To tell my mother she can't come to visit

[Marinetta]

I have a 4 month old son and live far away from my family. Since he was born my mother has come to visit around 4 times, each time staying for around 10 - 15 days. Before the birth she told me that she and my dad would visit as often as possible to support me and would try to make my life easier but the reality is very different. Whenever she comes she treats it like a holiday and rather than helping around the house actually makes more work for me. She spends most mornings sunbathing on my balcony and normally spends the afternoon reading a book in the park and never offers to help with the cooking or cleaning. The one time I asked her to help me out a bit by cleaning the microwave and sweeping the floor she made it very clear that she wasn't happy about it. We live in a small village on the outskirts of a big city and there isn't a lot to do in our village and my mam always wants me to entertain her or get the train in to the city and spend the day there with her with her which I find really stressful as my son doesn't seem to like the city. Basically when she comes to visit it's a very stressful time for me and rather than helping me she causes more work for me around the house with the extra shopping, cooking, washing and cleaning that I have to do. She is now planning her next visit and I'm thinking about asking her not to come and I know she won't react well. AIBU?

Tell them they're welcome to visit but need to base themselves at a hotel and you'll arrange a few meet ups while they're here.

@Witchinaditch l would hardly say having a baby and a grown woman to run around after by OP makes her entitled!

YANBU l would say no. She is taking the piss l am afraid, it feels like she is after a free holiday / some R&R. I can relate to all of this, my Mum visits once a year. Rocks up, reads books / magazines, watches TV, makes a mess and demands when her next meal is ready. Doesn't contribute much and is hard work basically.

@Witchinaditch, of course she's there to help, any decent mother would be when her DD has a Baby.

I speak as a hands on Nan. I've done the same for LP neighbours.

If she isn't there to lighten the load and see her grandchild, then why visit her DD post birth? You at least wouldn't make any extra work and post birth or not, you wouldn't object to cleaning a floor for your host.

The OP isn't running an All Inclusive holiday home.

OP is she the type to tell her friends how helpful she's being?

Nows the time to start to stand up to her. Q

@withinaditch You win the snide guilt-tripping dig of the month! What a pointless and rather bitchy comment!

The OP sounds entitled? No she doesn’t, in any way, shape or form.

That would be her mum.

OP you’ve got enough on your plate without catering for your mother. Cut the visits right down.

Another one who thinks you should tell your mum not visit. Your mum should be making life easier not harder.

@witch Did you not read the OP's OP? Her DPs said they would be coming to support and make life easier for her. Her DM hasn't and appears to treat it like a holiday.

Witch, you've completely missed the point. My mum's been dead for 20 years. And I'd give anything to see her again, but if she'd pulled a stunt like the OP's mother has, words would have been had!

She should be ashamed of her behaviour tbh, definitely tell her she can visit for one day and you aren’t to wait on her hand on foot