Toddler tantrums and a newborn- please help!

[Lightbulbs]

Aibu to be at a total loss about what to do?!?

I've got a 22 month toddler and a 3 week newborn. The toddler is really testing boundaries and throwing the most impressive tantrums. I've tried distracting him, picking my battles, given him a little grace as there has been a lot of change, lots of 1:1 mummy time and also being clear about expectations ( you have to hold mummy's hand...) and sticking to my guns/ following through. I've also tried ignored them (making sure he's safe).
But the tantrums are becoming even more epic and I'm struggling to manage them when out and about with the newborn. It is a battle of wills on absolutely everything... coming off the swings... getting into the buggy... wanting to do everything independently ( which I encourage but not when it's unsafe...)
Any help/ strategies? What's worked for you?

I think this age is really hard. I think once they are in a tantrum there isn't much that can be done to get them out of it (sometimes distraction works but usually works better if someone else does it that they dont perceive to be connected with s tantrum) so try and concentrate on prevention.

I found repeated warnings that we were leaving somewhere helped. Or if it's something like tablet time, set the timer on your phone for 10 minutes or whatever (get them to press the start button) and say when it rings it's time to stop. Give choices (do you want to jump off the swing yourself or shall I lift you down) and if you are struggling, such as needing to be at an appointment and toddler wont get in the car, the just resort to bribery (snack or playing on your phone) to save your own sanity.

I found a few months after 2 my first could suddenly talk a lot better and then the tantrums reduced a lot as she got less frustrated.

Also as hard as it is, be consistent and make sure other people are consistent as well. We found out that one thing that was making it worse was slightly different routines at bedtime etc between me and my husband.

We also found the naughty step / time out helped a lot though I dont think that's very popular any more

Ah the glory of striding through my village with newborn in a baby carrier and red faced screaming 2 year old pinned grimly under one arm.
It’s normal and mainly just needs time (about 12 weeks in our case).
I found the most effective thing was to just leave them alone to tantrum (obvs if it was safe) then briskly distract and move on when it was over. Once they get going it’s not easy for you/them to stop. I definitely picked my battles at this stage and gave way more than usual for an easy life. Slowly reintroduced normal rules when thugs calmed down a bit. Otherwise sounds like you’re doing everything right with the cuddles and one on one etc. Hang in there!

*things. Although ‘thugs’ works too

Sorry, I've nothing helpful to suggest, I'm dealing with the same situation - 1 year old and a 5 week old so I'm watching for useful tips too. My only saving grace is my 5 week old is a sleeper!! I really hope the advice you get here helps tho

Thank you all... really helpful advice and just helpful knowing others have been there too!

Giving them a five minute warning used to work for me. They had time to enjoy the last five minutes, then they'd usually come happily. Not always, but usually.

@Lightbulbs feeling your pain. 22 month old ds and 11 day old dd here.

Ds flips from an energy filled hurricane to a tantrumming menace.

It’s exhausting.

We’re going through phases of concentrated ds alone time with me and dh or one of us, fun things for him, trying to encourage him to interact with dd and ignoring the tantrum.

I’m hoping that he will grow out of it soon.

He’s still going to nursery so he can keep his routine as much as possible.

He threw a paddy earlier this evening though because I wouldn’t give him Dd (who I was giving a bottle to) so he could put her on the mat and change her nappy.

It’s loveky he wants to help. But no way Jose!