How on earth do you get over a break up with a baby??

[Stampy84]

Just that really.. it’s been 6 months.. baby is 10 months old. I still think about her dad every hour of the day, I’m still so very sad that it didn’t work out.
I feel exhausted looking after baby on my own, he has her one night every other weekend.
Aibu to be nosy, and ask has anyone else broken up with the father of their child and how long did it take for you to stop looking at the relationship through rose tinted glasses? How long before you can look at him without feeling a pang??

I don't have any advice but I'm following with interest. I think I'm on the way to splitting up with my husband. We have a 6 month old and I just don't think I can carry on with him anymore.

Did you break up with him or the other way around?

Sorry you are still feeling do bad about it. Hopefully someone will give you some good advice!

I broke up with my ex. He was the father of my then 5 year old, plus I was pregnant.

Allow yourself to grieve the end of your relationship. And be kind to yourself.

im currently 10 weeks pregnant and split with my partner on Sunday. I feel hopeless, embarrassed and don't know how im going to cope alone. It's my first baby. following hoping someone can make me feel slightly better.

@CustardCreamLover
I felt like he wasn’t into me anymore, a great dad but a crap boyfriend.. little affection act.. eventually after a horrible argument he went.
In all honesty I’m thinking just hanging on for a while would’ve been better.. it’s horrible giving your baby away for the weekend. And believe me it’s very very lonely day to day.. if you can survive the first year you will be fine.. what are your reasons for wanting to end your relationship?

@brookelopez I totally understand how you feel x

@Bookaholic73 how are things between you now?

Make yourself busy, go to as many toddler groups as you can cope with. Spoil yourself and your baby. Make your time together as nice as you can; fake it 'til you make out, as they say

@Stampy84 well it’s been 15 years since we split and things are great.
He doesn’t bother seeing his kids, which isn’t great, but that’s a whole other thread.

I split with my ex when DD was just turned 2 and DS 10 weeks. The children helped distract me, as did working on my degree. Even now (they are 4 and 2) we prioritise keeping busy, having fun. I'm about to start my Masters.

My ex is a cockwomble, yes it hurts but I'm so glad to be free of him.

Im so sorry, i think break ups are hard enough but it must be so much worse with a baby.

Just remind yourself that pretty much all of us g through bad break ups, at least once, and the world keeps turning.....

For one thing, it's better in the long run for the DC for a split to be this early - it will be normal to them that they only see their dad sometimes and you won't have to deal with their distress along with your own/
Also, try and build up a network of friends etc who will be willing to babysit (other mums from playgroups if you can take turns) so you can start building a social life again.

Make sure you get maintenance from him! All very well for these 'men' to run off when things get difficult.
They need to pay! Takes two to make a baby.

There's no set amount of time. It can be a long process. You feel better the more time goes on, but you don't just wake up one day and feel over it, but it fades.

It's been 11 years in October since I broke up with ds1s dad, it was a messy break up, ex went off with someone else. He treated me terribly.

It feels like a different lifetime now. Almost like it all happened to someone else, but I do still think about him a lot, but definitely no pangs. I can't even imagine being with him now, my life has been so much more fulfilled not being with him.

I think you just have to allow yourself that time, but in the meantime take control of your life, be kind to yourself, make positive things happen.

I went through this many years ago. I got through it by doing a FWB with him for a couple years. I just felt I should not put myself through the extra trauma when my baby needed me and I already had PND. Plus the handovers were brutal, and I did not want another man in DDs life or any other casual flings.

In the end we had a come over, spend time together, sleep together, share baby responsibilities or I go over, spend time together sleep together share baby responsibilities thing. Gradually it burnt out and he took DD much more regularly on his own when she was older.

It was immoral, and there's more to this story but it got us both through a difficult time of transition.

Just being honest.

