Son is so lazy- what can I do

[custardcreamzz]

I have 2 kids, 22 and 19- the oldest has had part time jobs on and off since 16 and works when they can on holidays.

My 19 year old has never had a job, and is just incredibly lazy. I've asked, shouted, begged, encouraged and helped make his CV and literally applied for jobs for him to then refuse to respond. He had an allowance for uni but that has been stopped since hes been on summer for 3 months- hes now used all his savings and has asked for more which I've said no to and have then been sworn at!

I dont know what else to do in this regard, he has 2 more years at uni and will go back in september. Currently all he does is sleep in, game and go out drinking with friends. All his friends have jobs - what have I done wrong? What more can I do? I'm despairing

Just don’t give him any money at ALL.

Well, if he doesn't have any money, he won't be able to go out drinking as his friends won't sub him indefinitely.
Turn the wi fi off.

Don't give him anymore money.

Keep changing the wifi password until he gets a job.

Lock him out of the house while you're at work all day.

No money
No WiFi.
Lock. Him out with a wallet of cvs

Tell him to get a job and pay you for his keep. Otherwise he's out the door as an adult who is responsible for his own position in life.

It's tricky. You will get all these responses which will ask you to make your house into a battle zone. Choose your battles with him. Ask him if there is something about finding work that he is anxious about and help steer him through that but be firm about not giving handouts.

Tbh you can't "force" him to work. All you can do is refuse to give him money. My DS was a bit like this. He simply didn't care enough about money to go out and work. He had his student loans etc and he just made that last. Once he did want money for things he found a job very quickly! He just slept and gamed (though he didn't drink) but he now works really hard. So don't despair, he will turn it around when he's ready. I didn't subsidise him though, he knew if he wanted stuff he had to budget or go without. However I would be making it clear that swearing at you is not acceptable.

Cross posted with all the militant parents there! I mean yeah if you want no relationship with him at all in future then take their advice! Or you can do what Decormad38 sensibly suggested and talk to him.

Did you not see the bit where she has already talked, begged, pleaded and shouted?

Yes, and as you all point out, he's an adult. If he doesn't want a job alongside Uni that's his choice! As long as OP doesn't subsidise him and he treats her with respect, he can make his own choices! In the one breath you're all saying "he's an adult" but in the next "turn the wifi off" like he's a 5 year old! Does anybody really think that will motivate him to get a job?

I know it's not the same but my DD15.......
Last Summer I lost count of the £10 here, £20 there etc, £30 for acrylic nails .
This year we did a chores list;
£5 for ironing (10 items)
£2 washing up and sweeping kitchen floor
£3 watering garden and sweeping patio and paths
I can't believe the difference! Not only will she do the chores (I'd pay double for the Ironing alone) but she budgets so much better and is eager to do chores to earn money. No chores, no money, simple