Lack of energy and feeling like I don't care

[Findmysocks]

I went to the doctors a couple of months ago as I was feeling like crap. When I eventually saw the MH nurse she told me I had a slight social anxiety and gave me a CD, said she was jealous of all the sleep I get and said she didn't need to see me again. For context, I more or less get 8hrs a night then have a 2/3hr nap during the day while child 2 (child 1 at school) is sleeping, though I'm still finding I'm utterly exhausted during the hols and child 1 sits on the bed and watches TV while I sleep.

I have absolutely no motivation, my house is a mess and I can walk passed it. I hate going out and stay in wherever possible. I start things and don't finish them because I get overwhelmed. I feel like a crap mum and just want to run away. My husband has said to me today that he doesn't believe that I love him because of the state the house is in.

I work part-time shift work. Child 1 is going back to school next week. Child 2 has been in and out of hospital for various operations and illnesses since January. I passed my driving test nearly 2 years ago but hate driving, get so stressed when I have to drive outwith normal routes.

I am fully prepared for you all to tell me to get a grip because that might be what I need. I just need some advice.

Would you consider antidepressants and pushing through the tiredness?

How is your diet?

I say this as someone who is getting through depression and losing weight/revamping my lifestyle has helped.

I chose not to go down the AD route, but they are appropriate for some people.

You need to go back to the GP, don't talk about the driving (else you'll go back down the "social anxiety" route), talk instead about your excessive tiredness and how it is interfering with normal life and your ability to function, and about your lack of motivation.

It could be mental, eg depression, or it could be physical - anaemia, low thyroid, sleep apnoea and many other conditions can cause excessive tiredness. You'd like the GP to check for both physical and mental causes.

Your MH nurse was most unhelpful - she should have known better than to dismiss your problems in that way. Your husband isn't being supportive either. Interesting assumption - that you'd keep the house tidy to show you love him, rather than because you want it clean and tidy for yourself and your children.

Sounds like you have fatigue. Fatigue is when you are exhausted all the time and even after resting/sleeping you still feel tired. You feel you never have any energy.
Lots of causes of fatigue.
You should get tested for any deficiencies. You could be anemic or have B12 or vit D deficiency.
Also tested for glandular fever
Depression also causes fatigue- but MH nurse appears to have ruled that out.
Or you may have CFS/ME.

Oh bless you OP, you sound a lot like me.
My don't know what the answer is but I want you to know that you aren't alone.

Definitely second getting an extensive blood test.

Fatigue also impacts your cognitive functioning..thus the fear you have of driving on unfamiliar routes. Your brain can’t handle the extra task of looking for street signs, remembering turns. The same with starting a task but then getting overwhelmed...like cooking dinner you may be own to chop veg but then too tired to actually cook it.

So, as well as tests to find cause look at pacing yourself to manage the fatigue. For example, Hoover one room a day instead of whole house in one go. For every ten minutes housekeeping, take a one hour break. Chop veg in morning for evening meal. Things that you used to do in one go, break them down into smaller chunks and give yourself breaks in between.
Be kind to yourself. There is a reason you are feeling the way you feel. It’s something that is happening to you- not you choosing this.

You sound really depressed OP

Am personally on ADs so am a bit bias, but they helped get me out of a huge depression & have no desire to get off them. For the record have not noticed any weight gain after 2 years (Effexor)

Go easy on yourself & even if you’ve just managed to wash your hair, or tackle one chore, make the bed even! Every little thing you can do for your self care that you used to is a step towards feeling like yourself again.

With regards to the house, sometimes clutter & chores can be so overwhelming. Have found watching house cleaning shows (there is a uk one with 2 funny ladies) or that hoarders show on my phone while I just tackle one thing at a time.

psychologically don’t underestimate the power of having just one area that you keep clean. For me it’s the sink & having the dishes not pile up. They get done while cooking so not much mess at the end, or straight after & then I make a tea or coffee then relax. I also wipe the shower & bath down with a hand towel after most uses or so don’t have to scrub it as much.

It is summer in your country so getting sun & ensuring you are not deficient in vitamin D is really important too ! That is known to be a trigger for low mood & lethargy. Make sure your limbs get exposed or you won’t absorb the sun’s goodness

Don’t have any other answers but you aren’t alone xox

Have you had your thyroid checked op?
Before I started on thyroxine I could barely function. I was exhausted all the time and would go shopping without my purse or drive home having left the shopping in the shop.

OP I feel for you. Exhaustion is horrid. It may have a physical cause, or be depression, but either way this nurse has been worse than useless. I’m not sure what mental health training she has received, but therapy 101 involves not saying you’ve got it better than me with all your extra sleep! I’d be quite tempted to complain about that.

But anyway back to you. Your dh is really not being helpful making it about him. Sit him down and explain how you’re feeling overwhelmed and that you need some moral support at the v least. Why can’t you tackle the house together at the weekends? Once it’s in a better state it’s much easier to keep it organised. You could equally say, you don’t think he loves you because he’s not concerned about your health, just his comfort. If he refuses, is there anyone who might help, either friends or family? Messiness can impact on your mental health.

Don’t underestimate how much stress your child’s health could have on you. Especially if you have to hold all the mental and practical load of attending appointments, doing all the convalescent care, and holding all the worry.

Make sure your GP exhausts all physical causes, such as vitamin deficiency, viruses etc.

Meanwhile make sure you get some self care time, doing things just for you, whatever that involves. Women can often get caught up with caring for everyone except themselves.

Having someone to offload onto might do you the world of good. There may be some low cost counselling services near by. Even if you’re fatigue has a physical cause, it may well impact your mental health and anxiety levels. Often long term stress can come out through anxiety, such as your fears around driving. Good luck OP and keep posting when you need to.