AIBU about DH not wanting to go on holiday with my DB? WWYD?

[Chem17]

I don’t want to drip feed so here’s the backstory/current situation:

DH and I have 4 children aged between 5 and 16. My older DB, who probably won’t ever have children of his own is quite close with our 4 DC - always remembers birthdays, FaceTimes regularly, often texts the older two, sends postcards, sometimes sends small random gifts to DC (e.g. a book or a small souvenir) DC see him about 6 times a year - either him visiting us or DC visiting him in London (we live about 200 miles away). He works in the city, has made quite a lot of money, compounded by the fact that he lives alone/has no children. This however has never been an issue before.

We are reasonably well off, certainly not wealthy or anything, but we can afford one or two nice holidays per year, although money has been a bit tighter over the past couple of years with the DC getting older. We have been on holiday skiing 3 times before and really enjoyed it, just as a family. We can’t afford to go this year, much to the disappointment of DC but....

DB has just invited us all to go skiing with him just after Christmas (not knowing that we couldn’t afford it this year), staying in what looks like a very nice hotel. I know the DC would have a wonderful time - they love him and he always gives them so much time/attention when he sees them. I know I would have a great time - DB has said that he would like to look after DC some afternoons/evenings so DH and I can spend some quality time together/I can go to the spa once or twice. Sounds lovely, except for the fact that DH doesn’t want to accept my DB’s offer - he thinks DB is a bit overbearing at times (but I disagree - I would have loved to have a proper, involved uncle when growing up!) and I think there’s a bit of a pride issue about who’s paying for the holiday - even though DB doesn’t know that we can’t afford to go this year.

So AIBU to want to go? Even if that means suggesting to DH/DB that DH doesn’t come. DB certainly wouldn’t say anything if we declined his offer (although I know he would absolutely love it if we accepted). DC don’t know about this.

Any and all advice appreciated.

Go alone with the DC. Neither of you being unreasonable so as you want to go, and it is a very generous offer, I would definitely go with the kids. Just say your dh doesn't have the annual leave maybe

Sorry, just to be clear, DB is offering to pay for the six of you? That is incredibly generous but I can understand why it would make DH uncomfortable.

Just go without dh

Similar situation to yours but I am the aunt in that scenario. Go on the holidays with the DC. I love my DNs and being the fun auntie who spoils them rotten and spends money on them makes me very happy. If your
DB invited you that means he can afford it. Do not think twice. :-)

Definitely go without your husband.

is db paying? just because you said you can't afford it this year

Wish I had a fab brother like this, go leave grumpy at home.

Of course yanbu to want to go! You and the dc absolutely should go, and leave it up to your dh to decide what he does. Your brother sounds like a great uncle who just wants to spend time with the only family that he has.

Go on holiday without your husband, also, fix me up a date with your older, single, child friendly brother

He does find your dB overbearing though. It’s not something you get to disagree with. It’s his feeling it’s not an objective fact.

I get the situation is a bit unusual etc. But I would be careful here not to alienate your dh. Certainly don’t make him go.

I’d probably love it if it was my dB. Not so much a brother in law though, that’s just the way it is sometimes.

Go without DH. I would. Your brother sounds lovely, and caring - a big like my own brother. Forget pride, he is your brother and he wants to treat you. Go - have a great time

Has dB invited you along or invited you to be his guests?

Your DH can choose not to come if he doesn’t want to but I wouldn’t let that stop you from going with the kids. Your DB sounds great and it sounds like the kids will be so excited to see him and go skiing!
In the unlikely event that your DH doesn’t change his mind when he realises you’re serious about going with or without him then I’d say to your DB that he can’t get time off work as the truth might make things a bit awkward.

Wow! I would go . If DH says no just say he has to work and you go with the kids.

But tell DH pride is a deadly sin!

I don't think your DH does find your DB over bearing, your brother's success dents his male ego, go without him your brother sounds lovely and very generous.

This is a tricky situation and I don’t think that you should dismiss your H’s feelings about this without discussing the issue more thoroughly.

Imagine if it was the other way around - if your children had an aunt from your H’s side of the family who swanned in periodically with gifts and treats and none of the everyday graft of real parenting, and swept your children off their feet, and your H thought you were being a killjoy for not being totally comfortable about it.

Are you sure your DB is expecting to pay for you?

There is a backstory here isn't there OP, very generous gifts from the DB in the past?

Definitely take the kids and go on the holiday! Would be rubbish for them to miss out on something like this just due to their dad’s pride!

But it's not just about Dh's pride. Dh finds Db overbearing and so probably wouldn't want to spend a holiday with him. How many times have we seen threads from people on holiday or due to go on holiday with people they just shouldn't go with - replies would tell the op not to go, or that they shouldn't have gone with said person. So here is a man saying he doesn't want to go so he shouldn't be made feel bad for that. His reasons for not wanting to go are valid to him so respect his feelings on the matter head off with the kids and Db if that's an option for you.

I agree that it is an extremely generous offer from your DB but no, I wouldn't accept it either because I think that it is a bit too much. But you don't and you are going to go anyway!