I want to stick at 1 DC, DH wants another

[RollingRedHills]

We have a 7 month old DD who is wonderful and a handful. Before having DD I had a very challenging and exciting career which I am returning to in January. I love being a mum and DD was very much planned and wanted but I miss my career. It's tough because already I know I'll struggle to be away from her but at the same time want to be back at work - I suppose a lot of working mums feel that to some extent.

Anyway I adore DD and adore being a family but I'm already looking forward to her being a bit older so DH and I can have some independence back. I'm just thinking about going out on an evening and knowing she will be ok, her sleeping through reliably so we aren't permanently knackered, being able to have a conversation with her, being able to do activities etc. I think I'm just better with toddlers and children to be honest rather than little babies, I didn't enjoy parenting the very early stages I found it claustrophobic and frightening.

DH wants to start trying for another DC. Before we got married we said we wanted children but never really said how many we are both only children and did always say if we tried for more than one and it didn't happen we would be fine with that but really wanted at least one.

I don't want more than one I see my friends with two and it's so much work, such a handful for them and I don't think I want to deal with all that. DH is very insistent though. AIBU to stick with one?

YANBU but it is still very early days is it not? Why the rush? We have a 9MO DD and right now I’d say I’m one and done however i do anticipate my feelings about that may change once DD is older and things are less intense. I’d revisit the conversation in another year - 18 months once you’re settled back at work and see how you feel then.

With you child being just 7 months Id wait a year at least before discussing having another. I felt just like you did after dd1. I love my career, felt complete, did not want or need another. Then, when she was 2/3 I hit the 'if it happens, it happens' stage. Then she started school and something swept over me and I just needed a second baby. Dd2 is now 2.5, DD1 is 8. They are the best of frenemies. I word full time and we pay a fortune in childcare but it works.

I didn't want a second for all the same, and more, reasons. My DD is now nearly 6 and we love our family of 3. Definitely no regrets and never had any desire to go back to pregnancy and baby stages. Shudder at the thought!

Hi OP

Of course no one should insist on another child. You cant force someone to have a child anyway.

But I would listen to him and try and take on board the reasons why.

I dint enjoy the baby stage either. I have two (2.5 year gap) and the transition from one to two was actually harder than I thought and impacted on all of us (activities the oldest cant do because of baby naps etc).

But the oldest surprises me by saying shes bored when the toddler is in bed and asks to get her up, says shes her best friend and always wants to see her. Its completely up to you but I'd just bear in mind the baby and toddler years when you're constrained by naps and tantrums and fussy eating etc only last a couple of years.

Plenty of people that want a career or dont enjoy the baby stage, have more than one child.

I'm not saying you should have another by the way just playing devils advocate really. I am on threads where the person really wants a second and their partner doesnt, saying the opposite (I so wanted another I didn't really think about my husbands reasons not to and in hindsight he was right about a few things)

This thread makes me sad because my DH and I are in the same situation, but reversed. I desperately want another (we have an 18 month old DD) and my DH only wants one.

I have always been clear that I wanted more than one child, and to be honest it’s a bit of a dealbreaker for me. If he had said before marriage he only wanted one then I wouldn’t have married him. If he put his foot down now I think our marriage would suffer significantly.

7 months is incredibly early. I didn’t even think about no. 2 until at least ten months. And now life is just so wonderful with a toddler I want to do it all over again. You don’t need to close any doors right now.