To be annoyed at having to get up this morning

[popsadaisy]

I kind of already know I ABU but I need some of you guys to snap me out of my mood! Basically I've had to get up with my 16 month old this morning (6am) usually my OH gets up with her but he was too tired this morning...
A bit of background, I wake up with her every weekday and he always does the weekend. He hasn't done the two last Sunday's because he went out last Saturday night and had a lie in on the Sunday and this Sunday he said he was too tired to get up. It's really wound me up but I know a lot of partners take it in turns on a Saturday and Sunday so I'm just being a brat really. I've got used to having a lie in until around 8 every weekend so now I'm seeing my arse. First world problems! Sat hear watching cbeebies whilst my LG is having her porridge and sulking.... want to snap out of it before my OH wakes up!

Why isn’t he helping during the week? I think he is quite selfish TBH.

Why can’t SAHP not get a lie in sometimes during the week as well?!

It sounds like you have a good relationship because you aren’t shouting and screaming and are clearly rational. Toddlers are exhausting. I get the staying awake after a stir to see if it turns into a disturbance. And all on top of work for you both.

Honestly, have a chat. Say how you feel, but do it in the spirit of ‘we are both shattered, how can we make this work?’ And you’ll find a solution. You can’t stop going out, either of you, so you neee to be flexible too to accommodate the other’s social life/hibbies/Health.

The first 5 years are so hard. I now firmly believe that multi generational families are ideal. We are not meant to raise kids as we do today, it’s exhausting. Some people can cope, but I need my sleep and I felt on my knees at times. The key is getting through it in partnership, no Blame, no tiredness competitions. That’s reallt hard when you’re tired so try heading this off at the pass. Good luck op.

My DH generally gets up at 715 in the week or whenever the youngest does (usually 645 to 730), then I get up at the weekends or if he has a later shift. Generally, this means I get to sleep till 8ish 4-5 days a week, then he gets a lie in till 9-10 2-3 days, which feels fairer. Basically we give the other 4ish extra hours of sleep a week but we aren't mean about it. If one of us is super tired or needs sleep due yo stress at work or whatever, we help the other. However, if you drink on your night or are a jerk and sleep in when it isn't your day, you do "owe" the other person, especially on holiday when kids are up even earlier. Try to be a team and compromise. Just tell him you are shattered and can he help you rather than counting how many more each other gets.

I suppose if it's something you used to, then you must feel deprived when it doesn't happen at the weekend.
It doesn't bother me as I never get one beyond 6.30am regardless of what day it is. I've just got used to it. Think I'd feel sluggish if I had a morning when I slept in as my body clock is programmed for 6.30am starts.

Agree if you are not a SAHP you should share wake ups during the week.

If he's done it regularly for months, I would question why he is suddenly too tired. Could he be poorly, or has something on his mind. Just talk later after your resentment has vanished.

Share the weekdays and one day each at weekend.

It's not just the early mornings though is it it's the broken nights as well.

If he manages to sleep pretty solidly until 7am then that's pretty good imo.

7am is not a particularly early get up is it?

I guess 6am isn't too bad, but pretty relentless if it's on top of broken nights.

As you’re both working why on earth aren’t you just splitting the get ups equally between you? Genuinely confused here.

Your OP made it sound like you’re a SAHP (in which case it would be reasonable for one of you to have the lie in on Sat and one on Sun, not for your dh to do both)

Are you both working full time? If so it’s really odd that you’re not just sharing the load during the week and then using the weekend for each of you to have a lie in.

Yes that’s true diddl.

I don’t get why you can’t share the weekdays? I agree it’s fairer you both get a proper lie in at the weekend but it’s mad that you are getting up an hour before him every morning in the week. Unless you are about to drip feed that he works til 1am every night!

Sorry I also meant to say get a got clock and teach your child that morning is 7 at the earliest. We did this from about this age. They get it - sun up means morning, no sun means stay in bed. I just don’t get these parents who allow their kids to get up at all hours. It’s nuts and anti social and teaches them the world revolves around them rather than them fitting into the normal world you live in (if you naturally get up at 5am then fine of course). If you resent early mornings OP this will be the most liberating parental investment. It does require commitment and resilience while they learn the rules (took us a week of taking the older one back - youngest did it pretty much from birth because she copied her sibling)

Gro clock not get clock!

Take it in turns every day. Everyone gets tired, no excuse to be lazy.

If you've been deprived of your lie-in, how about a siesta this afternoon while he takes over? Getting him to take the baby out for an hour and a half would be best - lovely P and Q for a nap.

Its not fair if that is the arrangement you have. If it helps my hubby has let me have a lie in about once a year!

I think YABU

When does he ever get a lie in if you have both weekend days?!
He gets Saturday morning, you get Sunday morning

Agree that he should take some of the weekdays instead of you doing them all, then you can split the lie ins at the weekend and have one each.

He sounds a lazy arse

You both work but you get up at 6am every weekday running around getting you and dd ready while he sleeps in

Does he get up at 7 take the baby so you can shower or have you already done everything

I'd share the mornings , share making dinner , share the weekend lie ins too

@ittakes2 any selfish arse hole then, why do you put up with that ? I'd rather be a single parent

Seems like a strange system!

I hate hate mornings so I'd rather do the night wakings with our 10 month old and DP get up with her before he goes to work. I get a long lie in on Saturday when DP takes DD out. Yesterday I slept till 11 😳 7 or 8am is not a lie in in my world.

Thanks for all of your replies.
I will suggest alternating weekdays but tbh in order to get myself ready, my LG both fed and write in her book for nursery and out the house by 8 I would have to be getting up at 6.30 anyway so I just think I may as well get up when she does in the week. I know he could help me with the morning routine but if I relied on him to get her ready we would always be late and I really can't afford to be late in the morning. He has done it occasionally and he's so slow it winds me up when I'm on a tight schedule.
I do agree that it is fairer for us both to have a lie in at least once a week though but maybe in order for that to happen I will ask him to get up with her at least twice in the week and make her breakfast or something. It's a difficult one sounds like other people have similar issues!

Agree you should both have a lie in on one weekend day.
Also alternate weekday morning - so he does breakfast and getting dressed of baby on say Mon/Wed meaning you just get yourself ready those days.

Could he do the 6am wake up some weekdays (and you up at 7), then one lie in each at the weekend?