To ask: What makes a "good" dad?

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

I see posts all the time stating that an OP's Dp/Dh/bf is not a good dad to his child/ren from a previous relationship and it got me thinking as to what constitutes a good dad when he and the mum are separated?

The standards are low. Being an equal parent makes someone a brilliant dad........ anyone who has a partner that does more than the bare minimum seems to gain this accolade.

Treating the mother with respect
Providing financially
Doing the hard work of raising children rather than just the fun parts...so homework, drs appointments, buying uniform, rather than just taking them out or going on holiday.
Putting the children before themselves and their own social life/relationship.

I think it's same with any parent. Being there for the child physically, emotionally and financially. Putting their needs above own and disregarding own discomfort for their child. Taking responsibility instead of putting the responsibility to others.

Someone who does an equal amount of the boring parental / running a home stuff, not just the fun stuff.

Someone who models good manners, is respectful to the children's mother regardless of the state of their own relationship.

Someone who works to support their children without taking the stance that being the 'breadwinner' entitles them to say how money is spent.

Someone that encourages and inspires their children to get an education, experience new places and cultures.

Just a few off the top of my head.

I'd say same as being a good mum.

Considers the children before everything he does. Plans for their care and welfare at all times. Satisfies himself that when he is not with them they are looked after excellently. When he is with them, looks after them excellently. Has fun and sets boundaries. Gives them a great time. Gets them to bed in time, with clean teeth, every night.

Has a constant set of mental checklists in which he thinks about short and long term. Are they ok now, but also what developmental and social needs do they have coming up, and how can their dad plan to make these happen? Does DS need to learn to ride a bike next holidays? Is it worth seeing the doctor about that stubborn verruca? Should I chat to the teacher about whether DD is getting on ok with her friends, she was a bit weepy last week? Can I do a sticker chart to help DS learn to tell the time?? etc etc.

Plans financially and emotionally for their future. Works hard to keep the family afloat (whether separated or not).

Warms their pyjamas on the radiator.

Listens to them talk. Holds space for them.

Cheerleads them as they take risks, and tells them they are strong and brilliant and resilient (This one is particularly important for dads to do - dad is the first learning for the baby about the world outside mum's arms, and he has to help his child navigate it).

There are so many amazing dads out there x

Not leaving his children. Obtaining as much contact as possible/good for the children if the mother has left and taken them with her. Supporting the children financially and emotionally. Attempting to maintain a good relationship with mother to effectively co parent.

Someone who is hands on, will change nappies, share the night feeds, play with the dc. Someone who takes turns walking the floor with a wobbly small person on his fingers and doesn't get (outwardly) fed up. Someone who takes the time to go to school plays/sports day because it's as important to him as the dm. Someone who will laugh and joke with them even when they are in a strop. Someone who takes turns at bedtime and listens to all the "trivial" things like what happened at school or who is worrying them. Someone who looks until the toy they can't sleep without is found even at 3 am

I meant dads who are separated from the mum.

Actually taking care of the children and doing their fair share, my ex has decided he won’t rather not be a dad so doesn’t see them now!

Keeping the children as important in his life as they were before

Not being a Disney dad and leaving all the bad stuff to the mum.

Making decisions that are best for the children - yes if you travel 400 miles (because he moved) on a Friday after work and arrive at nearly 11pm you might be itching to see your child, but if they are a 2yo used to going to bed at 7pm it's no benefit to them to be woken, upset and moved to your hotel at daft o'clock - rather than themselves.

Same things that make a good mum. Supporting them emotionally and financially, putting them and their needs first, providing a stable environment, doing the hard slog as well as the easy/fun stuff.