Where do we go from here?

[lovelookslikethis]

We relocated ten years ago, to a new area close to the sea and somewhere we thought we loved. My family and friends were devastated when we moved here at the time and really missed us.

It is very rural, and seemed the perfect place for our children to grow up. We rented a tiny cottage for five years before our move here as holiday home, and for one year afterwards before buying a family home. We have been very, very happy in the most part, making lots of friends at the local village school we quickly settled in.

The problem I have now is my children are no longer small, but teenagers and are in secondary school. They have made their own friends but they all live miles away. It is quite boring for them here in the holidays, as they can't walk anywhere and need lifts everywhere to see friends. There is nothing at all to do here for teens.

I feel very lonely, where once my life was full of school friends and little children, they have since dropped away, moved away, working full time (I work part time) and I hardly see anyone. It is very quiet here, and if I am honest quite isolating.

Looking at the next stage, soon the dc will go to university and will need to get jobs, and I am wondering what jobs would be open to them here?

I come from the south east, it is where I was born and my family all live there, I still have old friends there too. It has great links to London, and I get very homesick when I think of it, and also know that the area would offer much more in the way of things to do and jobs etc.

We are planning to move in the next eighteen months. We live in an old house and it is costing a fortune to run and look after. We are really struggling financially with a change of jobs.
So we have made a decision to move whatever happens so we can live more comfortably, but do I buy another house here knowing that my dc have very limited options here as young adults and I am likely to continue to feel lonely? They need to finish their GCSE etc first one, so leaving imminently is not an option at the moment, we need to wait until they have finished their schooling here. My dc are 15 and 12. Do I rent and then move back once the last child is in uni?

I guess I am worried what older age will look like here. With no family and no old friends in our lives, will we just feel cut off and lonely as our children leave home?

I see that many friend's adult children stay at home, but I can't imagine offering my children this option here, as I can't see how they would work/socialise etc.

I can not afford to make a mistake at this stage of my life, and would really appreciate any views you have on what to expect in the next ten years, and to point me in the right direction.

I love this place, have such happy memories but something has shifted, and I am not sure it works anymore.

Is your eldest about to go into year 11? And the youngest into year 8?

You could move next summer- eldest starts college/6th form, and start of year 9 is not so disruptive to move.

Where do their friends live? In a nearby town? Is there much opportunity there rather than doing a big move to another part of the country? Could you rent in this town and keep them in their current schools but with more to do/public transport.

You are correct that your adult children are likely to need to live somewhere with more job opportunity but everyone needs to move out some time so I wouldn't let the prospect of them living with you as adults dictate what you do once school is over.

Also is some of this perhaps also more your feelings about your children becoming more independent than the location? The talk about missing little children suggets that

If you are lonely and working part time could you work full time or volunteer with something to bring you up to effectively full time work?

Thanks for your post MoMo.

Into year 10 for the eldest (15 in 3 weeks) and Year 7 (little one is 12 in 5 weeks) so just starting GCSE and we have been advised not to move at all for the next two years. Youngest just starting secondary school.

Their friends live in the town, but it is a very small town by anyone's standards and there is not very much to do there. We could sell up move into a rented house closer to a bus route at least, and let them finish school. When we moved here I didn't consider teen life here. I assumed they would be interested in riding horses etc, as it turns out neither are and thats all there is to do!

Both BIL have their adult children still at home, none have been able to afford to move out and the oldest is now 30 years old.

I am feeling the transition from childhood keenly, because it is so magnified here. Getting a full time job is impossible because my family live so far away, and childcare provision here is no existent! All of my local friends lean on their parents to help, so it is hard for me to work longer hours because we have so little in the way of support. They need driving to school and back every day, as they can't get there otherwise, it is very limiting. It is also very dark here, as in no lighting at all, and they freak out in the winter being left for too long!

When I watch escape to the country I feel like shouting at the TV, think of the reality in twenty years !!

I enjoy the countryside, and riding and living here, but it is very very quiet.

I would seriously consider renting in the small town asap then.

The kids can take themselves to school or to visit friends on the bus. This also liberates you to take on any opportunities you can think of which might be of interest. And there will be more opportunities for the kids to take up part time jobs, hobbies/interests, friends in a small town than somewhere very rural, even if not lots.

You could discuss moving in two years (summer between GCSEs and starting 6th form) with your eldest but I wouldn't move unless she was really keen.

I also love horse riding - but live in a big city for all the reasons to do with daily life and work. But you can easily drive back out somewhere rural to ride yourself.

When I watch escape to the country I feel like shouting at the TV, think of the reality in twenty years !!

I hear you!

I lived in the country for a decade during some of the wettest years on record (esp. 2012). Hated it. Every time I watched Escape to the Country, I would shout "DON'T DO IT!!".

mojo Yes I coming to that solution too. Thank you for your help.I am too old to make huge mistakes!

St Country living is a dream for lots of people until they come here, and realise how slow it is, and how lonely. I am so tired keeping the dc occupied.