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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being too sensitive?

4 replies

Belfield · 11/08/2019 14:18

I have trying to have a second child for six years. I have a condition which makes it difficult and have suffered a miscarriage. Due to my age, heartbreak of trying and MC,potential gap between siblings and my DH being happy with one we are discussing not trying anymore. My friend has had a difficult journey. She has one children naturally but needs IVF for a second. We used to be close but for various reasons have grown apart. She lives abroad so contact is by Skype. I spoke with her recently and I am upset/disappointed but I feel also I am being very sensitive. During the call she asked if we were doing IVF. I told her we got tests went to consultation and were going ahead but then I found out we were pregnant but then I miscarried (I had told her this previously). I found the MC so devastating that I couldn’t go back. I am finding the whole disappointment so difficult every month but because we got pregnant I don’t know if IVF is the answer. Due to my age and the gap we are not sure what to do. She then said yeah so we did one cycle and it failed, than another and guess what I’m five weeks pregnant! I am delighted for her and I know she has had a difficult journey but I felt that the way she said it wasn’t the most sensitive. The next fifteen minutes were spent talking congratulating her and she was also saying that it was much better for her child. I am probably being unreasonable but I just feel that we are not close so she doesn’t need to tell me at five weeks and the dramatic drum roll the story was told was maybe more suitable for another friend who hasn’t just discussed with you the pain they feel regarding a mc. She has asked that I discuss it with no one and I won’t. I am delighted for her. I have had friends and colleagues become pregnant and I have always been v happy for them so I don’t know why I am upset by this. I think it was the way it was communicated. Am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
Newmumma83 · 11/08/2019 14:26

I guess good news is hard to hold in, but perhaps a little self centred considering you recently had a mid carriage.

The comment about it being better for her child is the bit that most bites me. Like children with no siblings are worse off.

I touch wood believe I have no fertility issues and have a son but giving him a sibling is not a given.

I am 8 months On and in pain with my back and hips ( I literally feel my hips grind as I walk now and on occasion my back ) I am not sure I could
Survive another pregnancy. Financially it
Would be a stretch.

I still pour all I have into my son but when people tell me j must have a sibling for him
It’s selfish ... I do Literally want to Punch them ... as I think they will have missed opportunities and a even worse off mum physically for a least a year or two
Presuming what pregnancy did to me is reversible .

Your emotionally feeling no longer strong enough for it right now and it’s hard to conceive .... it doesn’t mean your child is missing out. There is no guarantee siblings even like each other, so ignore her and just take the pressure off and each day as it comes and don’t expect that you SHOULD give your child a sibling , all you NEED to do is give them a loving home and the best life you can. And both parents as happy and healthy as they can be x x

Belfield · 11/08/2019 15:54

@Newmumma83 thanks. I didn’t mind the discussion about it being better for her dd as Im used to people saying that at this stage! If you stick with your DS be prepared for lots of lonely only comments! 8 months is a lovely time, enjoy

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 11/08/2019 15:56

YANBU at all. Flowers

EL8888 · 11/08/2019 15:57

Personally l don’t think you are being overly sensitive. Yeah l know she was excited but did she have to tell you quite like that? Plus at 5 weeks there is no real need, l am sure she could have kept it to herself for longer

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