To start disliking me dog

[catspyjamas27]

I feel terrible writing this. 2 years ago we as a family decided to get a puppy. We ended up with an American staff - big mean looking thing but soft as muck. He is so lovely natured, friendly and playful with the kids. Very loving and never once been aggressive....but....

He is out of control in other ways! He has chewed, mauled and destroyed so many items in our house and garden. I find him impossible to manage on the lead because he is now so strong and pulls like crazy. We did some training classes when he was a pup but then the centre closed and we just never found another. At this stage I would be concerned about taking him to a place where other dogs are anyway because he's so excitable and would go crazy and I would struggle to control him on the lead. Perhaps one on one sessions would be a better option but there aren't really any in our area that I can find.

My dp and I row about it a lot. Dp can control him better than me and doesn't see any issues. He just thinks that replacing the items he ruins is a solution to the problem and fails to see that this isn't really the long term answer.

We all love the dog to bits and in his quiet moments I feel terrible about being so exasperated by him. But I just wish we had done a bit more research into the breed - although having said that no two dogs are ever the same and we couldn't predict just how boisterous and tough to train he would be. It's upsetting me that me and dp are rowing over it too.

Aibu to feel this way? Please no suggestions to rehome (the dog or the dp!!!) i could never do that. But suggestions would be good...

We have a large (50 kilo) dog who was a nightmare as a pup, naturally!

We took him to a breed specific trainer and worked bloody hard and he’s now four next month and (mostly) good as gold!

Honestly take him somewhere that fully understands his breed, or at least breeds of his size and power, and work with them, it’s the best thing we ever did!

There is a really good Facebook page called Absolute Dogs, with an associated page called Naughty but Nice for dogs. They are selling their training courses, but there is lots of advice that is free, on training using little games. I tried it as my dog was really too lively for me to manage, and it really works well, it has made an amazing difference, he pays more attention to me, the games are very simple and bear no relation to the behaviour, but they work by making him see you as the source of security, fun and well being. His recall is superb, which is important as I tend to walk him in places he can run free, as he is still a bit difficult for me to lead walk very far, as I am old, fat and slow

Mine needs at least 2 hrs a day of free running, ball fetching, and brain work to tire him out.

Are you confident around dogs and have you had dogs before?
I ask because only really experienced dog people usually get an AS - they are the most stubborn breed ever and need really intense training as a pup otherwise they will be out of control. You def need some help otherwise it will just get worse.

You should definitely be able to walk him without worrying about not being in control. We can't make you 6 ft unfortunately so one to one sessions should help a lot.

What are the walks like at the moment? Is there somewhere near you that he can really run?

We did some training classes when he was a pup but then the centre closed and we just never found another.

Train your dog properly
Or rehome him

He’s still young, hang in there! We nearly gave up on our now 6 year old dog and I’m sooo glad we didn’t, some dogs take a couple of years to mature, ours turned 3 and just changed into a lovely calm happy dog - he loves you and you’re his family - don’t rehome him, keep at it x

I would never rehome him. I said that in my OP. I appreciate all of the tips and advice. I have honestly spent hours looking into all of this before and trying to work out the best options and way forward. He gets maybe a 45 minute block/road walk in the morning. Evenings it's a long walk and run (providing there's no other dogs about) in the countryside near where we live. Weekends he'll get even more. So I do think he's getting plenty of exercise. It's usually dp who walks him in the morning as I'm busy with the kids.

Tbh at the moment I'm struggling with my own feelings of guilt at the dislike and frustration I'm experiencing towards him. I know it's not his fault, it's ours. We should have done more when he was younger and been prepared for the type of dog he is. I just need to put plans in place to turn things around.

I've mentioned the collars to dp, he keeps saying we'll get one but it doesn't happen. Like I said because he doesn't struggle like I do he seems to think it's a non issue.

Is there something stopping you buying a harness off your own bat, if your husband is dragging his feet re buying one?

Ok how old are your kids?
I have rehomed a smaller dog from a home with small excitable DC and it is clear that my more calm environment has been the key to stopping some of his awful behaviour (but not all). He is like yours crazily and easily over excited

I think perhaps him running around the garden with DC although lovely is probably not wearing him out but over exciting him and making it worse. Then no one is calm and he doesn’t listen to either of you because no one is teaching him the same lessons!

