Standoff with child

[AliciaWhiskers]

DS(8) does martial arts every Sunday. He enjoys it, and I like him doing it as it’s good exercise for him. He is 98th centile for height and weight and a big boy for his age, and prone to being rather lazy.

Today, we arrived at his class, and he has refused to join in. He says he is too tired to do it.

I’ve given him 3 choices:

1. Join in for 15 mins (out of an hour session) and then we can leave if he wants 2. We stay and watch everyone else for the hour
2. We walk home (20 mins away)

He is currently just sulking.

AIBU to not give in?

I'd walk him home then makes him do chores.

I don't think you're BU.

Time to start waslking home.

Yep, we are walking home. He made that choice himself. Funnily enough, he’s not too tired to skip along and ask to play tag...

Maybe he doesn't enjoy the activity?

Does he usually join in okay?

Yes, he usually loves it.

I'd have given him option 4. Do it or feel my wrath not really but I wouldn't have given him any of those three options to be honest, they seem wishy washy, just tell him to stop being lazy, do it and thats that

Are 8 year-olds not allowed to be a bit mopey from time to time? Poor kid.

I’m loathe to label him with the term lazy. It feels like name calling. I mean, he can be a lazy bugger, but I don’t know if it helps to tell him that’s what he is being.

Has something happened at class op? Especially if he usually loves it. Though maybe he’s having an off day. We all have them 🤷🏻‍♀️

There was a really good thread on here recently about people not seeing their children as actual people but as something that has to be controlled all the time. He’s eight. Take him home or to the park, let him win one. Is it really such a big deal if he misses one week?

Ah sorry, just seen you’ve already left. Hope he’s a bit cheerier now.

When you get home, sit and have a chat and ask him why he didnt want to join in, chat about why doing activities is a good idea, get him to come up with a plan for going forward

I would stay un-till the end then make him do some house work for wasting your time.
You can`t let an 8yr old dictate what he wants to do.
Your life will be hell when he becomes a teenager.

I had similar with DS at a younger age about one of his weekly classes. He would often say he felt ill just before it. Turned out he was dreading it every week, just wasn’t his thing and he had lost confidence. I felt awful when he admitted he couldn’t sleep the night before the activity! He was a bigger child too, so I made sure to substitute the activity with another physical one.

Pumperthepumper I’ll have a look for that thread (unless you can link to it?). I don’t think I spend my life controlling him. But I do think it’s important for him to get exercise, and he always needs pushing with that. He tried to dodge out of walking or swimming by saying it makes him too tired. Of course, he would probably be less tired if he did more exercise!

Yes, we all have off days, but he wanted to go to the lesson when we were at home, and then when we got there he changed his mind.

I would also be interested in that thread, if anyone can link to it.

Has he had a break from the class this Summer?

Link to thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3657108-AIBU-to-think-a-lot-of-people-dont-really-think-of-children-as-people

Has he had a break from the class this Summer?

It’s not been on for the last couple of weeks as the teacher was on holiday. After this week he will miss the next 2 sessions as he will be away with his dad.

Martial arts take way more energy than walking. Suggest you try it before hinting that being too tired for martial arts has to be a lie because he’s happy walking for 20mins.

If it's out of character then is something going on, e.g is he unhappy with something about the class, or is he feeling a bit under the weather (most bugs are in your system for 2-3 days before the most obvious symptoms show).

He's 8. Maybe he was tired, adults can have days like that as well. I used to do martial arts and there were some days where I just didn't have the energy. I still remember being around that age and my whole body aching, which coincided with a growth spurt. I would continue to encourage him to exercise of course, but accept that some days will be a write off, especially as they get older

@Pumperthepumper

There was a really good thread on here recently about people not seeing their children as actual people but as something that has to be controlled all the time

I've said this a few times on here I'd love to see a thread where someone was agreeing with me

You can't let an 8yr old dictate what he wants to do.

So you tell an 8 year old child the activities that you want him to do and sod it if he hates it?

Maybe he just doesn't enjoy it. Maybe the break he's had has made him realise he hates it. Or maybe he just isn't feeling like it today.

I have a hobby I do once a week. I really enjoy it but there have been times when I've missed a week because, for whatever reason, I just don't feel like going.

Obviously some people think that at the age of 8 children are just automatons and don't have feelings like the rest of us.

I think your handling of it, and the options you gave him were fine OP.

If he does decide he can't stand it then he knows he can tell you and you'll be understanding, rather than feeling he has to keep on doing something that's making him miserable.

If he's happy with it, missing one week is not the end of the world.

Maybe he is unwell and going down with something. See how he is over the next few days.