunts). There's no warmth between us. I'm 23 and moving on with my own life.

To say I've been busy/stressed over the last 24 months is an understatement. Currently, I am in a ldr, finishing off my masters, working part-time, a carer for my mum, dealing with a close bereavement, saving to move out and looking after my aged family dog (doesn't have long left which kills me). Up until recenlty I was applying for grad jobs which often involved 4/5 stages (almost a FT job in itself). And in between all of that I try my best to go out and enjoy myself.

AIBU? Yes, I don't always respond to emails/texts but give me a bloody break. I really don't know them/care about them. Sorry if that makes me a bitch. I have an older sister who emigrated to Aus so it feels like it's all on me.

Communication is a two way street so don't feel any guilt of not being in touch. They could've called you a lot sooner if they wanted to see how you were. My guess would be that they're getting older and seeing their friend's relationships with their grandchildren and want something similar. Or want you to do something for them.
I'd say feel free to contact them by calls/emails etc as much as you'd like but I wouldn't go jumping through hoops to see them. There's probably a reason your parents didn't see them often.

I had that from various family members and its basically just another way for dysfunctional abusive people to try and continue being dysfunctional and abusive, who are resentful for you looking likely to escape all that. The best way to deal with it is to go no contact or minimal contact to the extent that you won't feel guilty should something happen to them eg cards at Christmas. I don't think these people have any idea the amount of energy it takes as a young person to put in place the things you need for a good and secure future.

It feels like I'm always being attacked at. At one point my step-grandfather said "I haven't seen you in over year" - he's not once picked up the phone to organise a catch-up. Tbf they do live in Scotland but he often has meetings in London. Also, it's pretty much accepted he hates my mum and dad (who I'm close to) so I don't really care to know him because of that.

Communication goes two ways. What have they done to keep in touch with you? If you don't care about keeping in touch, don't.

I would block them all. Better to go full-on NC, then trying to deal with the flying monkeys and guilt-tripping. You got nothing to loose and much to gain.