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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to quit or not to quit...

9 replies

withinacceptabletolerances · 09/08/2019 10:49

Hi all. DS is nearly 6 and has suspected ASD/ADHD. His childminder asked to meet with us last night and said she wasn't coping with his behaviour and wouldn't be able to have him in the future. Thankfully she's going to see out the rest of thesummer holidays. I have a 2 yo who also attends the same setting. DS is having problems playing with other children - he's basically stuck at that toddler stage where they can't share and grab toys etc, except that he's 6 and quite strong so it looks veryaggressive. Don't blame childminder at all, she's got 5 kids to deal with. So..

Do I quit work to care for him after school and holidays? Or...

Do I just put him back in after school club which was ok but sometimes a struggle for him. And then for school holidays we could try holiday clubs etc which he may or may not cope with?

I've recently been promoted and whilst I'm quite enjoying the new job, it's pretty stressful on top of worrying about / sorting out a potential SEN kid. We could survive money-wise but it'd be tight. I'm not particularly keen on being a SAHM as I found maternity leave quite monotonous. But would it be better to be less stressed about jobs and childcare?!

Help MN!

OP posts:

IAskTooManyQuestions · 09/08/2019 11:01

I wouldnt give up work, you'll never get back in at the same level, your pension will takea hit and as you say, you struggle being a SAHM.

One option is to talk to the TAs and see if any of them want to do child care in the holidays for you. They will be trained in SEN.

HypatiaCade · 09/08/2019 11:06

Go back to work, and get a summer nanny/experienced au pair, with a few holiday clubs to make it easier on the nanny/au pair? As they'll be looking after both children, it shouldn't be too much more expensive, I wouldn't have thought.

Original poster

withinacceptabletolerances · 09/08/2019 17:39

Thanks both. Yes I thought of a nanny, we tried to recruit one last year but the wage we could afford to offer was too low and we didn't get any candidates. It's more than twice the price of a childminder. I'll have a think about the TAs at school but not sure - I think the two that I know have young families. I phoned the local authority for advice today and all I got was 'ask around the village to see if anyone can look after him'. We've tried that but getting a childminder - what I think I need is specialist help. Sigh....

OP posts:

PumpkinPie2016 · 09/08/2019 17:44

I wouldn't give up work - he can use before/after club for the time being while you look at options for care.

Do you have a SEN school in your area? Might be worth contacting them to see if they know if any childminders/holiday clubs for children with additional needs.

Or you have time to investigate possible holiday clubs which may suit your son.

How much of the school hols can you and your DH cover? Even if it means taking weeks at different times for now.

Original poster

withinacceptabletolerances · 09/08/2019 19:11

@pumpkinpie yes that's a fantastic idea I hadn't thought of that. There must be SEN-specific holiday clubs. I hope they'd accept him without a diagnosis... (we're waiting to be assessed..) Thanks!

OP posts:

PumpkinPie2016 · 09/08/2019 21:04

No probs - I think you would be fine without assessment as it's pending.

Babyroobs · 09/08/2019 21:11

See if you can claim DLA for him, the extra money could help to pay for a nanny over the summer.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 09/08/2019 21:13

Part time?

Thepearofwisdom · 09/08/2019 21:54

I can't tell you what to do, I can tell you what I did in your circumstances. I battled on working part time, fighting to get my daughters needs met, still awaiting same assessments as your son. Our life became so stressful, she wasn't coping at all with wrap around care and our home life was so so stressful, dd is 7.5 and I have a ds5.

I eventually gave up work as I felt I was failing at work and failing at home and my mental health was suffering badly. It has been the right decision for us as a family our home life is less stressful. And I have time to chase up school, attend appointments and fill in myriad forms. I knew that my daughter would not cope with holiday clubs without one to one support.

But...although I liked my job, I wasn't hugely attached to it and it certainly wasn't a career, through claiming DLA and carers allowance although we are still out of pocket, it's not as bad as it could have been.

It's a personal decision and there's no right or wrong, just what works best for you and your family. It's certainly not always easy being at home and it can be isolating.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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