to be terrified of my ex, still?

[OoohMasala]

I left me ex a while back. We have a child who he's not allowed to see due to domestic abuse. This is backed up by social services, CAFCASS, solicitors. He never hurt me physically. He was coercive and controlling. I believe he raped me (though many on my last thread didn't agree). He was scary, and used to talk about hiring a hit man on his ex. He bragged about beating people up when he was younger. I tiptoed around him. He called me names, made me feel small. He's extremely muscular and used his size to intimidate me. He financially controlled me. I am a shell of a woman.

I have an injunction against him now, but I constantly feel like I am looking over my shoulder. He's taking me to court and it's not going well for him. He's tripped over his lies and he is likely to be told he will not see his son again unless he goes on a domestic violence perpetrator programme.

I am absolutely terrified about how angry this is making him. His ex used to be 30 minutes late occasionally due to traffic or unforseen circumstances and he would completely fly off the handle and wish her dead, saying he wishes he could pay someone to burn her house down or to kill her.

I've fled but he knows where my mum lives. I have an injunction but it won't physically stop him from coming near me.

I hate living in fear. Will this ever get better?

Bump,

Didn't want to read and run OP, hope you manage to find some tranquility knowing that he doesn't know where you live, atleast in your 4 walls you can be safe. X

I know it’s not an option for everyone but I found that I was a lot more comfortable moving to a different town when I left my abusive ex.
I do think it also gets better after time; as you start processing it and recovering from it.

OP what about getting a large dog that is an appropriate breed to train as a guard dog? I am serious. The dog will always let you know if he is in the vicinity and protect you

YANBU OP I worked with women in your situation for many years and if he is barred from child contact that means all professional services recognise the risk he poses and believe you and that you are capable of safeguarding yourself and your children. Have you engaged with women's aid? I didn't read your other thread but please ignore what people said about your experience, you were there you know he raped you that is not for them to dismiss or diminish. I have worked with CARA/rape crisis and they offer fantastic counselling and various forms of counselling for free, they are an incredible organisation and I'd recommend you give them a call to see what's available in your area. Please report any threats to your mum and the police can authorise safety measures through marac such as CCTV/reinforced doors etc if your mum is at risk. I know it doesn't feel like it but you will get past this with time, a lady I worked with as a client around fifteen years ago is now working in a job herself supporting women who are survivors of abuse. You've got yourself away from him and that is an incredible thing to have done for you and your children.

Thanks for this advice. It's such a horrible feeling. I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder all the time. I tried rape crisis twice, but neither time got through and no response to my voicemail as yet

I am three years down the line from a similar situation. I still feel on edge and there are things I won't do - but I would say over the last year I have thought about it less. I hope it will keep improving x and same for you too