I've been there op.
It does take time and for want of a better word you need to grieve for the family unit your lost when he left.
Agree with others. Get out and about as much as possible.
Invite your friends over for a glass of wine and take away.
See if you can take up a hobby while baby's with its dad.
Being a single mom especially of ones so young is the hardest thing you'll ever do. It will get better though. I promise.
Keep putting yourself out there for friendships and you'll soon realise your happy just you and baby.
You'll also come to appreciate those few alone hours every couple of weeks

Ah I’m crying again! Thank you ladies, it’s really kind of you to have taken the time to respond.
Some days I’m good, and others I’m so desperately sad. I think going back to work will help, in still on maternity leave at the moment so have only got baby to focus on. I’m also moving house soon so hopefully I’ll make new memories somewhere else.
I’m just dreading the day I hear he’s met someone else, or maybe that’ll be the final nail in the coffin for me and I’ll finally accept it’s over....

These posts have got me full on crying like a melt here! Thank you ladies, you’re all being so sweet xx

Write down the crap things about him. Email it to yourself and read it in your weaker moments. Over time you should need to refer to it less and less.

Focus on the baby, yourself, friends, hobbies, work... basically anything other than him. Focusing on what is important and good for you will help you feel better about yourself and therefore your situation.

@Stampy84 I have no idea where to even begin. He makes me feel like a crap mum which in itself is enough for me to want to leave. He's constantly saying that our baby isn't normal because he cries and screams (just to point out, he sleeps well, eats well, plays well, is developing well) he's just a bit louder than some (not 'normal') babies. So far he's said that he has ADHD, is psychologically unstable and is a high-needs baby. I'm just so fed up with the constant moaning and criticism. Just today I've heard that the police will be called by our neighbours because the baby was screaming for 3 minutes and that I should do something about his screaming when he'd been going for all of 30 seconds and I was in the process of getting a dummy.

He doesn't talk to me. Sometimes we can eat dinner in silence if I don't make conversation and if I do then I get one word answers in return. He drinks 4 500ml cans of beer every night and thinks it's normal (haha after describing our baby as not normal).

So much more but it's making me depressed.

Hi OP, my ds dad walked out when he was 8 1/2 months old. I was devastated! It will be 2 years this month! I'm still so sad that it didn't work out! This week ex finally admitted that he suffers with depression, I told him I thought he was depressed a few weeks after he left but he wouldn't have any of it!

Ds was planned and very much wanted! Ex said about a month after I had ds his feelings changed for me, I had noticed a change in him after ds was born! As hard as it has been I know deep down that it is for he best! My ds and I deserve better! I deserve to be treated better than how I was!

Like you I was on maternity leave at the time and going back to work definitely helped! Even though it's been 2 years now I am still dreading finding out about someone else! I hate the thought that they might get treated better than me! X

It's hard. I didn't see ds' dad after we split which helped me move on. Though not good for ds to not know his father. His father was depressed. It must be difficult sharing time with your dc and seeing each other. Hopefully you can keep a good relationship but also move on. Everyone I know has ended up in court and refusing to speak to each other

Doing a masters and having lots of laughs with DD. In a way it felt better than other break ups without children just because I'm so busy so couldn't wallow. Awfully worse on the other hand as I didn't want to have kids with a knob, and I feel sad for my daughter sometimes but she still sees her Dad.

My daughter certainly keeps me going- I have to put on a smile and a happy face for her and then you just find yourself perking up.. evenings are the hardest, without trying to sound pathetic- they’re incredibly lonely.
Hand overs are hard, I won’t even look at him- when he speaks I look at the baby as a distraction! The first few weekends she went to him I sobbed and drank far too much wine by myself listening to sad songs 😱 I’ve stopped that now as it was making me worse!!
I’m booking a course on Monday and going to throw myself into that, and I hope that trying to remain positive will mean good things will eventually happen.
Thanks all xx

@CustardCreamLover
That sounds really really tough, how very draining!! You need to do whatever you feel is best for you.. just ask yourself- will I feel worse when he’s gone? If the answers no, then start making plans to move forward in the next few months x

Hey there, I know this post is old but I am wondering how you managed to get through this with a small baby alone. My baby is 4 months and I find it incredible difficult doing it all alone