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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's more to the story...

32 replies

SkiddySkidz · 08/08/2019 22:26

My mum recently lost a lot of weight (unexplained), and went to the doctors for blood tests. The tests revealed something was not right with her liver and so they booked in for an MRI scan. She hates hospitals and doctors and would never normally go for even quite serious things, so the fact that she has done something about this has worried me. She said at first it was going to be in a few weeks, but today she called me to say that she was going to be in hospital for few days as they have managed to bring the scan forward. I think she is trying to keep something from me, because I dont think they would keep people in overnight or even for a few days for this type of scan. Plus the fact it was sooner than they said seems off.
She hasn't given me any more information.

Can anyone reassure me that I am overreacting, or share examples of why they would keep her in for this. What is she not telling me because something isnt adding up? I want to know the truth so I am prepared.

OP posts:
Baddabingbaddaboom · 08/08/2019 22:32

Im really sorry but it doesn't sound like good news to me, I wouldn't want to speculate as to what it could be but you're definitely right to be suspicious. I hope she. . And you, are OK OP Flowers

Original poster
SkiddySkidz · 08/08/2019 22:37

Thank you @Baddabingbaddaboom it's okay. I kind of need someone to tell me its probably not good. I also just wanted to make sure it's not standard procedure to keep people in before I worried the worst. X

OP posts:
Brideof2020 · 08/08/2019 22:41

I didn't want to read and run OP. I'm sorry this is an awful time for you and your DM, I have no idea as to what maybe wrong with your DM. Are you going to visit her in hospital? Flowers

Original poster
SkiddySkidz · 08/08/2019 22:45

I want to but I am going on holiday in the morning and she only just told me tonight. It's a bit frustrating especially if she had known before. And now I dont know whether to cancel but she says 'she is the healthiest person on the ward' and not to bother cancelling.

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 08/08/2019 22:47

I was absolutely convinced DM had pancreatic cancer quite recently
Turned out it was a stone which had blocked liver bile duct and caused very similar symptoms
She was in hospital for a few days with MRI and CT scans plus blood tests biopsies and ultrasound scans before they found problem
Hospital told me they were keeping her in as if an inpatient for higher priority for scans etc than as an outpatient
Sadly she still has dementia - plus side is she has no memory of being ill or in hospital or the op she had in end!

Jemima232 · 08/08/2019 22:48

I'm so sorry Skiddy but it does sound like there is something sinister like cancer going on.

Flowers for you and your mother. Was it the weight-loss which prompted her to go to the doctor in the first place?

movingontosomethingnew · 08/08/2019 22:48

It could be that they're doing a variety of tests on her rather constantly bringing her in as an outpatient.

YouTheCat · 08/08/2019 22:51

They might be doing a biopsy, hence the stay?

Original poster
SkiddySkidz · 08/08/2019 22:55

Thanks for all the feedback. It's useful!

@Jemima232 yes she did go because of the weight loss. I don't know if there were more symptoms.

OP posts:
onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 08/08/2019 22:58

Can I put another perspective on this? I recently had some health concerns and was referred for tests. I didn't want to share this information with my (adult) DC as I didn't want to worry them, and also didn't want to have to deal with them worrying about me when I was worrying for myself. I minimised the information I gave to my DC about tests I had and was fortunate to be told that my symptoms were not serious, so never did tell them the whole story. Your DM may be having tests for something more serious than she is telling you, but hopefully it will be ok. Even if it isn't, it sounds as if she wants to deal with it in her own way.

Secretmeerjng · 08/08/2019 22:59

Could be gallbladder issues or Sphincter of Oddi issues (if gallbladder has already been removed). Yanbu to be worried. Hope your mum is ok

Tonnerre · 08/08/2019 23:02

Could it be that they suspected something serious but the scan showed it wasn't, hence the early discharge?

Jemima232 · 08/08/2019 23:03

@Skiddy

I wonder if she also had pain somewhere?

If your mother is the sort of person who avoids doctors and hospitals it does seem odd that she's (apparently) quite happy to go in and stay in for a few days.

My own mother became ill when I was pregnant with our fourth DC.

She avoided doctors etc until I had him. Then when he was a week old she collapsed and was taken to hospital where lung cancer was diagnosed. She died ten days later.

Looking back, it was obvious that she had hidden all her symptoms until after the baby was born. She'd lost loads of weight, was very breathless and in considerable pain.

