To have a 4th child

[Hannahlouise4026]

Already we have ds 6, dd 5 and ds 5 months. Always imagined having 3, and really thought after having ds that would be it. But since he was born I’ve been thinking about having a 4th. My husband is also keen to have a 4th, but was vague in terms of when. We’re both 30, so have time to wait, but then I’m not sure having another big gap like we have between dd and ds would be easier than having them close together (my first two are a little over a year apart)
If we had another fairly soon we’d then have 2 ‘sets’ of that makes sense?! Older pair and younger pair.
My husband is self employed, earns good wage and we are fairly comfortable. I’ve been a sahm for the last 6 years. We have a 4 bed house so if we did have another, the younger two would have to share.
Aibu?

Yes. In my opinion, in the state the world is in, replacing yourselves ie. a child per person is more than enough.
I appreciate that there are exceptions to this (both for good and awful reasons) but, if it’s just because ‘you’d like another one’ I think it’s a poor decision.

Yes. The world doesn't need more kids.

Yes. Three is enough.

From experience I'd say Nooooooooo don't do it. But I did it so go for it if you want. And have any age gap you lie, in my experience the age gap doesn't necessarily dictate how close a bond they have 😁

Bad idea asking on here OP, you are about to be told you are the sole reason for the Earth’s destruction you selfish git.

You imauined having 3 and you have 3. Don't make this decision whilst your youngest is still so tiny.

If you want to have another child and you are able to care for it - which it seems like you are - have another child.

Three is plenty. Have you not been following the news about the population becoming more than the earth can handle?

I think two “sets” would be lovely. You’re still v young though so you’ve got plenty of time to decide. Even if there is a 2 yr age gap between no.3 and no. 4 that’s still a close gap and then you won’t have rushed into a decision. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

What is your Aibu. To have 4? To have them close together? Or to make them share a room? Because it sounds like you’ve decided to have four.

Btw, I do think 4 is a bit unreasonable. I don’t know why really. Is it the cost to society in general, is it the environment? Or is it just a bit much for the other 3 you already have?

I’m being unreasonable to say Yabu but Yabu frankly.

I have four so I’m a part of the Earth destroying gang MN loves to vilify.

I will say that three is the cut off for driving a normal sized car, you’ll need a seven seater if you have another. You also have the space for three children but not four bedroom wise so I’d stick with three personally.

I found the leap from three to four rather easy and that was with a six year gap between DC3 and 4. I don’t really struggle with my DC but I’m also a teacher so have an enormous amount of patience .

Are the three you have already not enough? Why do you need 4?

It's very common on MN to sneer at the issues of over-population: if your desire to have babies trumps the desperate state the world is in, go for it.

Have four - you'll regret it otherwise. Who knows that fourth child could be the one to resolve climate change or win a Nobel peace prize for some other endeavour.

I sorely wanted three (after thinking I only wanted two) chose not to have number three due to an unsupportive father- to -be and have regretted it ever since.
Don't be me.

If 4 feels right then you should do it.
Very happy for you.

No! You do what feels right. The rate of replacement is not your problem, but also it is one the decrease so don't worry about it so much (I think its 1.9 instead of 2.4 these days). I am one of 4 and we came in two 'sets'. I have two children and my mum said if I ever wanted more I should have another pair in a few years! Not sure I'm cut out for it but I'm always open to it.

Who knows that fourth child could be the one to resolve climate change or win a Nobel peace prize for some other endeavour.

That is possibly the most ridiculous justification I've seen for having another.

Yeah go on, have another child. Your children and their children won't actually thank you for it during the water wars. People with more than 2 children get vilified for a reason. The earth can't handle it.

Honestly I think it’s selfish to have a fourth child.

The birth rate may be dropping in the country but the global population is increasing very quickly.

I am in a similar position, I would love another DC but I simply cannot justify it for environmental reasons. It's very difficult to accept but it's one of the best things we can do for the environment.

"Honestly I think it’s selfish to have a fourth child."

In the best case scenario, any amount of children is selfish.

Honestly I think it’s selfish to have a fourth child."

“In the best case scenario, any amount of children is selfish.”

I agree, which is why I only had one child when I was 20, he’s now 14. Would of loved to of had more.

Do you think you can provide everything that four children need, above the basic financial needs? Will you be able to support all four in their education: reading, homework, school projects, visits to places connected with their topics? Will you be able to give all four the chance to pursue their interests -sports, music, drama etc? Will they all get a chance to have busy social lives if they want this? Will they have a parent advocate in the event of additional needs or difficulties with peer group?
I’m sure it can be possible with four, but these are the questions I would be asking myself.

It sounds like you already have what you originally envisioned.
As we increasingly wake up to the impact of the climate emergency and it becomes unequivocally clear that said impact will be felt by our children, and likely in our lifetime, I wonder why you feel that this is a world into which you want to bring more children? I look at mine and crumble. Nothing would make me have another child the way things are looking. We will not be able to protect our children from what's coming down the track.

I think it's really weird to be thinking about this when you have a five month old. What's the point of having them if you're already living in the future thinking of what you haven't got and wanting more. Surely right now is when you have a baby - and two other little ones - and should be enjoying that if having kids is what you like. It's really not about completing 'two sets'. They're individuals and the gap isn't that big between the ones you have. Have another down the line if you must but there's no reason why that would fulfil you if this one isn't doing. Maybe you need to do something else in your 30s.

As we increasingly wake up to the impact of the climate emergency and it becomes unequivocally clear that said impact will be felt by our children, and likely in our lifetime, I wonder why you feel that this is a world into which you want to bring more children? I look at mine and crumble.

Exactly.

The rate of replacement is not your problem, but also it is one the decrease so don't worry about it so much

First, it is EVERYONE'S problem. Why is it someone else's problem and not the OP's? This is exactly why we are where we are, globally. Secondly, even though the growth is slowing, the world population is growing by 83 million a year. How many human beings do you think a world composed of finite resources, which is being systematically destroyed by human greed and selfishness, can support? In 2050, well within our lifetimes, never mind our children, population is projected to reach 9.8 billion.