Flaky exes and vague plans!

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

We arranged to have a child free weekend next weekend as we're going to a gig. I'd said to DH to offer to have the kids on Thursday by way of exchange, which he did. The ex never responded to the text so we assumed she didn't need us to have them. This was weeks ago.

He texted her this morning just to check still ok for next weekend and she replied yes, oh and the kids are with you on Thursday aren't they? Oh ok, so we were meant to know that by the power of telepathy were we? She's like this all the time, unclear with plans, and it drives me crazy. I don't mind being flexible with the stepkids coming to us but I do like to know what the hell is going on so that I can make plans accordingly.

The other thing is that it's A level results day and eldest will get his results that day. DH now wants to take the kids out for dinner to celebrate. I had made plans which I hadn't told him about but now I'll have to change them.

My AIBU is that my DD gets her GCSE results a week later and I wanted to do something similar for her. But DH is planning on going to a funeral for an old neighbour of his in his home town, a 2 hour drive away. So I'm expected to change my plans this Thursday to fit in with last minute plans due to flaky ex, but he won't be around for my daughter's GCSE celebration a week later because he's going to the funeral of sometime he hasn't seen in years?

I don’t understand. Can’t he just take his child out to celebrate exams you you take your child out?

He expects me to go with them and change my plans. If that wasn't the case I'd just take my daughter out on my own. Double standards - that's my issue.

So your existing plans for Thursday didn’t involve him? Then don’t cancel, go ahead and he can take his kids out.

It’s his choice to go to the funeral and you don’t need him to be there to celebrate GCSEs so again do your own things.

This isn’t really about his ex I don’t think? You’re annoyed at him expecting flexibility to be a one way street.

@AnneLovesGilbert no it's not really about his ex but her lack of communication irritates me because it means we never know where we are with arrangements for the kids.

That’s still an issue with him for not nailing plans down and/or communicating direct with his DC who, at finishing A levels age, must have their own phones and be able to make plans themselves.

True.... However 18YO is equally flaky and vague, plus he'll be at Uni in a month or so and we'll still have to make arrangements for the youngest with the flaky ex!

We've just had an almighty row about this after it's been stewing all day. I've adjusted my plans so that I can make SS's celebratory meal. But when I asked him to get back after the funeral in time for dinner for my DD it was a big huff and 'you know I was planning to stay overnight' - am so upset and angry.