We discovered that she's been wearing several layers of clothes as a routine, to cover up the loss of weight.

We also found painkillers in all her pockets when we were sorting through her clothes after she died.

I'm not saying that your mother has cancer, of course but hospitals nowadays don't usually admit patients for a few days for tests.

As a PP said, it could be for a biopsy. What are you going to do? Cancel your holiday?

It's such a worrying time for you.

LittleAndOften · 08/08/2019 23:03

OP if she has serious symptoms they're not going to send her home until they have carried out a battery of tests and formed some kind of diagnosis. Try not to focus on the worst case scenario, hard as it is x

Allthebiscuits · 08/08/2019 23:04

My mum did a lot of this misinformation thing when she was going through treatment for breast cancer. It was infuriating at the time but I can appreciate her mentality better now. I think everyone has a right to manage how they share whatever news it might be, especially perhaps when everything else seems so out of their control. It might be that everything is ok, it might not be. Either way, your mum obviously wants you to go on holiday and I think you should try and enjoy it to the full. Think of it as a good rest and recharge for whatever comes next.

Ohyesiam · 08/08/2019 23:08

If she needs diagnostic tests she needs to be an inpatient to get priority bookings.
Sounds like she needs a bit of space till she knows what she’s facing , so try and enjoy your holiday🌺

Jemima232 · 08/08/2019 23:14

It does sound like she's doing her best not to upset you. Having said that it hasn't worked, as you're extremely anxious about the whole scenario. And not surprisingly either.

Can you ring the ward (and say you want to know the visiting hours) and try to find out what she's being tested for?

Original poster
SkiddySkidz · 08/08/2019 23:14

Thanks. I think we will still go as there are lots of family that can be around for her anyway. I'm trying not to get frustrated. She has always been a very controlling person so I can understand that she might be struggling with feeling out of control now. I will respect her wishes as we are staying in the UK anyway so can easily get back if need be.

OP posts:
Brideof2020 · 09/08/2019 08:39

Hope you're ok this morning OP. If you're holidaying in the UK - you can always ring the hospital to see how your mum is. Ask if you can get the number for the ward. Good suggestions from other posters that if they're doing a series of tests it will be easier as an in patient. Do you have any siblings? You dont mention your father? Are you having to cope with this on your own. Also just make sure they have a contact number for someone.

Brideof2020 · 09/08/2019 08:40

Also try to enjoy your holiday Flowers

Thingsdogetbetter · 09/08/2019 08:49

Bring appointments forwards isn't unknown and usually not a reason for panic. I had a brain MRI scan that was booked for 3 months time. Got a phone call asking if I could come in THAT afternoon. Totally freaked me out! Turns out they had a cancellation and I was the first person on the list who answered their phone. If she's having lots of different tests, then not keeping her in means those tests will be done at the original appointment times so an unnecessary and probably counter productive gap between MRI and other tests.

Skittlesandbeer · 09/08/2019 09:13

If I were you, I’d get to the bottom of it today/tonight. Do whatever you have to. Be bossy or sneaky, get the info from her, the hospital staff, her ‘next of kin’ or anyone else you can think of.

If it’s just a few days holiday away, that would be a factor too. Is your holiday several weeks and far from home? It’s easier to reschedule the trip than to cut it short?

For me, I’d have a lot of trouble relaxing and having fun if my loved one was undergoing serious tests for a potentially serious condition.

I know lots of people who don’t feel that way though. If the worst happened, would you be able to forgive yourself in the future? Would others blame you? If you can honestly say it wouldn’t bother you, then go ahead. That’s always a good test for me.

Maybe you’d be the one resenting her forever, if it turned out to be nothing. Only you can answer these questions.

Good luck to your mum.

Jeezoh · 09/08/2019 09:15

I don’t have anything useful to add except I hope your fears are unfounded xx

Scrumptiousbears · 09/08/2019 11:39

My dad did something similar. He was also very controlling. It was awful. Some say he did it to protect us. I'm not so sure. I never had enough time to have it out with him. He made sure of that.

I have no real advice because if she won't tell you and tells the hospital not to tell you then they cannot. Horrible situation and I feel for you.

Vgbeat · 09/08/2019 11:50

I've just had treatment for cancer and I wasn't kept in for any scans etc they were all just a few hours but I'm only 38 and it is cervical so may be different. They may be keeping her to run different tests to see what it is.