The main way to get a dog to stop pulling and pay attention is for them to know 1. You will stop walking completely and stand still 2. You have treats which you will give them for good behaviour.

Also re the attention, what is the situation when he is chewing things. Is this out of sight?

For those saying dogs need some kind of constant stimulation, mine also needs sleep. If he was walked 3 times a day and over excited by DC a lot and didn’t sleep much all day he would be a crazy nightmare. When he can go and have a proper snooze he is much better.

Dp can control him better than me and doesn't see any issues

This is depressingly common. I'm a vet and on asking about exercise, many women (it is usually the woman's job to take the dog to the vet, whilst wrangling the children as well) guiltily say "well not as much as he should get; he's very strong and he pulls....my husband can hold him no problem..."
I've seen a few women with fractured wrists from being pulled over, and quite a few with shoulder injuries. Never seen a man with these injuries. Not to mention how unpleasant it is generally with a strong dog that pulls. And that type of dog is the kind of dog that are used in pulling contests in America. I think some men enjoy the feeling of holding a pulling dog and get to admire their own rippling muscles, whilst not giving much of a fuck about their partners who are expected to exercise the beasts when the men are off doing their Important Jobs.

Does your DH go to the gym? Go with him, and get him to go on that weights machine where you pull down on the bar which is attached via an overhead pulley to a stack of weights. Once he's showing off the limit he can lift, get him to keep doing it. For half an hour. While you put your foot on the weight stack and stomp down at random (to simulate the dog lunging forwards when it sees another dog/a squirrel/a person carrying anything/his imaginary friend). Then you can welcome him to your world.

For those saying dogs need some kind of constant stimulation, mine also needs sleep. If he was walked 3 times a day and over excited by DC a lot and didn’t sleep much all day he would be a crazy nightmare. When he can go and have a proper snooze he is much better.

I couldn't agree more.
People massively, massively overestimate the importance of sleep and down time for dogs.

A pp claimed her dog needs two hours of exercise and brain training to wear him out but imo what the dog desperately needs is teaching how to settle down, relax and be bored.
Sooner or later that two hours won't be enough, you'll need three to get the same effect and so on.

If he is more destructive when you are around it does sound as though he may be attention seeking. Do you spend much time giving him attention and playing with him? Also does he know how to settle? When I first got my puppy I was so invested in keeping her active and stimulated and busy, I didn't train her to settle. So she would get completely over stimulated and overtired and just zoom around. Now we ensure she has settle down time after each active period she is so much better.

I do think you need to get a behaviourist in to help with the training. It's all well and good your partner being able to control him, but it sounds as though you can't control him at all. This can be quite a dangerous situation. What if your dog sees another dog and drags you both into a road?

On the positive side it does sound like behaviour that can be rectified with time, effort and a bit of guidance

*underestimate I mean!

Honestly find a dog trainer. I had to for one of mine when he was about 18 months (never had to for any other dog I’ve had). I just couldn’t get to the bottom of his behaviour including the destructiveness. He worked wonders but did say the training was all in the owners not the dog so your oh would need to be on board so the dog has consistency. The trainer really showed us a different was to be with this particular dog. Well worth the money.

I'm glad you don't want to give up on him OP.
Join the dog training advice and support group on Facebook. Read through their units and it will give you some ideas. But more importantly ask them to recommend you a trainer in your area. They only recommend positive reinforcement trainers which is what you want.
Make sure you don't leave things in his reach. If he destroys them you've only got yourself to blame for being careless. If he generally does it when you're around then it could be for attention. Try teaching a positive interrupter again into on the Facebook group.
Until you're sorted with a trainer, can you drive him somewhere and then let him off? That way short term you're avoiding being dragged. If he's questionable around other dogs then look for a private dog field you can hire. They're not normally expensive and you get them to yourself and he can run and chase balls with no worries of other dogs being around

At two years old he should be out of the puppy chewing stage, so there may well be another reason for his behaviour.

