I’ve got a close friend who has enormous difficulties with her two dd.
These difficulties have really come to light in the past year or so.
Both are massive social introverts who basically want to stay at home in their safe haven and play no real part in this world.
One dropped out of school to complete Her studies at home and her only interaction in the world is by doing a couple of hours volunteering each day. The other has just finished GCSEs but has no firm plan to carry on in education, work etc. She in particular is terrified of doing anything, talking to people, going out into the world.
Both have received an enormous amount of private psycho therapy but they constantly avoid doing the tasks set by the therapists which ultimately is supposed to help them.
My friend I feel is killing them with kindness. She allows them to give into their fears, makes the world so safe that the real world terrifies them. I cannot see them ever working or mixing with people, meeting a partner etc. She never pushes them and always allows them to retreat to the safety of home. Nothing is expected of them ever. She thinks her 18 year old would be too exhausted to apply for a full time job as she can only manage two hours a day at most.
When we discuss them and I ask how they are, I really have to bite my lip. I try to encourage her with suggestions but part of me wants to say your killing them with kindness. They are playing the mental health card with her, in my opinion. I understand totally that the transition from child to adulthood is really scary for a lot of teens. I was so shy as a child and found the transition difficult, so I do understand.
How would you deal with this? Continue to keep my gob shut or tactfully say to her maybe she needs to get tough with them.