Daughter living abroad

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My eldest daughter is now living in the EU - since moving there contact is usually made by me. I have really struggled with her going ( she had two children) I am very low at the mo - and left her to contact me- she did by text and added she has been too busy of late. I was upset and said she could have spent a few minutes either by phone call or text - just to say ‘I’m thinking about you’ or whatever. Now apparently I have sent a tirade of complaints to her , and how cruel I am .
It’s so unfair I believe - we have always supported her , looked after the children during holidays etc - been there done that - I feel sick. We love each other very much , and I miss them all - but it seems when I dare to say anything or expect some understanding/ support / it’s just not there - I would welcome helpful comments

I was upset and said she could have spent a few minutes either by phone call or text - just to say ‘I’m thinking about you’ or whatever.

Well I guess she wasn’t thinking about you, because like most young people she’s got other and more exciting things to do than think about her mum all day. She’s not a toddler, her life doesn’t revolve around to anymore. You sound very draining.

You seem like a quite clingy mum.

I also find that time zones are a pain - the times I'd normally be calling Mum, she'd not be best pleased if I did - with good reason. Which means I've got to think about it at the right time, or ahead of time.

I think i might have a different perspective on this
Mainly because i just moved to a different country with our child. It hit my mother really hard as not only is he far away but we're living with my wife's family so they get to see him all the time.

It's sad and stressful for her and its sad and stressful for me. But in different ways.

You need to find a way to talk about it understanding that they had good reasons for moving and also it's not as easy as you think for them.

No I think you may have misread - it’s usually me that initiates the contact. I must say my emotions have been a complete surprise to me , and I can identify ‘the cycle of loss’ - but it can knock you off your feet , then eventually comes acceptance.
There is a lot more to this story than I am prepared to put on here.
But in general I’m not a fan of not communicating , it leads to all sorts of loneliness and upset. In my professional life ,when communication breaks down , so does the family - although I must say it has to be healthy communication- there’s nothing wrong with letting folk know you miss them 😁

But maybe she doesn’t miss you and maybe she’s not thinking about you??

Sorry to sound harsh but if she’s only just moved then she’ll be busy finding her feet and settling herself and the kids and that is her priority.

What you want and need is not what your daughter wants or needs, or should be compelled to give. Parenting is a one way street, even with adult children. They will take more than they give back. It is not an equal and reciprocal relationship.

I am the daughter living abroad. My mum is a martyr and tries to guilt trip us into moving home or feeling bad for “taking the grandkids away”. She also does the no phoning thing . It does not make us want to move back or speak to her more often, and I dread every interaction with her. Not saying you are that bad and of course you are allowed to miss them but I think your expectations are unfair.

If you really want to speak to her, give her a call.

In my life I literally am too busy to go to the toilet sometimes!! I have actually wet myself two or three times for this reason! It sounds crazy, but it's true!!!

Talk about over-dramatising! If this is true then you need to organise yourself better.

@IveEatenTooooMuch

"In my life I literally am too busy to go to the toilet sometimes!! I have actually wet myself two or three times for this reason! It sounds crazy, but it's true!!!"

It sounds crazy, because it is. You don't wet yourself because you are busy, but because you are nuts!