No riding helmet

[Singlemom82]

Hey everyone, I wanted everyones opinion on if I’m over reacting (i’m kind of hoping I am)

Back story, rather than drip feed, I broke up with my son’s dad when I was pregnant as I found out he was cheating on me, long term relationship, planned pregnancy etc. He went off with the other girl after I threw him out, they have a child together and I’m happily married to a wonderful man with our own child.

When he was born, he visited a couple of times buggered off again and then took me to court without even attempting to try and see him saying I’d stopped him. No idea what that was about. Long story short they ruled that he was to have supervised contact until he could provide a clean alcohol test, he dropped the case because he didn’t want to do the test. I’d been asking to see the test to progress contact ever since then, just before Xmas last year he finally did which showed chronic alcohol abuse.

It’s been a long battle, me being accused of stopping contact and me trying to explain I just want to make sure he’s not drinking anymore (he obviously is though) I eventually gave in and I now let him have him from 12-6 every other Sunday. He’s 100% an alcoholic, but he’s a high functioning one, holds down a very high powered job just drinks at night. I figured that he would be sober by 12pm and if he dropped him at 6 he won’t be there over night. He would never drink and drive, but he definitely drinks and drives the next day over the limit.

Today my son 4 has informed me that he took him out riding on the pavement on his bike without a helmet. I’ve had this conversation with his dad before when I found out he was riding the bike without it. He argued with me said he didn’t need it, I nicely told him that he did need it and if he wanted to ride the bike I had one he could borrow all he had to do was ask. He agreed but obviously not.

He’s not really the kind of person you can have a proper conversation with he will argue the point with you, or if he needs you to do something for him (as in this case allow him unsupervised access) he will just tell you what you want to hear.

I just feel like he’s not looking after his safety, and now I’m really second guessing my decision to allow him on his own. Is this something you stop unsupervised over or am I just overreacting because ultimately I don’t trust him?

How would you feel if your ex was letting your child ride their bike without a helmet?

I cycle a lot and don't wear a helmet very often. There are numerous arguments for and against wearing helmets.
Cycling is good exercise and it is good to be able to simply get on and ride without worrying about any special gear.
I think it is up to your ex, it is his child and his decision while he looks after his son.

I'm a helmet on kind of a mum.

I think adults who have mastered cycling and less likely to do risky things and make their own decisions on risk.

But children who are new to cycling, easily distracted more likely to fall of, and who are reliant on others making the safety decisions for them is a totally different argument.

I'd be pretty annoyed with anybody who allowed my child to ride without a helmet.

I think your lad should be supported/educated that wearing a helmet is a safe and sensible choice. Whilst he may not be in immediate danger right now, as he grows up and becomes more adventurous, not wearing a helmet is a real danger. I only say this as the mother of a belligerent then ten year old who spent time in hospital with a fractured skull after a bike accident. I should have been a lot stricter from the start.

Oh my goodness I hope he’s fully recovered now.
Luckily my son knows he should wear a helmet he told me that his daddy was naughty and didn’t give him a helmet, so I’ve obviously drummed it in to him

I do not understand why, when you were in a position of being able to fully protect your son from this man with full legal backing because he had refused to follow the court process, you then decided to push for and allow contact anyway even though he hadn't complied with the requirements! WHY? Why would you do that? What possessed you?

He would never drink and drive, but he definitely drinks and drives the next day over the limit.

That is drinking and driving. What are you on about?

Why aren't you protecting your child?

@caballerino I didn’t push for unsupervised I was hassled constantly. Constant threats of being taken to court again, yes I was worried that I could get a judge that wouldn’t listen and start giving him overnights

I’ve tried to come up with a solution whereby my son is safe and gets to see his dad.

I understand that it is drink driving, what I was trying to get across is that I am confident that he wouldn’t sit and get drink alcohol in the day while he had him and then drive my son about, but I was worried that he would drive over the limit the next day, hence me not wanting him to have him overnight before 12. I understand that it’s dangerous.

Accusing me of not protecting my son is a bit harsh, you have no idea how many times I’ve come head to head with his dad, being accused of stopping him having more access when all I am trying to do is keep him safe. The courts will promote contact with a parent even if they do have a drinking problem I have tried to do this as amicably as possible.

Given you could have disallowed contact with the full backing of the court I would not let even a high functioning alcoholic spend one on one time with my child. Especially not if he was going to refuse him basic safety gear when biking.

Ds went on a cycling course this week & it was explained that they needed helmets because children's skulls are thin & get thicker as they get older. I would properly kick off about this. I would have to stop it happening again. Cycle helmet or no cycling. If you currently allow contact voluntarily I would stop it if he didn't agree op it would be a deal breaker xx