There are some physical causes of chewing. I have a one year old dog who didn’t chew as a puppy, but started chewing everything around 9mo. He’s already had an operation to remove 11 stones from his stomach and numerous vet visits to make him vomit or monitor the progress of various objects through his system. Multiple vets told me it is behavioural, but it took a specialist and a gastroscope to find out he has a variety of gastric problems which mean he is in pain and chews to alleviate his pain.

I am not suggesting this is necessarily the case with your dog, but a visit to the vet to check teeth, run some bloods and talk about options might be an idea.

The DC need to leave the dog to sleep really, he needs to also settle I agree. If mine doesn’t sleep he’s awful. And if he feels disturbed by noise and people he won’t just flop and sleep properly he will try to keep up with what is going on

He settles and sleeps well. He has his designated sleeping space - the dc know not to bother him there and we have never had any issues with him not settling. It's the one thing he's pretty good at!

To the pp who was the vet....thank you!!!! Im starting to get really pissed off with dp attitude - it's not a problem to him when the dog pulls so therefore it shouldn't be a problem to me either in his eyes. Last week dp had a virus and I had to walk the dog. Ended up coming home in tears of sheer frustration because he'd pulled pretty much the whole time. My hand and arm were killing and quite frankly I couldn't stand the sight of him or the dog for a good few hours after! He's dragged me over once before on some gravel as well which bloody hurt!

I know we need to tackle this. Thank you all for the advice.

Go back to basics. His exercise routine sounds good but it sounds like he needs some kind of structure to his day, as well as some basic obedience training.

Will he do simple things like sit/stay/down/recall reliably? If not, start there. Work on the basics - 10/15 minutes twice a day should be be plenty - we do it before walks because it seems to calm him down slightly before we go out. We work through what he already knows (always in a different order so he's kept on his toes) and work on a new one too. It normally takes him a week to perfect a new command (so he can consistently do it without a lure and to both voice and hand commands).

He doesn't need to be constantly running about either - I find some kind of routine helps massively with mine. So we get up and he's let out, then he has to mooch at home until we get ready for a walk. We do training then he's out for about 75 minutes for his walk. Home, back out to the toilet, then he gets a chew. After that he normally sleeps/lazes about for a good six hours). Then it's toilet, a bit of play (tug or fetch) then back to sleep/dozing. Then it's dinner and another chew. If he's got a lot of energy in the evenings he either gets a second walk or a 10-15 minute training session, then that's him done for the day.

Dogs don't need tons of exercise - mental stimulation and training is just as important (if not more so) and it really helps with their obedience levels.

OP - whose idea was it to get a dog that's so big and strong you can't walk him safely?

Definitely find a dog trainer if you can - your DH needs to get on board with this, so find a way to make him see this. My dog is difficult, as he’s stubborn and strong, but he does (eventually) get the message on “if you pull, I stop walking” (though he needs a lot of reminding!) DON’T use Barkbusters, btw - I did, briefly, when my dog was about a year old, and their training methods made him so anxious he started weeing in the house again. I felt incredibly guilty, but they market themselves as being all about positive training, and I fell for it. (Only for a couple of weeks, but I still hated myself. And I’d stupidly paid “lifetime support” level). Anyway, I digress - frozen kongs are great. My boy has a puzzle bowl and a Kong thing for his kibble too (that he has to kick around to release the kibble - it’s like a weeble!) Anything to stimulate the brain is good, basically. I’ve also - with some perseverance - taught him to come straight over to me (for a treat) if he sees cats / joggers / horses - anything that triggers him into being an arse, basically! (And that includes other dogs, when he’s on his lead. He now actively looks around for any possible “triggers” so he can get a treat! It’s taken time and patience - and never any scolding. Just reward good behaviour. They do get it eventually. Good luck - stubborn dogs, in my experience, are also extremely loyal and loving. They’re worth the effort.
Oh - and check out local, enclosed dog fields for stress-free off-lead runs. I take my little idiot once a week or so. I’ll try and find a link to a site that lets you search by location

Here’s the link for enclosed fields dogwalkingfields.co.uk/

Decent advice on this thread!
I would add:
Diet!
Dogs that are prone to being hyperactive/highly strung especially need decent food. No dentastix or bakers or pedigree (full of cereals and additives).
Stuff a kong with a tray of Forthglade wet food 3 times a day, only give sprats or other dried fish as treats.
See if that makes a difference.