Please help tell me if I need to catch a grip!

[puttingitalloutandabout]

I'm hoping this isn't too long but here goes!

My MIL has DD one day a week it's free to the best of my knowledge so when DD goes there she has her own clothes, bib, coats, cups, cutlery basically everything! She has toys there that must stay there.

I own a baby shop and provide all these items anyway but they just get sent back unused and she changes her back into the clothing I sent her in before coming home.

So I've let this go, whatever she's looking after her so I just let her even though I find it a bit insulting she refuses the sun hat I've packed and chooses to use her own that's not from my shop.

Yesterday was DD first birthday she's my only child and the only grandchild on both sides. I'm having a party this evening for all our friends and family.

DH took DD to MILs House this morning where she had the house decorated and presents wrapped I had to work and missed all of this.
We didn't give her any presents yesterday so I never got to see her face for the first time I feel totally pushed out and think this could have waited to the party tonight or we could have called tomorrow (PIL live half a mile away)

The reason this was done was because she will get loads of presents tonight and all of the Presents PIL bought are staying at there house anyway but I still feel really annoyed and hurt.

AIBU to feel this way? Should I just catch a grip and let it go?

**Their house

I'd let it go. The clothes thing is a bit odd but it isn't hurting anyone . Same with toys staying at her house - a lot of grandparents do this, it isn't a big thing. My kids always used to love "grandma's toys" which they only saw at her place, it was just something special for them when they were there.

The birthday thing was also in the " bit odd" category, but I'd also say let it go. If I get the story right, MIL had a little "birthday day" , just her and DD, at her place, and she had decorations and "her" birthday gifts. It's not something that many people would do, but your MIL obviously likes to do things in her own way and it isn't hurting anyone really. Your DD just had two birthday celebrations which sounds fine to me.

Maybe MIL felt like your birthday party would sideline her to some extent, with everybody there . Having a one-on-one day with DD would be nice for both of them.

I can understand you feeling annoyed, but everyone in this story has good intentions, so I'd be one to say " let it go". Your DD has a grandmother who obviously adores her, and that is something to be cherished.

You haven’t missed seeing her face at a big life event, one year olds don’t understand the concept of a gift, they just like crinkly paper. You had to work and you’re having a party tonight. I would let this one go.

The clothes thing is a bit strange, not sure why she’d bother buying a second sunhat when you’ve sent one but who knows, maybe MIL is scared of messing up the stuff you send? Whatever the reason it’s not hurting anybody (in fact less washing for you!), it doesn’t seem worth getting worked up about especially in the face of getting a day’s free childcare - although what do you mean by free to the best of your knowledge?

Free I think however, when I mention it to DH he gets funny and doesn't really answer me or ignores me so I wouldn't be surprised if he's paying her himself.

This is what my PIL do too OP. They have loads of clothes etc at their house which have to stay there etc. Re the toys, my DS is 2, nearly 3, and they bought him a truck for his bday, gave it to him at his party, then insisted on taking it home with them to keep at their house. He loves it and tried to bring it back to ours and I had to step in and ask them to stop being so possessive of a toy, that I would send it back but he wanted to play with it at home.
I have to be quite firm with them sometimes because they do get very possessive and will re-buy all the things he has so they have their own version. It annoyed me at first but now I just see it as them wasting their money. They'll be stuck with all this stuff once he's at school and not going round as much so oh well!

As PP says, it's all done with good intentions so pick your battles.

How do you give a child a gift & then insist it can’t go to the child’s home ?

I don’t understand that at all

My MIL bought a cot, changing table, travel cot, baby bath...the works! The one night we did actually go out and leave DD there, she rang us up after an hour as DD was screeching so much!

Take no notice. Grandma is a bit nuts.

How do you give a child a gift & then insist it can’t go to the child’s home

It happens ! And not just grandparents. My ex used to buy stuff for the kids birthdays, and then keep the stuff at his place. So they could only see the things once a fortnight. Go figure.

Let her crack on with it. Enjoy her party tonight, make lovely memories to share with her when she's older and leave MIL to do as she likes. The whole "this has to stay at Granny's house" thing is awful, and as your DD grows up she'll probably challenge it with her Grandma in a better way than you ever would.

Aw this made me feel sad for you! MILs often are a bit crazy, but I can understand you feeling like you missed out on opening the gifts.

Was your partner there at the time? I feel like he maybe should have pointed out that you hadn’t opened gifts with your little one yet and maybe asked your MIL to wait until the party.

Unfortunately, there isn’t much to be done about it now and I hope it won’t ruin an otherwise lovely day.

I’d maybe wait until tomorrow and, if it’s still bothering you, let your partner know how you feel. Hope everything works out!

Bonkers. Your daughter will soon be old enough to work out Grandma is nuts and suffocating.

She sounds clearly bonkers. Completely OTT changing your DD's clothes.

However, I would find it more annoying that your husband isn't being straight with you regarding the actual arrangement for childcare.

That's a bigger problem IMO.

If they are providing free childcare, there are some things you just have to accept. She is pretending to play mum at hers. If she was in your clothes, it ruins the pretence.