I am feeling very low. My life has been a nightmare & it shows no signs of changing any time soon. If you have a traumatic/abusive upbringing it programs the path for your whole life - unless you do tons of psychotherapy to undo the damage & even then sometimes the damage is too much. My family was 10/10 for fucked-up disfunction & I am only just managing to cling-on to some sort of sanity. An abusive, severely neglectful & downright brutal upbringing lead me into thinking an abusive, controlling marriage was normal & my co-dependency & subservience kept me there for decades, stripped of any personal worth.
Now I'm finally free & counting the cost of all this damage. I'm not sure I have years enough left to sort out my mental problems & have a meaningful life without terror, let alone the mental ability or the money for therapy. I'm not surprised people throw in the towel sometimes.
I have to wonder, is there a point to all this pain? Have I been given this experience for a reason? I would really love to list the things that happened to me as a child so you could all read it & then reflect back to me what you think that I am still alive now. I really have no idea how to make it work.
People with any family/support at all are very blessed.