AIBU about other people ignoring parents' word

[notyourmummy]

I genuinely don't know if IABU, so prepared to be flamed!
After services at our church, everyone sits down together for a cuppa, a biscuit and a natter. There's always fruit and often biscuits and milk available for the children. There's one woman who constantly goes against what parents say about what their children can have...for example a while ago, she asked my 2yo if she wanted milk. My 2yo is intolerant to milk, but says yes to most things offered. I intervened and said that she couldn't have it, but the woman gave her a cup of milk and said "but she wanted it". Then today, another child had just been told no more biscuits and she lent across and passed him one! And then, despite his dad saying he couldn't have tea, she gave him a cup of tea - "he wanted it"!!! We all sit round a fairly small table so it's not like she hasn't heard what's been said, she's deliberately going against it.
WIBU to be very loudly firm with her next time??

Of course be loud and firm next time! What a stupid woman! You have a very good reason regarding the milk but she has no right to just do what she wants.

Be prepared next time with your challenge

Yanbu does she know he is intolerant to milk? I would tell her loudly next time it will make x VERY ILL no milk PLEASE!

Because across most cultures and primate groups, and some other animal groups, food sharing is token off friendship and acceptance.

Its not difficult to expand your original answer from - I intervened and said that she couldn't have it to something like "ooh no! Mary is allergic to milk, she can only have water/juice/soya/whatever, have you got any of that please?"

People think they are being nice. tell them they are inadvertently being harmful.

Oh show some Christian understanding and empathy for goodness sakes

Yes it’s a bit annoying but she probably doesn’t have children or hers are grown up and she’s forgotten what it’s like. It’s annoying but her heart will be in the right place

Oh show some Christian understanding and empathy for goodness sakes

I'm sure the OP will if the milk intolerance results in stomach pain and diarrhea in her dc.

Avid, long term churchgoer here and if any of my children had medical problems and a fellow attendee tried to give them something that is harmful to them I would politely but firmly point it out to them on the first try of giving them the item.

For something that is a choice eg tea, another biscuit, whatever I have said no to already, I would possibly allow child to have it depending on what it was but explain to them it wouldn't happen next time. A second biscuit or sweet may be allowed but a cup of tea for a 2 year old eg. wouldn't.

The comment about not being allowed it next time would be said loud enough for other person to hear and said while looking at them to make sure they knew it was directed at them. If they persisted in trying to give my child something they have been told they can not have I would have a quiet word privately about it. This would consist of informing them they need to respect my decision and not to go against what I have clearly said.

Thankfully in our church there is a lot of respect from and for most people and rarely does anything like this come up. We are probably more relaxed about the dc having an extra biscuit/sweet etc than everyone else is. If we have a bag of sweets to share we always ask the parents if the children can have one before asking the children if they want one (if the parents have agreed), particularly because of allergies and the fact we meet just before lunch time, others would generally ask us too.

Respect is essential amongst groups of people, I believe it is even more essential in church.

Is she one of the organisers? She sounds like a complete busybody

She is completely irresponsible.

A biscuit could potentially kill my DS if it had traces of nuts as he has a severe nut allergy.

Nobody should give any young children ANY food unless agreed with parents for the allergy reason alone.